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Struggling with not being ‘me’ anymore

laurynej Community member Posts: 1 Listener
edited January 2020 in Mental health and wellbeing
Hello! My name is Lauryn and to be honest I’m not even really sure why I’m writing this, I have never written anything like this down and actually probably haven’t verbalised it before either. 

A brief ‘history’, I became very depressed around 2013, in 2015 I tried to end my life and almost succeeded, I received some help from the mental health team at my local hospital and had some counselling and worked really hard to get my life back together, in Oct 2016 whilst driving home from
work I was hit from behind in my car, it wasn’t a big deal no major damage or so I thought. In the days that followed I started to get a lot of pain in my neck and left shoulder. I didn’t manage to really get any help with the pain and carried on. In March 2017 I landed my dream job and everything was going great. I hate exercising but in Sept I took up running and I quite honestly felt better than I ever have done in my adult life and I was happy. 
On 28th Sept 2017 whIlst driving to work my car slipped on some oil and I collided head on with another car resulting in a broken humerus and wrist.... and 6 months off work as I couldn’t drive to get there until my arm healed and due to the nature of my work place was classed as a risk. 
Eventually I returned but things weren’t the same and on top of the constant pain I was experiencing my mental health started to deteriorate as I was receiving no support from work etc.

fast forward and after the last year and a half of constant pain, fighting to get through the day, falling asleep at my desk at work and lots of other horrible symptoms and stress I have now been diagnosed as having chronic pain and ME and have been off work since July. They are not being very forthcoming with supporting me back to work and most days I am struggling to stay awake and when I am awake I am exhausted and in pain and I am literally at my wits end with it. My house is a mess because I just can’t keep on top of it, I’m letting people down left right and centre because I don’t wake up to an alarm and I really have had enough.

i have no idea where to turn, I’m receiving SSP and I have a supportive wife but I feel so alone and frustrated. I have no social life whatsoever and I just don’t know what else to do. I’m 33 and I have had enough with this half life. I’m tired of being tired and feeling so lonely because people don’t understand. 

Does anybody else experience these feelings or does anyone have any tips on how I can get myself out of this rut? 


  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @laurynej   Pleased to meet you.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.

    Sorry to hear what you have been through. You come to the right place we are a supportive, compassionate community.

    Empathise have sensitivity.

    I am one of the team of community champions. We support members advise, help, offer guidance.

    Please if I can suggest using the following these are organisations, charities to help you give some healing and recovery.

    I used the mental health charities.  To give you a lot of reassurance there the best people to deal with those issues you have.

    Also help you, support you in the work place. There work with employers, look at everything, benefits, well being, health anything else they can help with.

    Do take clientele with additional disabilities. You can self refer or speak to your GP.

    This last one an advocate charity. Represents you in any difficulties like this right now.

    Employers have a duty of care and health to wards their employees . This charity would be useful.

    For your ME chronic pain two organisations useful.

    I have an extensive knowledge of mental health and everything around it.

    Plus nutritional, diet food related qualifications.

    My own history thirty years mental health ongoing, with addiction. Clean from that thirteen years this year.

    Disability from  birth, mental health remains.

    Used all those three charities educate you learn give you coping methods, instil ideas care plans goals and aims to make you feel better.

    Please if I can advise on anything especially anything you need to know.

    Diet, nutrition wellbeing so important.

    Please if I can suggest am here if you need to know and have any problems.  Any questions.

    Please contact me happy to help.

    Please take care your a valued member of our community.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,133 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @laurynej - Welcome to this very supportive community. I'm very sorry to read about all the problems you've had & how it's affected your mental health. My friend thespiceman certainly understands, & I'm sure his advice will help you. It might also be an idea to let your GP know how you're feeling. You're also most welcome to talk here, there's usually someone around, & do ask thespiceman if you have any questions.
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @laurynej and a very warm welcome to the community! 

    Thank for taking the time to share this with us and I'm sorry for all the pain you have endured. It can be had to find our own identity when you have symptoms that can takeover at times, but it is possible.

    Like other members have suggested, have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? Alternatively, you can use the mental health support directory which will allow you to see the services available in your area. It is possible that you don't need a GP to access some of this. 

    Please do let us know how you get on and you're very welcome to talk with others as they might be in a similar situation to yourself. Take care. :)

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