Hello! My name is Lauryn and to be honest I’m not even really sure why I’m writing this, I have never written anything like this down and actually probably haven’t verbalised it before either.
A brief ‘history’, I became very depressed around 2013, in 2015 I tried to end my life and almost succeeded, I received some help from the mental health team at my local hospital and had some counselling and worked really hard to get my life back together, in Oct 2016 whilst driving home from
work I was hit from behind in my car, it wasn’t a big deal no major damage or so I thought. In the days that followed I started to get a lot of pain in my neck and left shoulder. I didn’t manage to really get any help with the pain and carried on. In March 2017 I landed my dream job and everything was going great. I hate exercising but in Sept I took up running and I quite honestly felt better than I ever have done in my adult life and I was happy.
On 28th Sept 2017 whIlst driving to work my car slipped on some oil and I collided head on with another car resulting in a broken humerus and wrist.... and 6 months off work as I couldn’t drive to get there until my arm healed and due to the nature of my work place was classed as a risk.
Eventually I returned but things weren’t the same and on top of the constant pain I was experiencing my mental health started to deteriorate as I was receiving no support from work etc.
fast forward and after the last year and a half of constant pain, fighting to get through the day, falling asleep at my desk at work and lots of other horrible symptoms and stress I have now been diagnosed as having chronic pain and ME and have been off work since July. They are not being very forthcoming with supporting me back to work and most days I am struggling to stay awake and when I am awake I am exhausted and in pain and I am literally at my wits end with it. My house is a mess because I just can’t keep on top of it, I’m letting people down left right and centre because I don’t wake up to an alarm and I really have had enough.
i have no idea where to turn, I’m receiving SSP and I have a supportive wife but I feel so alone and frustrated. I have no social life whatsoever and I just don’t know what else to do. I’m 33 and I have had enough with this half life. I’m tired of being tired and feeling so lonely because people don’t understand.
Does anybody else experience these feelings or does anyone have any tips on how I can get myself out of this rut?
