Has anyone experienced this? 48 year old Autistic daughter — Scope | Disability forum
Find out how to let us know if you're concerned about another member's safety.

Has anyone experienced this? 48 year old Autistic daughter

mlocke Member Posts: 4 Listener
I have a 48 year old Autistic daughter non-verbal. She has decided to not wear underwear. She is incontinent of urine. She lives at home with me and has 24 hour care. Her staff and I are at the end of our minds. We have tried everything to get her to wear her underwear. Her motivators are food or going out in the community. We have tried both and neither have been successful. Has anyone here experienced this with their loved one? If so did you ever find an answer? Forcing is not the answer as she rips them and her clothes off screaming and yelling. Thank you for any suggestions they will be greatly appreciated.


  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 12,270 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @mlocke - Welcome to the community. I'm pleased you've joined as I hope another parent may be able to help with your predicament.
    Just a thought, but as she likes going out, do you think she might like the idea of going & choosing some new underwear for herself if you took her shopping?
  • mlocke
    mlocke Member Posts: 4 Listener
    We can not get her in large department stores or larger grocery stores. The stores we can get her in do not have underwear for people who are incontinent of urine. Thank you so much for your suggestion. 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    edited January 2020
    Hello @mlocke    Pleased to meet you.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.

    I am one of the team of Community Champions.

    We guide, advise and help, support members.

    Please have you contacted this organisation.


    Helpline 020 7833 2299

    See how they can offer any solutions or information.

    Please if I can help further please ask.

    Please take care.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • kami24
    kami24 Member Posts: 402 Pioneering
    edited January 2020
    I looked after a 24 year old who was similar to this scenario! It's extremely hard for you I know that as her mum struggled with her.
    I think her mum tried different techniques like encouraging her by rewards etc but with not much affect. If your daughter is close to different people who she trusts too, then them trying to tell her instead may help, as someone else may have a different affect - you never know. I think the girl i looked after did it in the end only for her dad in the end as she is close to him so I would definitely try another person (if it is possible). Not sure if social workers can help or not
  • mlocke
    mlocke Member Posts: 4 Listener
    My daughter has care workers in our home round the clock and they have all tried. She really likes her staff so I know she is fond of all. We have tried rewards, outings, ignoring, reasoning and just letting her go without underwear. The problem is she is incontinent of urine due to a neurogenic bladder. Thank you for your post I do appreciate all responses and hopefully one will work.
  • kami24
    kami24 Member Posts: 402 Pioneering
    Sorry to hear this, it must be hard for you x
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,557 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @mlocke and a warm welcome to the community! Just wanted to check in and see how you and your daughter were getting on. I also am tagging our autism adviser @SparkleSheffieldAutismAdvisors who might be  able to offer more advice. :)

  • mlocke
    mlocke Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Thank you so much for your continued support. With great gladness I am happy to report the problem has been resolved for now! After many months we finally accomplished our goal to get my daughter to wear once again underwear. I purchased one piece pj's and jumpsuits. Putting them on her backwards so she couldn't take them off. Then after awhile offering her regular pj's or clothes to wear. Took several days, she is now wearing regular clothes and underwear.

    Thank You
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,557 Disability Gamechanger
    That's great news @mlocke! I'm really pleased to hear that this has been resolved. Please do have a look around and get involved with other discussions if you'd like! :)

  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,868 Connected
    Hello and welcome!

    Have you tried NHS incontinence pads or not? I think that you can get them for those with learning disabilities as well as those with non cognitive impairments. Talk to her doctor or speak with your GP about them to see if you can afford them. There is even a home delivery service if the need arises too. 

    Do you have a continence advisor? A urologist once told me about them at a appointment. Now my son has two pads one for home and one for out and about. They have saved my sanity on more than one occasion. Ask for a referral. 


Complete our feedback form and tell us how we can make the community better.