Mental health issues
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

The Deathly Silence!

IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
I wonder if I'm the only one (and, it feels like I am during every overnight period) who can almost here the deathly silence around them, as if silence almost had a sound of its own.  Friends don't have a clue how to be friends.  Family members have no idea how to be supportive, or how to even give a damn.  If I could just "magic" up a new friend, it would be bearable, but "friends" and "family" are not what they used to be.  I'm just plain sick of being alone, with nobody's hand holding mine and giving me some reason to carry on with all of this silly life stuff.  

Do any of you feel the same way?  How can this high powered loneliness even be fought against, when there's nobody there to encourage us?


  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @IanHaines   Pleased to meet you.  Thank you for your post.

    Sorry to hear this, I live on my own see no one lost the last friends I physically see.

    A lot of this I know is the self centred acts of others. Remember your human, done nothing wrong.

    Mental health is often misunderstood by those who are friends have no knowledge or education how we as people cope.

    Including those who are close to us.

    I have had my own issues since teenage years but suffered in silence. Till identified in early twenties.

    What is important is you what do you want from life are the questions you need to ask your self. ?

    I do this forum a lot every day as one of the Community Champions meet  members like yourself every day who are lonely and suffering.

    I can offer solutions, ideas and initiatives to help you.  Guide and supportive organisations are useful and helpful.

    Because they give the important message you can live with the mental health use the knowledge and education they provide but also give you the tools to cope.

    Please can I add these .  Many have Social activities, plans, schemes and use support groups to instil ways to deal with your issues.

    Many of these have if I can add benefit advice and offer floating support need to add also offer opportunities to look at new paths and avenues.

    With new paths and avenues new friends new contacts new beginnings.

    Please can I say used many of these to learn get qualifications self  esteem, confidence is the most essential tools in the arsenal of mental health and life in general.

    Be inspirational find some new ways to meet those like you.

    We want radiators not drains, we want success comes in cans not can nots.  If we throw a stone in our path do we stand still moan groan or move over or around on to the green grass.

    All can be achieved if you so wish you have to find the positivity's in your own life.

    Make a list of qualities, skills, talents you have. Look at those where can I go meet those like me, meet those who could be part of a social scene.

    I used volunteering . Your own Community Volunteer Unit has lots of opportunities to give you a new life and help with your mental health.

    I worked a tip for you. Volunteered organisations, charities, mental health ones.

    Then any issues or problems there to assist offer any thing.

    Done gardening have interests in herbs, spices. Create gardens herb ones for these resource centres. That offer courses daily.

    Another one to meet people, courses one day ones and several others.

    Gain qualifications comes with self esteem and confidence.

    One other physical activities does not have to be hard. Tia Chi, swimming other such as walking groups.

    Look one final one SCOPE go and speak to your local branch . Good to get involved.

    Or speak to the team here.

    [email protected]

    Need volunteers on this site for role of Community Champions.

    Helps me very much meet new friends supportive of others. 

    Many are friends, we keep in touch although never meet but does every day become a friendship and the inspiration to carry on.

    All you need is a good open approach honest, kind be supportive.

    Offer any skills or health issues can be useful, any thing useful.

    Team are wonderful.

    Please can I add one further point you have to be content with your own body and mind. Friendships will come but need to share will achieve every thing you wish to be adapting changing.

    I have disability , addiction history and my mental health use all of three knowledge to heal my self in side.

    From those whom I have met.

    Hope that helps you to understand the need to look at the links and organisations.  Any of the ideas and suggestions.

    Always here to be supportive, offer compassion ready to listen.

    Please take care.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Wow!  When you do a reply, you REALLY do a reply.  I've added those links to my bookmarks, in Chrome.  I can't go and volunteer for anything outside my home because I've been a prisoner of my home, due to agoraphobia, for 22 years, now.  

    My disabilities are psychiatric, but are pretty debilitating, anyway.  Social anxiety and a damaged immune system keep me pretty much continually away from close quarters company, so I feel threatened even by simple visitors who are not known to me, such as electricians, gas safety engineers and sometimes even Tesco grocery home shopping delivery van drivers.  Every time I peel back an "Ian layer", there's another troublesome mental health layer beneath it, and the list goes on.  I used to tell my sister that she seemed to infuriate would-be helpers of her by having, "A problem for every answer."  My mind/body do that with me, now.  

    Thank you for your comprehensive and positive response.
  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    I apologise for using the word "here" instead of "hear", at the top of this thread.
  • charlie79charlie79 Member Posts: 198 Pioneering
    I do the same. My flat is my safe haven. Gas men come I have to h some one present. Fear is immense ptsd relive events. Not on ur own with agrophobia

  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Thanks for that, Charlie...if I lived next door to you, I'd bring me chess set and we'd play the night away! We could watch peaceful, funny films and jabber about just about everything.   :)
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2020
    Hello @IanHaines   Thank you for reply, this is what I do as do any of the Community Champions.

    Pleasure to help be supportive, please thank you for sharing.

    A difficult situation.   I am aware of the problems around mental health.

    Met many people with  conditions illness and others those who are friends a part of my life some are and some were.

    I know just wanted to add speak to any one of the links see what they can offer.

    A mention or some one to talk to can be beneficial. The first charity Richmond Fellowship before I left were considering operating SKYPE to their clientele.

    This was because it can be helpful to get in touch be supportive of others, not necessary to visit.

    This charity also gives you a laptop to use. 

    Also one other the team if you do contact any of the charities are there to be understanding and compassionate. Many have had mental health issues.

    One piece of reassurance is you have come the Community asking for help.

    I use this every day do understand and feel for those like yourself.

    I am sorry the ideas and suggestions but there just some guidance and general advice I thought be helpful.

    Please I am always here, anytime wish to talk, chat.

    Please take care.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • chiariedschiarieds Member Posts: 7,884 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @IanHaines - may I add my welcome to this very supportive community. I'm pleased you've 'met' my very dear friend thespiceman. He really gives his heart replying to anyone who has mental health issues as he has a great understanding of these as well as incredible resources, which I do hope you'll look into.
    You mention a 'damaged immune system,' & what often seems to happen is that a physical problem can sadly impact upon a person's mental health. Loneliness can affect people with both physical & mental health problems, which saddens me enormously.
    I hope you'll find this a very friendly place to be. We all share & care for each other. I've said this before on the forum, but altho we all have different disorders/disabilities, we often have much in common, so do have that little bit of understanding. So I'm holding your hand too; you're not alone, but part of this great community.
  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Thanks, SpiceMan and thanks, also, to Chiarieds!

    People with mental health issues have an affinity with one another.  I think we can sometimes spot other mental health troubled people around us and I think we were always intended to, by Nature.  

    Ian.  ("The Member From Hell", for short!)
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2020
    Hello @IanHaines   Good morning to you. Great your met my wonderful friend @chiarieds .

    Has lots of kindness and support.

    Mentioned in previous posts damaged immune systems and the mental health you have.

    I wanted to add this is something I do know about.  I had an addiction alcoholism with my mental health for thirty years.

    Been clean now for thirteen this year but have the effects of physical, mental illness.

    Got very ill with addiction immune systems do suffer with any alcoholism.

    I was concerned and need to find answers had to.  Falling down can not walk muscle weakness and can not eat anything.

    If I did became sick or ill or had been eating I thought the right foods to heal.

    Auto immune systems of our bodies can be helped and healed by several ways one eating the right foods, diet and nutrition.

    Being the positive mind, what we eat find reflects us a human beings.

    If we eat loads of foods not good mentally, cakes, biscuits, red meat, alcohol, those foods naughty but nice but do know effect us.

    Putting on weight and obesity then we have to know they are harmful.

    I ballooned up to a huge weight at one time, discussed with ongoing support workers . Wellbeing service intervened and I am OK.

    Please can I add and share the Probiotic science of food this something my speciality.  Done research and do give this to members of our Community who may need some encouragement and some ideas to boost immune systems.

    Probiotic and Prebiotic  foods are ones to boost immune systems and if no allergies food intolerances are very useful. To consider adding in the diet and for nutrition.

    You may be eating them already which is good but these all have antibacterial properties.

    Consult always your GP for any changes in diet or talk to the people treating you.  Any teams you may have.

    Just a precaution as some meds could effect any meds if your taking them but usually the foods recommended are not harmful.

    These include Vegetables, Fruit .  Vegetables Carrots, Celery  Onions, Leeks and Garlic.  Peppers, Courgettes, Tomatoes any tinned or fresh.

    Fruit Apples, Pears. Bananas . Berries buy these frozen all . Blackberries, Blueberries, Cherries. 

    Porridge Oats.  Dairy important Yoghurt with added bacterial culture in it.  Not Greek style. All Greek ones, or Natural with cultures all maintain immune systems help balance gut health boost wellbeing.

    Whole grains, Bread, Pasta.  Pulses beans .  Potatoes and Grains Couscous Bulgar wheat.

    Fish and spices, herbs.  I also add in seeds, nuts and dried fruit. 

    Spices Chillies all types. Turmeric and Cumin, Cinnamon, Coriander , Ginger fresh ground or shredded.  Small amounts . Herbs Basil, Thyme, Oregano Parsley, Rosemary dried be fine small amounts useful. Fresh could grow easy enough to do.

    Fennel Seeds good for stomach and gut health.

    Fish Omega Three and Six essential immune protection.  Buy Tins be fine. Salmon any oily fish, Sardines, Mackerel in a sandwich. 

    Much of this food comes from the Mediterranean  regions and is used with the added bonus, healthy and maintains the body systems.

    In those regions poverty a problem  so keep fit and healthy.

    Low rates of illness, heart disease, infections in the regions.

    Please if I can add you can do courses on line to help you.  Always worth doing.

    Something I recommend you can do this on line no need to go out.

    More you know about your illness, diet, nutrition the more can help the problems.

    I have to address mine, GP best friend but they can do so  much. On meds and do a lot for 

    It can be done, I am prove of that once given a time scale by GP to live or to change.

    If that is a reason to look at why I had to adapt.

    One other do know about your condition and do understand it is important that you always take small steps.

    One of the aspects for me is right now going out, can do it but need to if I can have to go out .

    What helps is the knowledge and coping methods used by mental health charities.

    Please hope this helps I wish you well.

    Please take care.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    SpiceMan:  I'll be taking a look at the online courses that you mentioned...I didn't even know they existed.  Thanks for that.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2020
    Hello @IanHaines   Thankyou for reply this might help you.

    Also worth considering Open University many courses there can do from home.

    I did a lot of them on Food science and other health issues.

    No need to travel any where. The web is a wonderful source of education and knowledge.

    Speak and look on the your Councils Websites or local Colleges.  In your area.

    Many courses accessed from home to do, no need for College visits. Also Staff many employed are members of our Community help l those like  you to support you from home.

    Worth enquiring, understanding and compassionate.  Talk to them see how they can help you.

    Another reason I suggested the Mental Health charities they can support you and help you to cope.  I know a big step maybe but I wanted to explain my own situation in the previous post.

    Something to think about with modern technology all changing the time  to ask for information and advice.

    Mental health charities recognise the loneliness the issues the problems.

    In my own circumstances first when meeting support workers do a review of needs, whether home or benefits or anything else.

    Including the possibility of new technology and what how this can benefit you.

    Give you some opportunities to communicate with others with out any one physically visiting you or be in your home.

    Just something to give you some reassurance,

    Please ask me if I can help or wish to know anything.

    I can find out for you pleasure to do so.

    Please take care.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2020
    Hello @IanHaines   Open University distance learning on line courses.

    Telephone 0845 300 6090

    Hope that helps.

    Good luck.

    Please take care.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Welcome to the community @IanHaines! It's great to have you here. :) 

    I'm glad to see you have had a warm welcome, please feel free to have a look around and just give us a shout if you need anything. :)
    Community Partner

    Tell us what you think?
    Complete our feedback form to help us to improve your community.
  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    Thanks, Chloe...when I tried to sign up, here, I discovered that I was already a member and, miraculously, remembered my password, too, which is a first, for me.  Thanks, for the welcome.

  • IanHainesIanHaines Member Posts: 27 Courageous
    SpiceMan:  Thanks for the extra information.
Sign in or join us to comment.