My name is Emily, I’m a 24-year-old blogger and
disability campaigner from the North East of England. I use a wheelchair and
you’ll often find me tweeting about #accessfails! I’m passionate about the
barriers that many disabled people face in their daily lives and how we can
work together to break them down.
Like many others, I use Twitter as a way of connecting with
other disabled people. I recently participated in a thread relating to the difficulties
that many disabled people face when it comes to socialising and meeting new
people. I was really struck by some of the comments describing the impact that
these barriers can have. One person even said that they hadn’t left their own
postcode for over a year as they felt unable to cope with the barrage of
barriers that visiting unfamiliar places presented to them.
According to research by the Jo Cox Commission
on Loneliness, over half of disabled people report that they feel lonely.
Reflecting on my own experiences, and reading about the experiences of others
online, I find myself to be sadly unsurprised by this statistic. It got me
thinking, as this year marks a decade since the Equality Act (2010), why is it
that disabled people are still confronted with so many barriers to socialise
with others?
Access anxiety
I’ve suffered with generalized anxiety for a long time, but
when I became disabled, a new kind of anxiety started to appear in my life; I
like to call it Access Anxiety. The snazzy name refers to the high levels of
anxiety I often experience when I want to go out and socialise, but fear what
accessibility issues I may encounter on the way there and when I arrive. These
issues could involve anything from inaccessibility of public transport, to
visiting somewhere new and discovering there’s a set of stairs up to the
entrance which they failed to mention on their website.
These problems can be significantly intensified when you’re
meeting somebody new – whether that’s a friend, a date or even a potential
employer. Fortunately, my close friends are now familiar with the places that
do work for me and which won’t. However, when I’m meeting somebody new, I have
a choice to make. Do I risk freaking them out by going into the full detail of
where I can and can’t meet, or do I just hope they choose somewhere suitable?
Or do I just avoid the situation altogether? Sometimes I find it too exhausting
to deal with Access Anxiety and having to explain why I can’t meet new people
at certain places or do certain things. I often find it easier to just deal
with the FOMO and stay home with my most reliable friend (…Netflix).
Society’s perception of disabled people
Access Anxiety is not the only thing I have to worry about
when it comes to meeting somebody new. Whilst we have come a long way in terms
of society’s perception and treatment of disabled people, we still have a long
way to go. I believe that one of the greatest barriers that I and other
disabled people face is being met with poor understanding from able-bodied
people.
When meeting somebody new, I must decide if I need to give
them some sort of pre-warning that I’m disabled. Whilst I don’t really think I
should ever have to do this; I can never really know how somebody is going to
react to my disability. So sometimes giving them a head’s up can avoid awkward
moments.
I’ve experienced all kinds of reactions, some positive, some
negative, and some that are just weird! Of course, there’s always the chance
they’re going to give you that startled look accompanied with “Oh, what’s wrong
with you?”. Some people really seem to struggle to separate the disability from
the individual in front of them, and some days it’s just exhausting to have to
explain yourself yet again.
According to The Red
Cross, one in two able-bodied people believe they have nothing in common
with disabled people. A quarter admit they have actively avoided engaging in
conversation with a disabled person. It’s no wonder then that it’s so hard to
meet new people as a disabled person, when you’re met with pre-judgment and
misunderstanding. Sometimes, knowing all of this makes me want to avoid meeting
new people as it just doesn’t feel worth it.
What can we do?
The fight for equal treatment and access is ongoing.
Barriers need to be tackled piece by piece. It’s okay if you aren’t feeling in
a position to fight it today. But if you are, I believe that sharing your
experiences is one of the most powerful things you can do, whether that’s
online or in person. Disabled people deserve to socialise and make new
connections as much as anybody else. If you aren’t disabled and encounter
somebody who is, think about how you can be a good ally. It’s always good to
ask what you can do to help.
You can follow Emily’s
journey on her blog or on social media @ableemily.
Have you faced barriers when socialising? What did you
find helps? Let us know in the comments below!
