Possible Aspergers? — Scope | Disability forum
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Possible Aspergers?

Kath4272816 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
Hi all

I am new to the site so hello ?

I suspect I may have some level of aspergers or similar and wondered if anyone could advise? 

I am 43 years old, although I am successful in my career and do very well, I am very aware of things being different. I am unable to form bonds with people, I remain single as cannot develop feelings for others (I love animals though). I obsess over things quite a lot such a lot and overdo it and go to far even though I know I’m causing myself problems with it. I hate loud noises and like a silent house (don’t mind music on sometimes) and being around people absolutely exhausts me, to the point of not liking visitors coming and not forming friendships. I don’t mind a ‘planned’ visitor for an hour or two once every so often but that’s enough! 

I have never married and never wanted children and like being alone (although sometimes I wish I could be or feel differently) but I know this won’t happen. I can never be my true self around people and for the last 20-25 years I have had the ‘me’ that people see which is sometimes a bit of a front or act. Even if someone asks me what music I like I can’t tell them answer feel it’s too personal and giving them an insight into me which I know is ridiculous! 

Does anyone else else feel like this or similar?



  • Firefly123
    Firefly123 Community member Posts: 530 Pioneering
    Hi @Kath4272816 I have similar experience with my brother but we actually didn't know what autism was. It was not until my son got his diagnosis that my brother was like wow that is so him.

    My daughter who also has autism feels everything its to private even just simple things like yes what music she likes. 

    Would knowing help you understand better?
    There are a few tests you can do online that might give you an dea if your on the spectrum. 
  • Kath4272816
    Kath4272816 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    Hi Firefly123 

    thanks for you’re reply and thats so interesting to Hear that you’re daughter is the same without even things like music being private! I’ve not known anyone else to feel the same. 

    I think in a a way it would help to know if I wasn’t or not. All my life’s I’ve been described lovingly as odd, weird, strange and funny and sometimes I feel I would like to know the reason why. It’s  almost like I’m living a life I don’t really want to live but never know why I am stuck living it. 

    I have done a few a few online tests and it’s comes out as borderline or mid way to being on the spectrum 
  • Firefly123
    Firefly123 Community member Posts: 530 Pioneering
    The spectrum it really very vast I have 3 young adults on the spectrum but my daughter is by far the most complexed. Even trying to get simple answers from her is hard work.

    She will talk about her dog for hours but trying to make small talk with her gets you no where just why would I care about that. 
  • Kath4272816
    Kath4272816 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    I can understand that. Sometimes people talk at me and I just zone out and really couldn’t tell you what they’d were saying but get me on the subject of cats or sports I do and there’s no no shutting me up! I feel myself going overboard and boring people but can’t stop!
  • Firefly123
    Firefly123 Community member Posts: 530 Pioneering
    Yes sounds very typical in this house as I said my daughter is her dog.. My son is history he can go on for hours. My other son is conspiracy's they all have different special interests and on them subjects they will engage.
    So I'm now an expert in all three ? 
  • Kath4272816
    Kath4272816 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    ?? running for me! Although I Ann partial to conspiracies as well and get so angry when people don’t believe them lol 
  • Firefly123
    Firefly123 Community member Posts: 530 Pioneering
    Haha yes that's the same as my kids I've learned to just say ah instead of getting into why I totally disagree with some ? I sometimes get asked questions to make sure I was listening. 

    Nothing worse then when they all decide I should listen to them. As all are not interested in each others interests. 
    A long bath helps at times ☺ 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 15,902 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Kath4272816 - & welcome to this community. I see you've had some great replies from @Firefly123 who has a great understanding.
    I'm not sure I can add much, but just to say our son saw a neuropsychologist when he was 20 because of his poor memory. He's a very visual person, & with one of the tests he undertook having been asked to go through the alphabet naming objects, he got stuck on 'F' as he visualised a Ferrari, & couldn't continue.
    The neuropsychologist said he wouldn't diagnose him, but on the scale of 'normal' to ASD, he was 'next door' to Asperger Syndrome. He scored 100% in most tests compared to his peers, who were also university students, but his fine motor skills also weren't good.
    He was, & is, obsessed with big cats, but this was never mentioned, nor his lack of socialising at the time.
    He later met his first girlfriend online, & married the 2nd whom he met in real life; they even went to a zoo on their honeymoon, & a special sanctuary for a rare big cat to be seen in captivity here in the UK.. His wife does tease saying how did I ever put up with him.
     Previous 'dates' had been to zoos to see big cats.
    Like me, he likes peace & quiet, & prefers the TV off.
    I wish you would be your true self, as I feel from the little I understand, that say in my son's case he was noted to be very artistic from age 4; at secondary school one teacher said she'd never seen a student that understood colour so well. He played the violin from age 9, & later played some music backwards, as he was bored!
    I feel there are some gifts in seeing things differently that 'neurotypical' people don't always see. I do appreciate that you may be more severely affected, but only against what is considered the 'norm' whatever that is.
    As Firefly says, the ASD spectrum is vast, & just giving my personal experience of my lovely son.

  • Rhodie72
    Rhodie72 Community member Posts: 17 Connected
    Hi Kath

    I would suggest using this website for an inkling of what you may face:

    This is how I found out at age 46, oddly.
    Dream big, plan well, achieve goals, live the dream.

  • IrishManc
    IrishManc Community member Posts: 53 Courageous
    Rhodie72 said:
    Hi Kath

    I would suggest using this website for an inkling of what you may face:

    This is how I found out at age 46, oddly.
    This is certainly interesting for me at age 49, as being on Universal Credit, the job coaches seem to think that it is a priority to get a formal diagnosis of Aspergers (possibly without a GP referral) following both my own (limited) research and those things said to me by some family members and friends back home in Ireland following my redundancy after 17 years in September 2019 here in the U.K., where I’ve lived since 2002 - my biggest concern would be the costs of this and also, at my current age, it would be more difficult to diagnose - my childhood and family life, as well as school life growing up back home in Ireland was not the best, growing up with parents who had their own issues and in a very strong Catholic environment in a small Irish village - I completed the online test and found that I’d had borderline Aspergers but if there was a way that Scope could find a workaround without a GP referral with assurances as to any costs involved, perhaps this could satisfy the DWP and improve my chances of gaining employment, as I’m in a very difficult situation at present 


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