Sexual help

martie

Hi, i need some advise, I am an adult who has server Cerebral palsy. I have very little hand control and would like to experience sex. I have PA's looking after me 24/7 and I understand I can't ask them to help me because of the law, if they took to person to get sexual help would this be breaking the law?
Thanks, 

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie, Thanks for the question and I hope you are doing okay during these different times?

Firstly it is not illegal for your PA to take to see a sexual services provider. If they refuse to, they are actually breaking the law under the Human Rights Act.

Take a look at the TLC Trust website. TLC Trust is an organisation that helps disabled people make contact with providers. Please make sure you read the FAQs and Help and Advice sections of their website. That way you will be prepared and it will help ensure that you have the best experience possible.


If you want any more help or advice let me know.

martie11

Hi Richard, 
Hope you are well and safe? I have some leather gear especially made for me and I need to try them on to see whether they fit before trying to use them. I have asked some of my PA's to help me to try them on unfortunately they refused saying they what they have been made for. i did say that do and try on clothes in the shops leather or not, their answer back was they know what purpose they were made for, i fully appreciate what they are saying but they know that they haven't been worn for that purpose yet.
Thanks,
 martie

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie11
I'm very well thanks. I hope you are too?
Your PA's should not refuse to help you wear a certain type of clothes! You have not requested them to take part in any physical activity, just to help you change into another outfit.
Not one of your PA's will help you with this request?

martie11

Hi Richard,
I do apologise for replying not  earlier. i'm keeping well thanks and you?  I have asked one PA and she agreed, unfortunately she hasn't yet helped me. I have remained her on  numerous occasions, I am still waiting, what can I do. Are they breaking any law whatsoever and how can I get proof to show them?  I not sure whether you can answer this, when could carry I carry on with my sexual activities? I hope you enjoy your bank holiday weekend.

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie11
I'm very well thank you. I hope you are too? It's tricky but I would have another conversation with the PA and see if you can get to a definite agreement.
Here is the legal advice from the TLC Trust:

• It is perfectly legal to contact a sex worker on behalf of a disabled person and make the booking arrangements. 
• It is perfectly legal for a disabled resident to invite a sex worker into their room in their residential establishment or hospice.
• Personal benefits certainly can legally cover costs. There is an element of disability benefits that is there to enable the emotional, physical and social needs of the individual and sexual services fall under these areas for many people. In the same way that a client can save up from their benefits for a holiday, massage, hair cut or trips out, they can save for sexual/intimate services. 
• If your client lacks mental capacity, you and members of your team can decide what is in their best interest and document how this decision was reached and, once this is done, legally proceed to find sexual help for him or her.

I hope that helps?
Let me know if it doesn't.

martie11

Hi, Richard,
I'm thanks just want get out from these four walls. Thank for information may I print to show PA's? Hope mind asking another question, A few years back I saved up a machine called the Venus 2000 to give some sexual relief, I had a PA who since left. She has use get me ready and left the two controls beside and she left me until I was finished. Was that legal or was it her choice to help me? Although the machine helpful it could never compare with bodily contact.  

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie11, Yes, it's absolutely fine for you to print out the legal guidelines. What your previous PA did for you is also perfectly legal.

You need to have a very honest conversation with your most open-minded PA. Some people are just squimish about sex or anything to do with sexual feelings.

martie11

Hi Richard,
I hope you are still there and still remember me. I am still having enormous difficulty in persuading any of my PA's to let me try my leather gear on only to see whether they fit and that is all, I printed out everything you have said but unfortunately they don't believe me, I am sure they think I have made it all up. I wonder if Scope got a Solicitor who can formerly put in an email or a latter pointing the law and where we all stand on this subject.
I feel like they are all accusing of making all this up and it really hunting me inside.     

Ross_Alumni

Hi @martie11 and welcome back to the community, thanks for the update  

I'm sorry to hear you have struggled to make progress in this situation, I'm sure that @Richard_Scope will absolutely remember you, and I'm certain he will get back to you whenever he is next around which should be the beginning of next week  

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie11
I'm so sorry to read this. It must so annoying and frustrating for you. I don't mind speaking with the company about this situation.

martie11

Hi  Richard,
Hope you keeping well and safe? Unfortunately, all the PA's are employed by me, I know what to do anymore. I feel that I just lost the battle for some normality in my life.      

Richard_Scope

@martie11 don't give up! What you are requesting is perfectly legal. Please see Sex, Disability and the Law 

I sense that your PAs are imposing their attitudes onto you which is not right or fair. 

Richard_Scope

Hi @martie11
my colleague @Cher_Scope has created an excellent information thread that might be interesting to you.
National Sexual Health Week