Hello from an autism Mum
TShurey
Online Community Member Posts: 8 Connected
Hi there, our son is 18 and has autism. During this isolation he is spending all day on his PC gaming. I have come on here hoping to hear from other parents. Any ideas on how to structure his day? Do others work? I’m juggling work and making sure he eats, showers etc. Tracy.
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Hi @TShurey - Welcome to this friendly & supportive community, Tracy. It certainly must be difficult for you at the moment trying to balance work & home life. We do have parents here with children with autism, & Scope has a section about this, where you might meet others. Please see: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/learning-disabilities-and-autism There's also one for parents: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/carers-of-disabled-children-and-adultsI'll also tag @Louise_Scope as I feel she will be able to advise. Thank you, Louise.I hope some of this will help, & do chat here yourself absolutely any time.
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Hi @TShurey and welcome to the Community. It's nice to meet you and thank you for sharing with us. Yes, it can't be easy trying to balance home life, caring for your son and work. I'm sure you are doing a great job though! I can appreciate how you would like to know how to structure your son's day more and hopefully chatting to other parents with children who have autism too will help. I hope you find the links above provided by @chiarieds to be helpful and I do hope that @Louise_Scope can advise you also.
Certainly chatting on here will be helpful too as we are all here to support you and everyone is so friendly on the forum. I hope you enjoy your time with us anyway and find the forum to be a useful place to be. Good luck with finding some more ideas on structure for your son. He is very lucky to have such a caring mum! Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on and if we can be of any help/support at all then please just let us know. All the best. 1 -
Good morning @TShurey. I hope you're doing well this morning.
A couple of bits of general advice first of all. If you'd like to let me know a bit more about your son and his usual routine before lockdown, I may be able to give you some more ideas later.
Firstly, you are covering all his basic needs at a time that is so uncertain for our children. We're all uneasy at the moment, but for people with autism, this is all really hard to make sense of. By keeping as much 'normality' as possible, you're helping to make your son feel safe and secure.
Secondly, although spending all day on the PC isn't ideal, I wouldn't worry too much about him having some extra time on there. Again, this is a very unsettling time, and the escapism that computers provide can help at the moment. I too have a teenage son with autism, and I've allowed a bit of leeway on the computer time during this period.
However, it would obviously be good for your son to have other activities during the day. Like I said before, if you let me know a bit more about him, I may be able to be a bit more specific, but I'd keep any activities very straight forward and logical. I'd give him the job of structuring his day, with you giving him simple choices. E.g. don't say, "Would you like to do something other than the PC today?" (i.e. he can say 'no'!). You could try:- "Would you like your PC time this morning or this afternoon?"
- "After lunch, would you like to go for a walk or do some baking?"
- "Before you go on your PC, you need to empty the dishwasher."
- "There's a really good programme on TV; what time should we watch it?"
The main aim is to help him feel safe and secure (which it sounds like you're doing) and give him some control over his day that fits in with your family life. Remember, it needs to be about you too!
At Scope, we're also running some online Zoom workshops for parents. If you'd like more information, please let me know as we'd be more than happy for you to join us.
Take care.
Louise6 -
Hi @TShureyMy 18 year old son with autism also spends a lot of time in his room gaming. I am not allowed in there!I work 2 days a week at the moment and it's a challenge making sure he is up, showered and logged into his online classes when he is supposed to be. So I hear where you are coming from!We can only do our best in challenging times and as you say, he's clean and fed so you are doing a great job.It's worth remembering that our autistic children are usually happiest when they're alone in their rooms, it's just us that have a problem with it!Take care from a fellow autism mum1
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Hi @TShurey, we've found it hard to establish a new routine for my brother (who has Aspergers), in the past it helps to have a written schedule with pictures so there is still an element of control. At the moment he has uni work but we've also scheduled walks, gaming, gardening and making food.
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@TShurey
Hi there!
Hope you are well and having a good day so far!
First of all, I am not a parent, I am 22 years old and autistic but I have learnt a lot from my Mum who has helped me with routine. And now I am independent enough to manage my own time. I suggest creating a timetable which your son can then fill in with you. This will encourage him to choose some alternative activities to playing on the PC all day, as well giving you the chance to ensure that the daily chores are included (i.e. showers, breakfast, meals, etc.) I have never been into PC gaming, but I had the same issue regarding work, I would work very long hours, non-stop and my Mum would find it difficult to get me to take breaks and remember that there are other things during the day which need doing. By all means include some time for him to enjoy his PC gaming, but keep it to a minimum and then he will understand that each day, he has this time to look forward to.
For example, during lockdown, I am still working from home, but I make sure that I have time slots throughout the day to eat, drink, walk the dog and spend time with the family. At the moment, it is more important than ever to make sure our mental and physical health are good. Something which helps both of these is simply by being outside, I know there are restrictions due to social distancing but even if it is in the garden, kicking a football or a walk to your local park.
I hope my suggestions help and that you do not mind me answering (as I know you asked for parents advice) but as someone who also struggled to take a break from work/doing something different, I am sure this will help, or at least be a starting point.
Take care and if you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask and I will get back to you??1 -
Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for your replies. They mean a lot. @mia97 thank you so much for giving me your insights into this situation. Absolutely invaluable. I have been getting Lach to shower, eat, unstack the dishwasher, bring in the washing and fold it, walk the dog and we all eat dinner at the table every night. My husband manages to get him to watch a tv show with him sometimes. And his big brother is teaching him GCSE maths very slowly. So, now that I typed that out, it doesn't seem so bad. But it's on my work days that a lot of these things get neglected. I guess, as @figspowart said, he's happy and it's just me worrying.
The suggestions on here to create a routine are excellent. I think I used to be way more on the ball with him when he was little. We used to have routines, behaviour charts, etc. I'll get back on it!
@Louise_Scope I'd love to hear about the zoom workshops please.
Sorry it's taken me a while to reply. It's been a juggle. Last night I went to bed super early and had some 'me' time reading a book with scented candles safely burning. That gave me the energy to hop on here today.
Tracy x
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@TShurey - please email parentsconnect@scope.org.uk and we'll send out details on workshops.
Please make sure you're taking good care of yourself. It is so important, especially in this current situation. Just try 10 minutes a day for now if you're struggling, even if it's just sitting in a quiet space with your eyes closed.
Take care.1 -
Hi my son is 17 and has autism, he is happiest left alone in his room on his computer, i work 4 days a week but luckily my husbands working from home atm... i also have a 11 year old daughter who is awaiting a autism assessment... but they are both the same.... very hard to motivate to want to do anything, they both like their own space... in the past ive tried a number of things but have learnt to let them be.... if there happy then i am happy..... cant make them someone there not! x1
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