Hello from an autism Mum

TShurey
TShurey Community member Posts: 8 Connected
in Families and carers
Hi there, our son is 18 and has autism. During this isolation he is spending all day on his PC gaming. I have come on here hoping to hear from other parents. Any ideas on how to structure his day?  Do others work? I’m juggling work and making sure he eats, showers etc. Tracy. 

Comments

  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,331 Championing
    Hi @TShurey - Welcome to this friendly & supportive community, Tracy. It certainly must be difficult for you at the moment trying to balance work & home life. We do have parents here with children with autism, & Scope has a section about this, where you might meet others. Please see: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/learning-disabilities-and-autism    There's also one for parents: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/carers-of-disabled-children-and-adults
    I'll also tag @Louise_Scope as I feel she will be able to advise. Thank you, Louise.
    I hope some of this will help, & do chat here yourself absolutely any time. :)

  • Ails
    Ails Community member Posts: 2,240 Championing
    Hi @TShurey and welcome to the Community.  It's nice to meet you and thank you for sharing with us.  Yes, it can't be easy trying to balance home life, caring for your son and work.  I'm sure you are doing a great job though!  I can appreciate how you would like to know how to structure your son's day more and hopefully chatting to other parents with children who have autism too will help.  I hope you find the links above provided by @chiarieds to be helpful and I do hope that @Louise_Scope can advise you also.

    Certainly chatting on here will be helpful too as we are all here to support you and everyone is so friendly on the forum.  I hope you enjoy your time with us anyway and find the forum to be a useful place to be.  Good luck with finding some more ideas on structure for your son.  He is very lucky to have such a caring mum!  Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on and if we can be of any help/support at all then please just let us know.  All the best.  :smile:
  • figspowart
    figspowart Community member Posts: 15 Connected

    My 18 year old son with autism also spends a lot of time in his room gaming. I am not allowed in there!

    I work 2 days a week at the moment and it's a challenge making sure he is up, showered and logged into his online classes when he is supposed to be. So I hear where you are coming from!

    We can only do our best in challenging times and as you say, he's clean and fed so you are doing a great job.

    It's worth remembering that our autistic children are usually happiest when they're alone in their rooms, it's just us that have a problem with it!

    Take care from a fellow autism mum

  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,511 Championing
    Hi @TShurey, we've found it hard to establish a new routine for my brother (who has Aspergers), in the past it helps to have a written schedule with pictures so there is still an element of control. At the moment he has uni work but we've also scheduled walks, gaming, gardening and making food. 
  • mia97
    mia97 Community member Posts: 51 Contributor
    @TShurey

    Hi there!

    Hope you are well and having a good day so far!

    First of all, I am not a parent, I am 22 years old and autistic but I have learnt a lot from my Mum who has helped me with routine. And now I am independent enough to manage my own time. I suggest creating a timetable which your son can then fill in with you. This will encourage him to choose some alternative activities to playing on the PC all day, as well giving you the chance to ensure that the daily chores are included (i.e. showers, breakfast, meals, etc.) I have never been into PC gaming, but I had the same issue regarding work, I would work very long hours, non-stop and my Mum would find it difficult to get me to take breaks and remember that there are other things during the day which need doing. By all means include some time for him to enjoy his PC gaming, but keep it to a minimum and then he will understand that each day, he has this time to look forward to.

    For example, during lockdown, I am still working from home, but I make sure that I have time slots throughout the day to eat, drink, walk the dog and spend time with the family. At the moment, it is more important than ever to make sure our mental and physical health are good. Something which helps both of these is simply by being outside, I know there are restrictions due to social distancing but even if it is in the garden, kicking a football or a walk to your local park.

    I hope my suggestions help and that you do not mind me answering (as I know you asked for parents advice) but as someone who also struggled to take a break from work/doing something different, I am sure this will help, or at least be a starting point.

    Take care and if you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask and I will get back to you??
  • TShurey
    TShurey Community member Posts: 8 Connected
    Hello everyone,

    Thank you so much for your replies.  They mean a lot.  @mia97 thank you so much for giving me your insights into this situation.  Absolutely invaluable.  I have been getting Lach to shower, eat, unstack the dishwasher, bring in the washing and fold it, walk the dog and we all eat dinner at the table every night.  My husband manages to get him to watch a tv show with him sometimes.  And his big brother is teaching him GCSE maths very slowly.  So, now that I typed that out, it doesn't seem so bad.  But it's on my work days that a lot of these things get neglected.  I guess, as @figspowart said, he's happy and it's just me worrying.  

    The suggestions on here to create a routine are excellent.  I think I used to be way more on the ball with him when he was little.  We used to have routines, behaviour charts, etc.  I'll get back on it!

    @Louise_Scope I'd love to hear about the zoom workshops please.

    Sorry it's taken me a while to reply.  It's been a juggle.  Last night I went to bed super early and had some 'me' time reading a book with scented candles safely burning.  That gave me the energy to hop on here today.  

    Tracy x




  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,511 Championing
    Me time sounds really important @TShurey! I hope you're able to regularly find this space. :)
  • Louise_Scope
    Louise_Scope Scope Posts: 8 Contributor
    @TShurey - please email parentsconnect@scope.org.uk and we'll send out details on workshops.

    Please make sure you're taking good care of yourself. It is so important, especially in this current situation. Just try 10 minutes a day for now if you're struggling, even if it's just sitting in a quiet space with your eyes closed.

    Take care.
  • Bella03
    Bella03 Community member Posts: 22 Connected
    Hi my son is 17 and has autism, he is happiest left alone in his room on his computer, i work 4 days a week but luckily my husbands working from home atm... i also have a 11 year old daughter who is awaiting a autism assessment... but they are both the same.... very hard to motivate to want to do anything, they both like their own space... in the past ive tried a number of things but have learnt to let them be.... if there happy then i am happy..... cant make them someone there not! x  

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