Anyone else suffer with complex PTSD, depression and anxiety and have non epileptic attack disorder

Grinchy

Hey, just thought i'd ask, i know there are people who go through the mill with various mental illnesses i got my diagnosis around five years ago after a lifetime of feeling ropey, i was abused as a young child and sold for sex for groups of men, the horrors of which still live with me, as a young man growing up i always felt out of place, and still do.I have had cbt but to be honest that just made it worse bringing up more memories that i would rather stay away from, i have a lovely wife and three great kids who are very good to me, i just wish i could get rid of my emotional baggage, i also suffer with non epileptic attack disorder which sometimes affects me daily, when things and the memories get to much my brain seems to switch off for a bit and i have a seizure which is no fun 

woodbine

Hi @Grinchy, I have epilepsy and agree seizures whatever their cause are no fun, I cannot imagine how bad you must feel having gone through what you have, on the plus side as you say you have a wife and three great kids. Apart from CBT (which I found to be useless as well) have you had any other forms of counselling? (might be something to look into post lockdown?), have you discussed your depression/anxiety with your GP ?

Grinchy

Hey @woodbine, thanks, appreciate it, i have had just ordinary counseling before which was not to bad, maybe when this is all over i can have some more, will have to see, my psychiatrist is pretty good, see what he says, thanks for your input 

Adrian_Scope

Hello @Grinchy. What a frankly horrendous situation to have been through and thank you so much for sharing it with us. 
Have you tried getting some advice from SurvivorsUK before? They take counselling self-referrals for anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, but they also have an online helpline (Monday to Sunday, 12pm - 8pm) that might be able to offer some suggestions for alternatives if CBT or counselling aren't right for you.

Can I ask if these horrible incidents from your past were reported to the police?

In the mental health section of the community, many of our members share their experiences of C-PTSD, especially in the Complex PTSD thread which might be useful to you.

Grinchy

Hey @Adrian_Scope , thank you for the advice and links, i will have a look and see, my main abusers were my parents and they are both dead now, the other men are just blurry faces in my nightmares now, i never knew there names.
I will check out the ptsd thread, thanks again

Chloe_Scope

It sounds scary @Grinchy, how are you today?

Hannah2610

I have all of the above....., apart from PNES..., I have epilepsy. The epilepsy is actually a result of a very stressful childhood and young adult life. I have temporal lobe epilepsy. It has effected my emotions and memory, an ultimately it led to generalised seizures. My epilepsy is neurological, but it was caused by prolonged psychological distress. I think your brain can only handle so much it doesn’t want me to remember, I don’t know which is harder, having the epilepsy and not the memories, or the memories and not the epilepsy.
Make sure it is in fact PNES and not actual Epileptic seizures also xxx

Grinchy

thanks @Hannah2610 and @Cloe_scope, thanks for your replys, i was told originally that it was epilepsy and was on tablets for a while which didn't help, i went into hospital and was monitored for a few days, wired up to a scanner, thats when they told me it was non epileptic attack disorder, just taking each day as it comes, i have good days and bad days, spent the day in bed ater a couple of seizures yesterday, they wipe me out for a while, thanks for the comments

fairybellsxo

Hello Grinchy.

Your post has brought me to tears, simply because of your bravery really and how you are having to live with memories like this due to the horrors that exist in this sometimes cruel world.

My boyfriend has written a poem surrounding the things you have been through, as one of his favorite childhood characters " Duckie, from the Land Before Time " went through similar things and he had to do something in order to ' help ' , it is a beautiful poem. He is finishing of writing it and I am painting some illustrations for it so that we can turn this into a book, he is hoping that it can help people in your situation as we both feel helpless and wish we could do more for people in these kinds of predicaments.

As soon as it's finished/done I would love for you to read it and I would hope it offers you some kind of relief for the things you feel on a day to day basis, 

All the best and I am here if you need a chat! 

Grinchy

Hey @fairybellsxo, thank you, your project sounds lovely, i'd be very interested to read it, your artworks are great
Its hard to think of myself as brave, my wife thinks i am to, but sometimes i feel like a waste of skin, she is very supportive, and has been through this sometimes rough journey with me

fairybellsxo

@Grinchy It was my boyfriends idea, it's one of the most incredible things I have ever read It moved me in way's I can't begin to explain, he has high levels of empathy and it is laced in and around all of the words, it's sublimely beautiful, I will make sure to pop back on here once he's happy with the end result of it  

Nope, your not a waste of skin, she clearly sees your worth and has stuck with you through thick and thin because of that very fact alone,  the people who caused you pain were the waste,  you are brave!