Dark times: Not a discussion.

Ronni

What's the point of putting minicom numbers down for deaf people when no one answers.
Many help lines dont even have one. 
So what's the point.
I'm just having a moment and well where else  to go.
So please ignore.

Last month my mother was in hospital she survived  2 infections and the  covid at 77.

I found this place after searching  for some to talk to for 2 weeks there was nothing. No one out. 

Now she in again but it bad sceptic shock 4 hours till I know if the treatment is working and even then. They nsure the got it quick enough shes at the stages where she cant breath properly and in coherent.

We not allowed to go. Couldn't get there anyway.

I remember we used to move a lot. She would just pack and go to another town. Realy wish right now I could do rhat. But I'm trapped in a place I hate.
I have to wait for my brother to send me a message via messenger. So il wait. 

So just having a moment. There no one. If she survives she be in out  of hospital. It will a some point. We havent seen each other a year. We text every day 11 and 5.

I came on to text her. I know.  It was 5 someone answered an earlier txt wasntssid theyl update me.
I just on here instead. 
Dont mind who reads.
Or ignores.
Or even deletes.

Just needed a place not to talk. There are no answers to solve this.

christian96

Are you ok @ronni? 

Awesomelorenzo

Oh my god, must be terrible. I hope you mum will be okay. My granny survived sepsis at 94.

katho31

we are all so very sorry. please can we help in anyway?? stay online and dont feel you are alone, hard yes, but we will all try to help if we feel we can 

Lou67

@Ronni. So sorry to hear everything your mums going through, I had severe sepsis in 2017 I collapsed in a shop and rushed to hospital, I was really ill and in hospital for 6 weeks but I’m only telling you this so hopefully it gives you some hope, I will say a wee prayer for your mum and for you to have strength throughout this take care Ronni x

Ronni

Thank
all

katho31

prayers and best wishes here also x to cheer you up, and i dont even do the lottery, hubby does, i asked him to put 2 pound on a horse today, just gut feeling, won and horse was 20-1 

frank96

My nana died from sepsis 2 months ago. The last time I saw her was through a window. She had onset dementia and was starting to forget thing's and I have found some comfort knowing she had a happy life and died with all her memories intact. Sadly I can't help but feel bitter towards covid restrictions/government. It took 4 days for a paramedic to come see her and take her to hospital. She was in pain with a urine infection but was complaining of back pain and I honestly believe if she had been given antibiotics sooner she may have survived. After 4 days she was taken to hospital. That was the last time I spoke to my nana. A week later she passed away, alone and confused not knowing where her family was and surrounded by NHS staff in full PPE looking like something out of ET (our local hospital was where all the expats were sent to at the start of the pandemic so they were over prepared with PPE). My grandad could not get hold of hospital staff during the week she was in the hospital nor could he get a mobile phone to her. The night she passed close relatives were allowed to say their goodbyes briefly and in full PPE. My nana 2 children and husband were by her side for 15mins the night before she died. A few hours earlier we had no idea how sick nana was. Although the staff were comforting over the phone we got the sense that they weren't aware of what was happening and possibly due to shortage of staff they were just spouting nice lines to get grandad off the phone. I don't hate myself for not going to say goodbye to Nan as she had already slipped into her forever sleep and I could never speak to her again. I hate knowing she died in such a crappy environment. No hand holding, no music. No loved ones beside her, only for 15 mins 12 hours before her death. I'm sorry I don't know why I felt the need to share it probably won't help. Just try to appreciate how much your loved ones love you and how much you love them in return. If the worst happens think of all the good times and celebrate their life and try not to think about how they died. Not going to lie I'm about to burst into years right now but I'm next to my grandad and he's watching some Napoleon documentary so I'll man up. I had a Nan for 24 years he had a wife for 60. There's worse ways to die than organ failure from sepsis. A long battle with dementia would have been very saddening, maybe COVID even worse. My advice, pop a mask on and walk into the ward. In hindsight I wish I did just that. Power the to people. Propeganda scared me from seeing my Nana and she wasn't even on a covid ward.

frank96

Sorry about the rant if it seems like one I don't really know what I set out to say I just want to talk too. Nana died 2/4/20 aged 79. she was a healthy woman who lived a healthy lifestyle. A local woman who's 100+ lives off MacDonalds. She survived COVID. It's a roulette wheel of death. I hope nobody I know catches it. 

Ronni

@frank96

You said what you need to say.

Just like me.
Thanks for sharing  it was like they were gonna send her home after treating a leg infect but Reid the virus after 11 days in hospital it was positive and she was sent to the virus ward she thought going home. And  now she been sick a few days but had  nurses doing her legs and physios coming in she told them. They did nothing.
She had nurse and physio yesterday they left here there . She was taking later .
I just called them via text they refuse to tell me anything g via the relay service had to wait till my brother msg me. He did it gonna another 2 hrs wait for dr to go round.

I'm be sat in my wheelchair waiting. Even then I dont know. Wether i want to know.

frank96

If she was talking try not to worry! She's probably got a nurse brushing her hair having a natter and a cup of tea. Reduced staff makes it very difficult to get straight answers. Not knowing can be worse than bad news. Try to distract yourself and don't feel bad if the distraction works and you forget about your Nan. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to worry! 

Ronni

My mum would normal be chatting to the lady she just in next bed or so.thing. but my brother to call her her she not talking right q d cant breath.
I'm doing laundry done 3 loads on the fourth  how much stuff does and single 49 yr old woman have. Think I might washing everything  I own just to distract my self. Most is yrs old.
My brother dont speak to me that much . He talking to everyone else. Usually let's his cousins know before telling me anything.

Things are changing I cant keep up. Theres jus me and her.
Theres nothing else.
 

Ronni

Got msg theres no change. I'd didnt get any sleep.
For got to take antibiotics  yesterday for the pressure on foot I've had for a year.

My heads spinning got no focus trying to transfer had to stop. Sensory breaks asnt working need to lie down. Theres no way of breaking from this. No way to stop everything this. Just have to go through it.

frank96

Best of luck with everything life sucks sometimes but we just have to plod on. Keep calm and carry on as they say 

Ronni

Thanks @frank96
Mum would say that.
Hospital say theyl know more tomorow. If there are no urgent news. We will know tomorrow.
Thanks all.

frank96

No news is hopefully good news. If something serious was happening I'm sure the hospital would let your family know! Stay safe and keep your chin up!

Ronni

Thanks again all.
The meds are working she  just have find the strength. She unconscious on mask to help her breathing. A little weak but she hanging in there.

On another note I got a referral  number for action on hearing. Who  pro independent living support for the deaf. So will see how works out.

Waiting for my housing key get Intouch.
They still on limited service.
If shops and cam go back why cant support services. 
Any thanks all. Hope you all ok. Or plodding on. 
We all need to start moving forward.
So pushing for the support you need. 

Ronni

I know have dark time for a while but I take after her. Stubborn. 
I writing on here cause theres no where else.  Even the shout txt msg didnt reply.

So just need a place to put things down.

I read @Adrian_Scope    post  bear in mind post.
I thought it best not to reply. other peoples posts. Just perhaps game ones. For a while. But I'm reading. 
Keep well.

Lou67

Oh Ronni I really hope things get better for you soon, and your mum makes a full recovery, take care. 

Ronni

I just send txt to my brother. The hardest msg ever.
She a fighter. I want her to fight. They a point we have to make the decision.
I want her to stay for selfish reasons. If she cant fight anymore.  I made it I wrote it. Because I know I wouldn't to decide at the time. 
I want to take the decision back.



Feel free to delete posts . I am sorry writing it just nowhere  else to say what  I need to. It supposed to be good to talk .. I'm talking into space.

I have to wait to see if has the strength to fight. This time and the next.
In two months 2 infections covid. And she copd. Septis an septic shock. 

Surprise us mum stick around fight it. They wont let in to be with you sorry I'm sorry. Stay strong love you.

Ronni

I cant do this

Delete it all