World Suicide Prevention Day 2020- What are your top tips for mental wellbeing?

Tori_Scope

TW: Suicide

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. Suicide is often a difficult thing to talk about, but it’s really important that we all learn how to start conversations around mental health with those around us. It’s also vital that we all start to prioritise looking after our own mental health. This can be through accessing therapy or medication, but it can also be through making time for small acts of self-care every day.

Facts and figures

Experiencing suicidal thoughts can be isolating, and it can often feel as though you're the only one who has felt this way. However, experiencing suicidal thoughts is actually very common. Research published on the Mind website has found that 1 in 5 people have suicidal thoughts, and 1 in 15 people attempt suicide.

Research by the Samaritans found that, in 2018, there were 6859 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland combined, and that the number of deaths by suicide rose by 10.9%.

These figures show that, unfortunately, suicidal thoughts and behaviours aren't rare, and that more needs to be done to prevent the number of deaths by caused by suicide.

Reasons why someone might feel suicidal

Suicidal thoughts are very complex and individual, and there are many factors that can cause someone to feel suicidal. As so many of us avoid talking about it, there are lots of myths surrounding suicide and suicidal thoughts. The Samaritans have listed some common myths about suicide here, which is worth a read.

I've listed some reasons taken from VeryWellMind as to why someone might be experiencing suicidal thoughts below, to show that it's not any one 'type' of person who can be at risk of suicide.

Mental illness

There are many mental illnesses that can contribute towards, or cause, an individuals’ suicidal thoughts. These can include depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and bipolar disorder, amongst others. That being said, not everyone experiencing mental illness experiences suicidal thoughts.

Traumatic stress

Lots of different events and experiences can cause trauma, and this can affect people in a range of different ways, including leading to thoughts of suicide.

Substance use

Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol can make someone experiencing suicidal thoughts more impulsive and likely to act upon their urges than they would be when they were sober. There are lots of reasons why someone might turn to alcohol or drugs, so it’s important not to make any assumptions or judgements.

Loss, or a fear of loss

Loss is something that we all experience and fear from time to time, but this can sometimes become too much for a person to handle, especially if they try and deal with it alone. There are lots of different circumstances or events that can trigger feelings of loss, such as:

• Academic failure
• Bullying, shaming, or humiliation
• Financial problems
• The end of a close friendship, family relationship, or romantic relationship
• Job loss
• A loss of social status

Hopelessness       

Feelings of hopelessness are a big risk factor for suicide. When people feel as though they have lost all hope, and don’t feel able to change that, it can overshadow all of the good things in their life, making suicide seem like a viable option.

Chronic Pain and Terminal Illness

If a person has chronic pain or illness with no hope of a cure or reprieve from suffering, suicide may seem like a way to regain dignity and control of their life.

Chronic pain can also bring on anxiety and depression, which can also increase your risk of suicide. According to research, people with chronic pain are four times more likely to have depression or anxiety than those who are pain-free

Belief one's life is a burden to others

Many people who decide to commit suicide often state that their loved ones, or the world in general, would be better off without them. 

Social isolation

A person can become socially isolated for a number of external reasons, such as illness, retirement, or moving away, and internal factors, such as low self-esteem or social anxiety. This is something that many of us have struggled with more over the past 6 months or so in particular, which is why it's more important than ever that we all look out for each other.

What we can do to help prevent suicide

Preventing suicide can feel like an impossible task, especially when dealing with it alone. No one should feel as though they are alone in helping someone else with their suicidal thoughts, or as though they are alone in dealing with their own suicidal thoughts. 

Talk

If you’ve noticed that someone seems low, or has been acting differently, open up a conversation about how they’ve been getting on.

I've listed some useful tips from the Start A Conversation website on how to open up a dialogue around suicide below:

• Try and understand their state of mind: ask them how they’re feeling, and try to build a picture of what's going on
• They talk, you listen: let them talk to you about what’s going on, and how it’s making them feel. Ask questions to help you understand the situation more
• Ask the ‘suicide question’: by asking the question, you’re showing them that you’re supportive and giving them the chance to talk about their thoughts. Remember to ask the question in a positive way. Say clearly and calmly something like “I’m hearing what you’re saying, and it sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment. People who feel this way may have thoughts of suicide. Have you had any thoughts of suicide?”
• Let them answer: try not to be shocked, and don’t judge them or act annoyed

Find sources of external help

If someone is feeling suicidal, it’s very important that they get the support they need as soon as possible. The type of help needed will vary from individual to individual, but I’ve listed some key resources below:

• Samaritans: call 116 123, or email [email protected] It’s free, and the service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• SHOUT: if you'd prefer to speak to a trained volunteer over text, text SHOUT to 85258. Again, you can contact them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
• CALM: anyone of any gender can call CALM on 0800 58 58 58, or speak to someone via webchat, from 5pm-midnight 365 days a year
• Papyrus: designed to help young people, you can call Papyrus on 0800 068 4141, or email them on [email protected] from between 9am-12am
• GP: it’s a good idea to see your GP if you’re experiencing any kind of mental health problem, and encourage others to do the same if you’re concerned about their mental health. They should be able to signpost you to resources that you can access, such as talking therapy or support groups, and can speak to you about options for medication where appropriate
• 999: always call 999 in case of an emergency

What to do if you see a post that worries you on the Scope online community

If you see a post or comment on the online community that concerns you, please report the post immediately. A member of the Scope team will check-in with the community member, and can help the individual take steps to ensure their safety. It's better to be safe than sorry, so please don't hesitate to get in touch!

Self-care 

As well as looking out for others, it’s really important that you look after your own mental health. Self-care activities can form a really important part of suicide safety plans, but should also be used all year round to help you maintain good mental health. 

Here are a few self-care ideas:

• Take a warm shower or bath
• Do something relaxing that you enjoy such as reading, doing puzzles, or playing a game
• Get outside
• Do some exercise
• Speak to a friend. This can be online, over the phone, or in-person!
• Sleep. It’s hard to feel good when you’re tired, so make sure you’re well rested
• Eat. Make sure you're eating enough of the right foods, but feel free to treat yourself too!
• Use an app, such as Headspace, to practice mindfulness and meditation

I hope that you've found the above information useful! I know they can sometimes seem like empty words, but please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who truly care about your wellbeing

You can also watch the official World Suicide Prevention Day 2020 video here.

What I'd like to know is: what are your favourite self-care activities? What lifts your mood, or distracts you from negative thoughts? Please let us know down below!

roberttaylor570

@Tori_Scope I have been involved with a group called Medway Men in Sheds for a few years now since it was formed.  The Men's Shed Scheme is available Nationally.  We cater mainly for Men aged 25 plus who are for one reason or another out of work.  We provide a place to meet, chat, share skills, make items for ourselves or others.  We built a Chatty Bench for #ABetterMedway which is a Council initiative to promote wellbeing and healthy living.  The bench is taken around the area and, before covid, people who sat on it were giving a signal to others saying " I am lonely and want to chat to someone"  The group and the Wellbeing Cafe provided a place for those who would have been in their own four walls to break the cycle of Social Isolation.  In turn it helps prevent suicide in Men which is a consequence of isolation.  

Happy to help with further information and contacts if anyone needs them.

There is also a Men's shed Association covering the UK which could help find local schemes to other members.

Tori_Scope

Thank you for sharing that @roberttaylor570

I think I've heard of the Men's Shed Scheme before. It seems like a great idea to get more men talking whilst doing something that they enjoy! The Chatty Bench sounds absolutely fantastic, as does the Wellbeing Cafe. We need more of those kinds of initiatives around for sure. 

I think your point about the breaking the 'cycle of social isolation' is really important, and that's a great way of phrasing it. Mental illnesses are annoying in the sense that they stop us from doing the some of the exact things that could help us feel better, such as getting us out of the house, taking up a hobby, and talking to people, so it's great that there are schemes that can help people to break that cycle.

Keep on doing what you're doing! I'm sure you get a lot out of it too

RAwarrior

Hi @Tori_Scope

I don’t know if my suggestions will help but I am speaking from my own experience:

Actually try to listen to what someone is trying to tell you and if you don’t understand then ask them. A big problem is others not actually trying to listen and being dismissive?

Be honest with the person as sometimes you can’t meet their expectations but at least they know where they stand?

If you cannot help someone then signpost them to an organisation such as the Samaritans or some of the others mentioned above.

Share your experience if you feel able to on an online forum such as this one. I can say that joining this wonderful online forum has really helped me. I have had support from other members and hopefully I have helped others?

Try to spend time outside if you can as this really helps me. Many of you know about my little squirrel families that I feed. Spending time outside interacting with wildlife really helps me.

I also enjoy gardening and reading.

 I hope this helps?

Tori_Scope

These are really great tips, thank you for sharing @RAwarrior

Active listening is definitely a really important skill, and one that I think we should all aim to work on.

I love your second point too. It's important that both people involved know what each other's boundaries are. I quite like the phrase 'you can't pour from an empty cup'. You have to look after yourself in order to be able to look out for other people. Another way of thinking about it that I've seen uses the analogy of oxygen masks on aeroplanes; you should put your own on before you start to help other people put on theirs.

I'm so glad that you find the community so helpful! We all love seeing your animal pictures, and I know that your input on other discussions about PTSD have been really beneficial for other members too. Thanks for being here!

RAwarrior

@Tori_Scope

Thank you very much for your kind words?

I am glad I have been able to help?

A common myth is because someone has mental health issues that they can’t help other people which is so untrue.

I think I have a very good understanding about one of my original disabilities which is Rheumatoid Arthritis so I try to help other people especially people that have recently been diagnosed because it can be a quite scary experience when you are first diagnosed.

I wasn’t always like the way I am now as I didn’t have the mental health issues that I have now. As I have said previously, my PTSD was caused as a direct result of being bullied and harassed at work?

As I have alluded to on other threads sometimes it’s like there are two different people posting on here depending on the subject if that makes any sense. 

I am confident when I talk about Rheumatoid Arthritis because I know so much about it because I chose to read a lot, ask questions and obtain the information I needed to manage my disease. I also understand how to live with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

However, it’s very different when I talk about what happened at work and the resulting PTSD?

However, although I don’t know if my posts are useful, I know that  I have at least tried my best to help other people regardless of the cause of their PTSD.

I have not only been supported by lots of people in this online community but I have also obtained very useful information from them which might help me because people have taken the time to share useful information?

I have had so much support on here after years of being seen as “an afterthought” which is so upsetting because I know I can make a positive contribution but because I am seen as weak many people don’t bother even listening to me.

I agree with you that actually listening is so important and to be quite frank if someone can’t help me or simply doesn’t want to help me then I would rather they told me.

I appreciate that you can’t always help someone so it’s essential that if you can’t that you say so and you signpost them to an organisation that can. 

A very positive aspect of this online community is the fact that so many people are willing to help each other despite their own disabilities?

Thank you for your comments about my animal photos? 

I am really pleased that people on here like the photos?

roberttaylor570

@RAwarrior @Tori_Scope Thank you for you contributions and I would like to add that the aim of Men in Sheds is to get people talking.  We in the group have become friends and it is easier to chat with a person who knows where you are coming from.  Many of us do not have mental health issues, I am disabled with poor sight, epilepsy and arthritic.  I lost my Partner of 30 years in January of 2019.  Being part of the Shed made it easier for me to deal with the loss.

We look out for each other and as was said, if we notice that someone is down one session we can have a word, if they want to chat, they will and it may help to ease the burden.

The wellbeing Cafe is not happening and may not return in its old form as the cafe at the community centre may now not reopen after covid..  There are Gardening clubs, a friendship group for the over 50s and a community radio station.  We can  train up to be presenters.    There is also a fully equipped Rehearsal and Recording Studio with full mixing suite and instruments.  The shed make guitars to play and have built a baffle screen to dampen the sound.

We are much more than a community centre, we are a community.

RAwarrior

Hi @roberttaylor570

Thank you so much for your comments?

I think that the Men in Sheds sounds like a wonderful group who are actually helping people?

I really like the idea about the bench. Many people even before Covid 19 were isolated and lonely so I think the work the group is doing sounds really good?

I didn’t have mental health problems before. I have had Osteoarthritis for many years and Rheumatoid Arthritis for several years. 

I started a thread about Rheumatoid Arthritis and another one about Workplace Bullying in which I explain my situation.

I also started a Squirrels and Friends thread (most of which is light hearted) but I have mentioned my PTSD in that thread as well? 

On a positive note I have posted lots of photos of wildlife which hopefully will bring a smile to your face?

I also think that the Gardening Club is a brilliant idea as gardening can be very therapeutic?

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner? However, I am glad to hear that the Men in Sheds group has helped you to cope with your loss.

leeCal

What lifts your mood, or distracts you from negative thoughts? 

Knowing that all things change and pass, impermanence is actually our friend in the long term. Moods pass, current thoughts pass, this is a natural decay of impetus and knowing this can help, perhaps we can hold on by using normal routines whilst the storm rages so to speak. 

Secondly, it’s tempting to notice things which are wrong after all things which are okay don’t need our attention however to habitually do so nurtures a negative disposition. It’s simple enough to look around us and perhaps even at ourselves and see what is right, to literally count our blessings from time to time. This may seem trite but things can mostly always be worse in some way.

There are many positive ways to look at negativity too, it’s not all bad, since negative things tend to challenge us. Again there are degrees to this but up to a point a negative occurrence can help us to grow to overcome the adversity. Good can come from bad, within limits and only an individual will know if that is true in their particular case.

these are some of the thoughts I think when I’m feeling very very down.

Tori_Scope

A common myth is because someone has mental health issues that they can’t help other people which is so untrue

You're right @RAwarrior. Helping other people can improve your own mental health too, I find. 

I know that I find your comments on PTSD really insightful, so I'm sure others do too. Sometimes just reading a comment from someone else who is able to relate to your experience can be really healing, so I think that you'll definitely have made others feel validated

Enjoy your Friday! Are you up to anything nice this weekend?

Tori_Scope

That sounds really lovely @roberttaylor570

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your partner, that must be really difficult. I'm glad that the Men's Shed Scheme has been so positive for you though. 

Have there been any activities going on remotely over lockdown? It'd be a shame if the cafe didn't open again, but a lot of places have been struggling without any income

Are you involved with the radio station? That sounds great!

We are much more than a community centre, we are a community

I absolutely love this! I don't think that people always realise the power of supportive communities, both in-person and online. 

Tori_Scope

Knowing that all things change and pass, impermanence is actually our friend in the long term. Moods pass, current thoughts pass, this is a natural decay of impetus and knowing this can help, perhaps we can hold on by using normal routines whilst the storm rages so to speak. 

Beautifully put @leeCal

It’s simple enough to look around us and perhaps even at ourselves and see what is right, to literally count our blessings from time to time

I know lots of people do daily gratitudes where they list a couple of things they're grateful for each day, however big or small. Here's a guide on one way to keep a daily gratitude routine for anyone who's interested. I can't pretend that I do this every day, but maybe we should all give this a go!

How are you feeling today? 

roberttaylor570

Good morning @Tori_Scope I hope you are ok.  Thank you for your interest in the centre and your kind words.  I am loosly involved with Radio Sunlight which broadcasts online at the moment having being forced to give up our FM licence due to cost and the draconian regulation of what could be broadcast and the mix of talk  radio, Music, news etc. Our old frequency 106.6 has I think been reassigned. Before th  e lockdown Men in Sheds would go to events such as The Medway Mile at Rochester Castle and Radio Sunlight would do an Outside Broadcast.  We all work together to help each other so I suppose we are all unofficial "roadies".  I have sat in on a couple of shows but not presented.  We have A station Manager and Producers.  We used to carry Sky News and we would plug local events such as church jumble sales etc.  During lockdown all the services at the Centre, including the GPs Surgery were closed.  Men in Sheds carried on with an online facebook group which already existed but was beefed up to show what each of us was doing.  The co-ordonator of the scheme would phone us regularly to check on us all and have a chat.  We are a very supportive bunch and all the groups mix together, or used to.  The Shed group is back up and running with limited numbers and the Cmmunity Gardens, two of them are being looked after.  If anyone else is interested you can find us on Facebook as eitherMedway Men in Sheds or Sunlight Development Trust or sunlight Radio.

Have a great day.

RAwarrior

@Tori_Scope

Thank you very much for your lovely comments?

What I was also trying to explain is that because I have mental health issues many people assume that I am not capable of making a contribution especially at work?

Despite mental health being talked about in the media, there can still be a stigma attached to it because people can regard you as being weak.?

As I said previously, I wasn’t always like this. I was subjected to bullying and harassment for many years at work which has made me the person I am today. 

One of the reasons I keep talking about workplace bullying is because many people assume that there are no long term effects which is very wrong.

I am glad that I can at least try to help other people on this wonderful online community. I have skills and knowledge which I can use but at work I am just an “afterthought” unless someone actually does need my help?

It’s a loss to my employer as well because of its failure to stop the bullying and harassment, I am no longer the same person because I can’t function in the same way as before the bully came to work at my workplace. 

This means I am less productive, I get easily distracted and I switch off completely when equality is mentioned?

I don’t trust many people because having PTSD means that my brain is alert expecting something bad to happen. 

However, I have found sharing my experience (and not necessarily about PTSD)as it could be about Rheumatoid, wildlife, gardening etc in this online community has really helped me.

It might sound really strange but for the first time in ages I have actually been taken seriously by lots of wonderful people in this online community.

Many people with mental health issues are labelled as weak, as a nuisance and the person who people avoid?

Sometimes if people would actually try to get to know the person and give them a chance instead of assuming that they are not capable of contributing. 

Another thing that really annoys me is when someone asks me how I am but they don’t actually mean it or before I have had a chance to reply they walk away?

I only ever wanted to go to work and do a good job, a job that I was really good at, a job I had still managed to do despite having Rheumatoid Arthritis but when the bully was sent to my workplace that all changed?

A good analogy is if you break your leg you know approximately how long it will take to heal but with PTSD I don’t know the answer.

At least here I can use the skills, knowledge and empathy that I have to at least try to help others. I might not be able to help others but at least my intentions are good because I do want to try to help others.? 

It’s so frustrating for me to be in a situation which wasn’t my fault. My employer looked after the bully’s welfare by refusing to deal with his behaviour but didn’t care about the impact of his behaviour on people like me. He used to refer to disabled people as “sickies” and nothing was done about it. That was one of the milder things he used to say and I can’t post those things because they are too offensive?

I am hoping to visit my squirrel friends in the forest at the weekend?

Enjoy your weekend?

Thank you very much for your support?

Tori_Scope

I'm very well thanks, I hope you are too @roberttaylor570.

unofficial "roadies"

I love that! The radio station sounds really good.

It's great that the Facebook group has allowed you all to stay in touch. The coordinator of the group sounds nice, are they a volunteer too? 

Things have obviously changed a bit now, but fingers crossed the group will be able to safely continue some of the in-person activities, like tending to the community garden, and will be able to resume more activities as time goes on. 

Have a great Friday and weekend @roberttaylor570 Are you up to anything nice?

Tori_Scope

Ah yes, that is also very true unfortunately @RAwarrior There's definitely still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health problems, but hopefully we're moving away from that as a society, and will continue to do so. We've got a way to go though.

I'm really glad you feel as though you're finally being heard and taken seriously  

Another thing that really annoys me is when someone asks me how I am but they don’t actually mean it or before I have had a chance to reply they walk away?

Yes, some people just sort of pay it lip service sadly. I also think that having conversations about mental health makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable because we're not really taught how to share our feelings very well. Again, we'll hopefully continue to move towards a more open society where people feel more comfortable talking about these issues.

Yay! Enjoy seeing the squirrels. I hope the weather holds up. 

Thanks

roberttaylor570

@Tori_Scope To answer a couple of your questions and to elaborate on the project a bit I'd like to say that No the Co-ordinator is a paid person employed by the Development Trust which is also a charity.  We get funding from Medway Council to provide services for Men in Sheds to provide the service we do to local people who may be isolated.  it is overseen by A Better Medway the Health and Wellbeing arm of Medway Council.  It means we do not have a certain future as we have to tender to carry on against such projects as Ground Works and others.  The Shed has opened up again and has been busy relocating sheds, looking for more indoor space such as another Shipping Container or a PortaKabin.  Our workshop is at the moment situated in a 40FT container.  We use a room in the centre for indoor work and refreshments.  We used to be given lunch on a Friday but the cafe is not in use at the moment..

One of our Shedders also presents a show and he goes by the handle of Lonesome Len.

One of the High Hopes Gardening Group which includes a number of people with learning difficulties, also presents a programme on the station.  The two gardens we look after are High Hopes Community Garden and a garden which was a community garden looked after another group but they gave it up abd the Trust took it on with Men in Sheds and High Hopes working together to run it.

I am Going to Cell Mass tomorrow, I am a Church of England member but we are connected to The Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham  which is Anglican, most would call us "High Church" or "Anglo Catholic"  my local church is part of the local "Cell" so we hold monthly Masses.  On Sunday we have our usual weekly Family Mass at 10.30.  Other than all that I will probably get involved with the task of helping to be Admin to a local Facebook group, we have 23.3K Members.  I am also a Labour Party member and sit on the Executive Committee for our Constituency Labour Party and also a member of the Medway Branch  of the Co-Operative Party.

I hope your plans are a bit quieter than mine for the weekend.

Tori_Scope

I see, thanks for explaining how it works @roberttaylor570. From working with other charities in the past I know it can be stressful when you don't have secure funding, but hopefully they'll be able to see all the great work the group has been doing.

I love the term 'shedder' I just Googled his show, I'll have to try and remember to tune in!

Working on the community gardens must be rewarding. I can't say that I have particularly green fingers, but I've always liked the idea of it. 

What a busy weekend! Have fun, it's good to get out and about Community Facebook groups have become more important than ever recently, so I'm sure that's a big task.

I'm working this weekend, so I'll be kept occupied by chatting to you lovely lot!

Tori_Scope

I saw this yesterday and thought it was a good way of explaining how to be a better listener  

RAwarrior

@Tori_Scope

I really think the Samaritans listening tips you have posted is a really good idea

I agreed that a lot of people pay lip service when it comes to mental health. I think sometimes people are scared to talk to someone with mental health issues because they don't know how to or think they might upset the person.

I would rather that someone took the trouble to ask me about my mental health issues. The problem is that there are too many myths and stereotypes about mental health.

I did a mental health awareness course last year and it really opened my eyes to the many types of mental health issues.

Perhaps one of the Scope Community Team could consider starting a Mental Health Myth Busters Thread?

I like the approach of people such as yourself and the other Scope Community Team have on this online community. You all read the posts, ask relevant questions, signpost where necessary and show empathy. 

I think that as a society many people do find it difficult to talk about mental health. However, one of the things that really annoys me is the "I know about psychology person" when they are the ones that run the other way when there is a problem. I don't mean people who do actually try to help and may have psychology qualifications, I mean the ones that say they are experts but don't actually try to help. I remember one of these "experts" not being able to come near me when I was upset at work after going on and on at me in front of others telling me "to move on" which is a particular phrase that I really dislike.

Many thanks again

Tori_Scope

I agree @RAwarrior. I'm definitely guilty of sometimes being scared to open up those conversations, but it is really important. 

The mental health awareness course sounds great, I'd love to do something like that.

A mental health mythbusters thread is a good idea. I can start one if you want, but feel free to start your own, perhaps on the Mental Health Issues category? It's your idea- I don't want to steal it!  

I'm glad that you find our approach helpful