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Random jokes and funnies thread.

I was thinking earlier, that maybe this place could do with a random joke and funnies thread (funny pictures/cartoon/jokes etc.) that was open to all kinds of what tickles members fancy - no swearing or X rated jokes or images obviously, we don't want this to happen:

I'll start with an oldie.
A man goes to his Dr and asks, Why do my wife's toes jiggle when we make love?
Dr replies, Have you asked her to take her tights off?!!

I'll start with an oldie.
A man goes to his Dr and asks, Why do my wife's toes jiggle when we make love?
Dr replies, Have you asked her to take her tights off?!!
Replies
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Gotta love Twitter
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2 pieces of string went into a Bar, 1 went up to the Bar and said "Pint of mild please", the second one went, the Barman said "Are you a piece of string?" the string said "No I'm afraid not!" (Frayed Knot)
*gets coat*
Then a slab of red tarmac walked in and the conversation abruptly stopped. The barman then said to the black tarmac and concrete, 'I don't understand you two. You were going at it hammer and tongs and then shut up when the red tarmac walked in. Why?'
They replied to the barman ' we don't talk to him. He's a cycle path.' (Psychopath.)
Went to get coat but it had already gone!!!!
So I went in Tesco for the annual Christmas Turkey, they'd sold out, went in Morrison's, same.. So what did I end up with? A Lidl Donkey!
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I commented to my Parents when they were about to announce the Tiers last week that there'd be tears about Tiers, especially if they had to keep the schools closed till further notice.
I told my daughter in Far Cry 5 on Christmas Day I had received a notice that I was on Santa's permanent naughty list after killing 8 reindeer in succession. She asked me if that was a real achievement in the game. Only on Christmas day and they are pulling a sled and a large jolly gentleman with a large sack
As an individual I stood alone.
As a member of a group I did things.
As part of a community I helped to create change!