Friends

lewissayner
lewissayner Community member Posts: 45 Listener
in Coffee lounge
How do I make friends that will like me for me without being judged or mocked by the way I work. 

Comments

  • Oxonlady
    Oxonlady Scope Member Posts: 563 Pioneering
    Hi @lewissayner, that's a good question and actually it applies to all of us.
    Anyone who mocks other people, for any reason, has little empathy and acts thoughtlessly so would not, in my opinion, make a good friend. 
    I'd rather be on my own and not have any friends if I couldn't trust them to respect me just as I am. 
    Having said that, fortunately there are lots of nice people out there, who would not dream of being childish enough to mock someone, for any reason. 
    You'll find such nice people here at Scope. If you are working maybe there will be someone pleasant at work. 
    I really hope there is no bullying at your workplace? 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    Hi are you ok you have changed to a different discussion 

    How is your day going  I was asking @BrettW if there was anything he may know of 

    On the other discussion you said you had friends  disability is hard and people are ignorant to disability and say hurtful things 

    Isnt there any help or support in your area 
  • lewissayner
    lewissayner Community member Posts: 45 Listener
    @Oxonlady I don’t work as lost my job in the pandemic. But to be honest I didn’t really work with nice people so kinda glad I don’t work at the moment. I guess it’s trying to find a job that’s right for you in a way 
  • BrettW
    BrettW Community member Posts: 697 Empowering
    edited January 2021
    I responded to him in the other thread @lisathomas50

    The only thing you can do where friends are concerned Lewis is just be yourself. A lot of people make the mistake of behaving how they think people expect them to behave rather than showing their true nature. You will find if you act yourself you will be more relaxed and people will respond to this.

    Friendships based like this tend to be more long lasting than the ones where people alter their behaviour just to 'fit in'

    Hope that helps buddy
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    edited January 2021
    @BrettW thank you 
  • lewissayner
    lewissayner Community member Posts: 45 Listener
    @lisathomas50 if you don’t like what I post why are you sending messages on here. I have autism it means I work a bit differently I can’t help the way I work. If you don’t like me then please leave me alone as I’m trying to be me on this site. I don’t need trouble or anything negative I just want positive in my posts 
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,611 Championing
    Hi @lewissayner

    Hope you're well. I don't think @lisathomas50 was saying anything negative about your post or how you came across, she was more just trying to check if you are okay and has the best intentions :) :smile:

    I apologise if the question upset you in any way or made you feel as though your post wasn't welcome, but I can assure you that everyone here only wants to help you and make sure you are okay.
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    @Ross_Scope I am sorry it wasn't my intention to upset I will respect 

    His wishes and not comment 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,443 Championing
    You mentioned that having a job that fits you might help you to make some friends @lewissayner. I remember pointing you towards our Support to Work service before. Did you end up looking into that? I agree that work can be a good place to meet new people, and gain more confidence. 
  • lewissayner
    lewissayner Community member Posts: 45 Listener
    This is a time to support one another during this horrible time that we going through. No one should be sad depressed or down everyone should be happy and enjoy life and never give up. It’s such a shame what we are going through and I hope we can get back to some sort of normal soon as I think it’s getting to everyone and it’s not helping peoples mental health 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    @lewissayner I am sorry if I have upset you I do like you  my intention was to help 

    I will respect your wishes if you don't want me to comment 

    Take care 
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    As far as gaining friends is concerned I have always personally found that the quickest way to do,so is to join a club or group of people who share an interest with you.

    as Brett says, once you’ve joined its best to be yourself because people will appreciate some of your unique characteristics and ways of thinking etc. Far harder to pretend to be someone you’re not, not that anyone has mentioned doing so. 

    Work is a a good way to meet people and prevent loneliness as well of course though I never personally found it a way to gain friends, but then I’m male and I think that does actually make a difference in the workplace. I was friendly at work but I left that at work if you see what I mean, preferring to have separate friends to work colleagues. 
    ?
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,935 Championing
    I seem to 'click' with more people on internet forums than I ever have in real life.  The downside is that I'll probably never meet any of them.  :/

    As with everything, you may have to try a few potential friends before you come across the right ones.  Joining clubs is probably a better idea than work as people are generally at work because they have to be, whereas they'll be in clubs because they want to be.  :)
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    lewissayner said:
    @lisathomas50 if you don’t like what I post why are you sending messages on here. I have autism it means I work a bit differently I can’t help the way I work. If you don’t like me then please leave me alone as I’m trying to be me on this site. I don’t need trouble or anything negative I just want positive in my posts 
    @lewissayner I'm not trying to be disresiectful but comments like this and the one you made to me on your tv post are not very nice when everyone is trying to help you 

    I understand this is maybe down to your condition but people are only trying to help you 

    This could be a reason you find it difficult connecting with friends if you put up barriers to people wanting to help and befriend you 
  • lewissayner
    lewissayner Community member Posts: 45 Listener
    @janer1967 can you leave me alone please I would very much appreciate it that you don’t message on my posts again. Everyone else has said nice things so can you learn from them and stop making me feel unhappy with you’re negativity. If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all :) 
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,984 Championing
    I agree with the others who say to be yourself. Would you rather have lots of friends who are friends with a fake persona you put on or just a couple of friends who are friends with the true you? There is a well-known saying: “I’d rather be hated for being who I am than loved for being what I’m not”.

    I made a couple of friends at a support group - maybe that is an option, as they will have things in common, understand your difficulties, may even share some of your unique traits, although joining a club is also a good idea.
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,984 Championing
    OverlyAnxious said:
    I seem to 'click' with more people on internet forums than I ever have in real life.  The downside is that I'll probably never meet any of them.  :/
    I find this too. I wonder if it is because you can hide stuff that is irrelevant or that you are ashamed of - just share what you want to etc.

    I.e. on a Mini Cooper forum I’m just a person that owns a Mini. I’d never dare share that I’m scared of driving on dual carriageways as I’d get destroyed!! On watch forums I’m just someone who likes watches. Don’t have to and would never disclose there that I’m, say, on benefits as most watch enthusiasts are high earners. :D 

    On this site I tend to post everything in honesty - not to say I lie on other forums, I just withhold facts.
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    @66Mustang you have made some realy good points 

    As you say depends on what forum your on the conversation is different 

    And your right you don't have to disclose anything you don't want 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,443 Championing
    I think it's important to remember that sometimes posts and comments get interpreted in different ways by different people, for a variety of reasons. This is a gentle reminder to keep discussions on the community friendly and inclusive. 

    I also think joining an online group is a great idea @lewissayner :) Have you had a think about groups you might be able to join, or anything you might be interested in trying? 
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,651 Connected
    Meh, I've been mocked for being disabled most of my life, especially online, way back circa November 1999 when it was announced to the world that I have Asperger's for example, I doubt the Mods would thank me for repeating some of the names I was called on various forums.

    I've also been called a "workshy waste of skin" by Daily Mail reading nutjobs who spend all day posting on Facebook when they should be working themselves! It's not my fault I can't get a job beyond the voluntary sector, I've been trying for over 25 years.

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