What To Say Afeter You Say Hello — Scope | Disability forum
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What To Say Afeter You Say Hello

csno01
csno01 Member Posts: 277 Pioneering
edited October 2021 in Sensory impairments
Hi Everyone,

Have you ever sensed that awkwardness of not knowing what to say after you have said hello? I struggle with this and was wondering what I could do to help me get better at it. Suggestions welcome. 

Thank you
CSno01

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 16,405 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi 

    It all depends on who you are talking to and your relationship with the person 

    Is it first time you are talking to them? Why are you saying hello to them 
    What do you want to get out of the conversation etc 
  • coylygirl
    coylygirl Member Posts: 283 Pioneering
    How;re things with you?  What's going on with you?  Be interested and caring x
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,578 Scope online community team
    Good morning @csno01. I've definitely felt this awkwardness and can then overthink it which results in me stumbling over my words. 
    I think like most things, practice can help. The more conversations you engage in, the more you can potentially pick up and use in your next conversation. 

    Is there anyone you find it easier to talk to?
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  • csno01
    csno01 Member Posts: 277 Pioneering
    @Adrian_Scope

    I guess my friends who I see regularly, although there are other people I also know, but unfortunately, not ass well. I guess this is normal. Do you know of any tips or resources which could be of use please? 

    You mention over thinking. I do this a lot and think about what I want to say beforehand. I guess this could be both a good and bad thing?
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    We have just had a delivery and it went like this me:"Hi how are you? been busy?"
    him: "hi i'm fine thanks and yes its always busy"
    then the conversation moved on.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 9,644 Scope online community team
    edited March 2021
    I'll keep an eye out for resources, but this is something I also experience @csno01. Something I've found that has helped is having some 'emergency topics' I can rely on if I find myself struggling to know what to say during a conversation. Perhaps a funny story, or something about an interesting thing I've recently watched or read.

    You can also use the environment around you as a prompt, as it's some immediate and obvious common ground. For example, mentioning the people around you, or discussing the location you're in. I find that sometimes helps ease me into a conversation.

    Asking the other person questions is a classic tip. You don't need to interrogate them, but asking general questions can help you find out what you might have in common with them. They'll also hopefully ask questions back, which can help get the discussion flowing a bit more too. 

    I've also found acknowledging the awkwardness helps a lot of the time. I try to own it. Saying something like 'ahhh sorry I'm a little awkward today' (there are definitely better options I can't think of right now :D) can help to ease the tension, and lets the other person know that they might need to lead the conversation at first. 

    Yeah I think overthinking has pros and cons. I find some benefit to thinking about what I might like to say beforehand, but thinking about it too much makes me less relaxed and the conversation feels more stunted. 

    I'd second the advice to practise as much as you can with those you find it easier to talk to. Practising with strangers online can work too, as although the style is clearly different you can still practise bringing up topics, changing topics, reacting to what others have said, and so on. 
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Member Posts: 6,455 Disability Gamechanger
    The weather is always good to start with, lovely day etc.
    avoid getting too personal too quickly , eg “wow, I like your boots, certainly won’t blow over wearing those will you!” Etc.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 4,720 Disability Gamechanger
    I tend to waffle on to strangers, I mean I don't go out my way but like at the bus stop etc, I've gone in local shop and talked to a stranger who was in same  shop and weve walked all way back up the street having a conversation, 
    Weather's a good topic we all like moaning about it lol, depends who your talking to, your surroundings and why your talking to them, 
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Member Posts: 1,791 Disability Gamechanger
    I find other people usually start talking as soon as there's a gap...  The problem arises when two introverts meet up!  :D

    Overthinking and planning conversations doesn't often go well for me so I'm not sure I'd recommend that.  I find people don't respond in the way I'd expected which then throws me of for the rest of the conversation.  I wish I could 'just chat' like most people seem to be able to. 
  • innocent21
    innocent21 Posts: 35 Connected
    Everyone tends to have their own repertoire of the types of things they talk about and the way they start conversations with people they aren't familiar with.

    I shy away from small talk. I find it dire. I can't speak for other people but I either talk about how much something sucks as a passing comment, or I make an observation by comparing one thing to another thing.

    Are you interested in any self help books on Amazon about social skills and being a good conversationalist?
  • csno01
    csno01 Member Posts: 277 Pioneering
    Thanks for the responses Guys. Some things to bear in mind here. Like @Adrian_Scope said: the more you practice, the easier it will become. On another note, I guess the Pandemic hasnt helped has it. 
    With regards to resources, I have been looking more online based, rather then books @innocent21

  • Teddybear12
    Teddybear12 Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 8,140 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @csno01 I think a lot of people are struggling with holding a conversation at the moment because of lockdown. We have got out of practice. I would not plan to much though as it can come out stilted which stops most conversations. Depending on the situation I would say Hello nice day or how are you ? When I walk my little dog it is easy as most people speak to me. Could you borrow a dog to take for a walk ? might give you some practice if not it will give you a laugh.  
  • csno01
    csno01 Member Posts: 277 Pioneering
    Thank you for the reccomendations @Teddybear12. I will bear this in mind. I don’t have any pets myself but I know people who do. 
  • staffydog33
    staffydog33 Member Posts: 10 Listener
    I am a MASSIVE introvert.....ZERO confidence, anxiety, depression, social phobias etc...but my conversation skills are awesome....with Billy.

    Only problem is, Billy, Is my pet dog!!

    I've opted to go to group therapy, where there will literally a few other people with exact or very very similar problems as me and what is VERY strange, is I'm not worried about it, I actually think ciz they will all be pretty similar to me with regards to mental health, I may end up waffling on with non-stop conversation..lol.

    As for regular strangers...NO WAY.....I run a mile!!

    Matt
  • staffydog33
    staffydog33 Member Posts: 10 Listener
    csno01 said:
    Hi Everyone,

    Have you ever sensed that awkwardness of not knowing what to say after you have said hello? I struggle with this and was wondering what I could do to help me get better at it. Suggestions welcome. 

    Thank you
    CSno01

    Well, you have done better than me already, coz I haven't even had the guts to say hello to a stranger!

    So genuine congrats!

    I MASSIVELY overthink:

    What should I talk about?
    How long should I talk before I give them a chance to talk?
    How many questions should I ask/not ask?

    How/when and who ends the conversation?

    I could go on forever..lol

    Matt
  • staffydog33
    staffydog33 Member Posts: 10 Listener
    These lyrics from an awesome song by, Pink is me:

    Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
    I can't take the person starin' back at me
    I'm a hazard to myself
    Don't let me get me
    I'm my own worst enemy
    Its bad when you annoy yourself
    So irritating
    Don't wanna be my friend no more
    I wanna be somebody else
    I wanna be somebody else

    Doctor Doctor won't you please prescribe me something?
    ....a day in the life od someeeeeone else!!!!

    Matt.

Brightness

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