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Hi, I'm HippyRick! My partner's child is in care due to her being disabled, can anyone help?
HippyRick
Member Posts: 4 Listener
I’ve joined the community because my partners child is in care due to her disability. I’m with her now, but also disabled and they are saying we are not the right parents for our child despite him screaming to come home with his Mammy at every contact meeting. Our solicitor is useless and we believe he is in cahoots with the Social Services, so we have turned to Scope in a bid to get better legal advice.
Replies
I'm sorry we dont really give legal advice and cant think of any members who have this sort of knowledge
Is it your partner that is disabled or her child ? Sorry it's a bit confusing from your post
Hopefully other members may be able to direct you to some legal advice
I am a single parent and I am wheelchair bound yes my son does miss out on me not bring able to do some physical activities but he is loved cared for fed watered warm roof over his head and brought up to make the most of his life and every opportunity
I hope you can get some help
thankyou.x
You need to ask for an independent parenting assessment to be done, as well as legal advice that you said you have try and see if you can find an independent advocate who knows about children and fsmiilys
Ask for all contacts to be recorded with sound so that if it goes to family court they can be asked by your solicitor to be used as evidence in your case
You can ask for a support package to be put in which is reviewed every six months
The human rights act states enough have a right to family life disability is not a reason to be unable to look after a child
Also speak to disability rights there is alot of support out there don't let social services isolate you from other help
When you have contacts only focus on the contact with your child don't engage in conversation with them unless it's about the contact I know its hard but try not to get upset whilst haveing contact
Hopefuly the solicitor scope has recommended will be better because your child is 8 and he can talk they still have to take into consideration what your child wants
At some point a guardian ad litum will be appointed for your child this person acts on behalf of your child
The guardian ad litum csrrys alot of weight and is who the judges listen to as they are representing your child you gave a long journey ahead of you and its going to be stressful its a difficult situation but the more support you can get to help you through it the better
I am happy to answer any questions the advice I have given is my experience of being an independent voluntary advocate helping children and fsmilys and from my own experience
Has the guardian ad litum attended any of the contacts ? Do both of you attend the contacts ? How long has the child been in care?
The guardian ad litum is representing the child so they will be looking for proof of good parenting a stable household ability to care for a child and the dynamics of the family
Try not to mention the name of the child as he is in obviously in Foster care and is a protective measure
Your partner needs to prove then that she can parent her child on her own your relationship is to young to prove a stable relationship
I know thst sounds harsh but that's how the guardian ad litum will see it
Its going to be a hard uphill struggle especially if the guardian ad litum is not in favour your partner has to prove that she can look after her son and needs to ask for a parenting assessment and try and push for a mother and child unit where your partner will be monitored and assessed in her parenting capability in a controlled ienvironment
Again it depends on how far the case has gone
Welcome to our community and I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Goodness knows, many of us would feel equally as heartbroken
I'd second seeking free independent advice from someone specifically trained in this area. The Law Centre website and Advicelocal website are places that can help you find such support close to you.
I've also edited out first names included in this post to protect all identities involved and moved the thread to our Disabled parents category as this could help others who have been through similar spot your story. How are you both today?
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I'm hoping they will publish my story. I desperate to get it out their how much I love him.
I now he need to hear my side but when I see him their always their and I cannot talked to him and let him now his not abandoned and I want him.
Even if he doesnt come home I want him to know that x
I really feel it's because I rely on carers to bath my son and help me with him I might be saying this because I'm annoyed
But I think they get more money to keep him on foster care I read this online and I can believe it
I emotionally supported him and it kills me that I cannot do that now
I has to rely on carers to help my son get washed
That's another reason I think they are finding it cheaper
If your son is placed into long term fostering ask that your contact still carrys on with your son
You can also ask for shared parental responsibility where he can come home but social services will share the responsibility
I am struggling to understand why they are comring down so hard your child is at an age where he can do some things himself so it's mainly supervising your son
Where your partner is concerned with all the new laws he wouldn't be able to assist your son
How long has your case been going on ?
When your social worker says they want to Foster because he comes from a loving family is if your son was adopted then all contact would stop thats why I said if the worst happens ask for regular contact
Get in touch with your local mp becsuse it's a disability issue he will be able to help or she .
You realy need someone independent from social services to help you to get all the advice you can
You can also ask for a care package to be put in for yourself and your son many disabled people bring their children up with help and support
I live in Wales so the network of people I use in these situations don't cover England I know you have advocates that you could get in touch with and as I have said your local mp your local councilor you could also speak to disability rights and also some one from human rights
I hope you can get the help you need
1. He needs to have a dbs check done on him
2 he needs to have a parenting assessment done
Had he got children if his own ?
The carers are trained and have had a dbs check done on them
The other reason is because your relationship is new and isn't classed as stable as how they look at it he could leave you and you would be back at square one
I have helped people who have been in a two year reslstion ship and had the same problems
The guardian ad litum is the one you need to prove you can look after your son as they are the ones that the judge will listen to very rare that they go against a guardian ad litum
You can do a dbs application online for your partner you will need an enhanced dbs it does cost money to do this around 40.00 could be less and then ask for a parenting assessment for your partner
Hope this helps
I am here if you need to ask me any more questions
Yes and their very well adjusted children
My son was her by a carer and their trained the
You dont know what our relationship is like. Believe me I was in a refuge I can tell the difference men in my experience show their true colours early like about the first week with my ex when he pined me to the wall by neck
<Moderator removed personal details> has been their first me all the way he is checked out and has a generally nature and he has also brought up a child that was not his own.
I am an independent advocate that helps people in your situation
From what you have said you have done most of what I have said for you to do if your partner completes his parenting assrnent and passes that will be good
I cant comment on what you said about the carer you also need to try and not mention any names as you are legally bound not to make any case public as your son is in Foster care
Again all I can say is you need to get in touch with the people I mentioned above that are independent to social services that are there to help and advise you
From one of the messages I think your partner wrote he doesn't think that the Gaurdian ad litum is in your favour if thsts the case you have a uphill struggle as the judge will listen to them not very often they go against their recommendations
I know you don't want to think about this but you need to get in place long term fostering with ongoing contact from what you said earlier it looks like that is what social services are suggesting
If you get that in place with social services they will discuss that as another option with the guardian ad litum
Has the guardian ad litum done her report yet ??
How often is your contact with your son ?? Does your partner attend ??
The guardian ad literacy is two minded on minute my son talks warmly about me and his sister not his dad though. And the next were not good enough. If she was truly listening to my son she would listen to the reports of him getting stressed when he has to leave me screaming for me.
My son is not a happy little man and its thanks to the system.
Theirs good and bad in everyone I just happen to have had a bad social worker who llies and twists everything you say.
This is where the problem lies then you haven't met her son so he has been in Foster care a whilst then they will use time frame against you
As her son hasn't met you thete is no relationship between you so you would need time to build up a relationship with him which could take time which is why I suggested joint parental responsibility with social services so that your partners son can come home it will be reviewed I think its every three months social services will do home visits and I expect your partner will still need carers that will give you both the best possible chance if you can get that in place
This means though if you can get that put in place if anything goes wrong social services will be able to remove your partners son
As I have already said you need somebody independent to help you where you live someone that you can tell everything to if you read all my messages I have given advice on who to contact
As I said to your partner when you get the gaurdian ad litum report you will know exactly where you Stand
Its a very difficult situation I get what your saying about other women have new partners but they are not in your situation
The gaurdian ad litum thinks outside the box so she sees everything that could go wrong your son hasn't met your partner so that will take time to build up a relationship thst are the lines the gaurdian ad litum is going along
The guardian has to weigh up the pros and cons of your son comeing home to you they only have your son on their mind which makes things harder because they hold your sons future in their hands which is why I have given you other alternatives to put to social services I hope that you get your son home
I would hope that you could get your son home but it is going to be a hard uphill struggle
Do you have a good relationship with social services and to be fair no one knows what the gaurdian ad litum is thinking I have been helping in a case where there was no way the guardian was going to let the child go home day two of the case they changed their mind
Just do everything they want you to do and do everything you can to try and get your son home