Hi, I'm HippyRick! My partner's child is in care due to her being disabled, can anyone help?

HippyRick

I’ve joined the community because my partners child is in care due to her disability. I’m with her now, but also disabled and they are saying we are not the right parents for our child despite him screaming to come home with his Mammy at every contact meeting. Our solicitor is useless and we believe he is in cahoots with the Social Services, so we have turned to Scope in a bid to get better legal advice.

janer1967

Hi and welcome 

I'm sorry we dont really give legal advice and cant think of any members who have this sort of knowledge 

Is it your partner that is disabled or her child ? Sorry it's a bit confusing from your post 

Hopefully other members may be able to direct you to some legal advice 

HippyRick

Sorry, it’s my partner who’s wheelchair bound with severe rheumatoid arthritis all over her body. I have a severe spinal condition and severe osteoarthritis in hands, hips, knees etc which renders me virtually unable to walk very far and in a wheelchair for any distance . We are not looking for legal advice in the community, just support and ideas as Scope recommended legal team to help. Thanks<moderator removed personal details>x

janer1967

Your disabilities should in my opinion have no reflection on your ability to parent 

I am a single parent and I am wheelchair bound yes my son does miss out on me not bring able to do some physical activities but he is loved cared for fed watered warm roof over his head and brought up to make the most of his life and every opportunity 

I hope you can get some help 

Jackis

They pointed us to the disability law service to get advice. i am <moderator removed personal details>s partner and this is breaking my heart. dont know what i would have done without <moderator removed personal details>. They literally dragged my son out of the room when he tried to run in for a hug. The social worker said he need a better than ok parent because he might have ADHD. This whole situation stinks. Apart from each other no one supports us with this. That is why i am really greatful to the gentleman who gave me advice on where to go. and directed me  back to this site for support.
thankyou.x

Sandy_123

Hi @Jackis I'm sorry your have to go through all this, I can't imagine how much of a night mare it is for you all. If your not happy with the solicitor have a look at others. Also I don't have a lot of information on this but there are links on Google, some one might pop on your post with more knowledge. I really hope your able to get through this and get your son back at home.

Jackis

Thankyou

Jackis

x

Lisatho11987777

@HippyRick hi sorry your going through all of this  

You need to ask for an independent  parenting assessment to be done,  as well as legal advice that you said you have  try and see if you can find an independent  advocate who knows about children and fsmiilys 

Ask for all contacts to be recorded with sound so that if it goes to family court  they can be asked by your solicitor to be used as evidence in your case 

You can ask for a support package to be put in which is reviewed every six months 

The human rights act states enough have a right to family life  disability is not a reason to be unable to look after a child 

Also  speak to disability rights there is alot of support  out there don't let social services isolate you from other help 

When you have contacts only focus on the contact with your child don't engage in conversation with them unless it's about the contact I know its hard but try not to get upset whilst haveing contact 

Hopefuly the solicitor scope has recommended  will be better  because your child is 8 and he can talk they still have to take into consideration what your child wants 

At some point a guardian ad litum will be appointed for your child this person acts on behalf of your child 

The guardian ad litum  csrrys alot of weight and is who the judges listen to as they are representing your child  you gave a long journey  ahead of you and its going to be stressful its a difficult situation but the more support you can get to help you through it the better 

I am happy to answer any questions the advice I have given is my experience of being an independent  voluntary advocate helping children and fsmilys and from my own experience 

HippyRick

Thank you for your reply. A Guardian ad Litum has already been assigned, but yet again does not appear to favour us as parents because our relationship is too young. We’ve been going out with each other for four months now, I have stayed at <moderator removed personal details>s all this time to show permanence and we got engaged just over a week ago. We love each other madly and want <moderator removed personal details> back in the fold so I can be his loving, supportive male role model in life. It’s just so unfair.

Lisatho11987777

@HippyRick how far has the case gone  have they done a risk assessment for you as the relationship is new??

Has the guardian ad litum attended any of the contacts ? Do both of you attend the contacts ? How long has the child been in care? 

The guardian ad litum is representing the child  so  they will be looking for proof of good parenting a stable household  ability to care for a child and the dynamics of the family 

Try not to mention the name of the child as he is in obviously in Foster care  and is a protective measure 

Your partner needs to prove then that she can parent her child on her own your relationship  is to young to prove a stable relationship 

I know thst sounds harsh but that's how the guardian ad litum will see it 

Its going to be a hard uphill struggle  especially if the guardian ad litum is not in favour your partner has to prove that she can look after her son and needs to ask for a parenting assessment  and try and push for a mother and child unit where your partner will be monitored and assessed in her parenting capability in a controlled ienvironment 

Again it depends on how far the case has gone 

Cher_Inactive

Hello @HippyRick and @Jackis

Welcome to our community and I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time.  Goodness knows, many of us would feel equally as heartbroken    I have my fingers crossed for better news for you soon.

I'd second seeking free independent advice from someone specifically trained in this area.  The Law Centre website and Advicelocal website are places that can help you find such support close to you.  

I've also edited out first names included in this post to protect all identities involved and moved the thread to our Disabled parents category as this could help others who have been through similar spot your story.  How are you both today?  

Jackis

I wrote to different magazines and papers tonight . I cannot sleep . I just feel as if I'm grieving someone who's still here. 

I'm hoping they will publish my story. I desperate to get it out their how much I love him.

I now he need to hear my side but when I see him their always their and I cannot talked to him and let him now his not abandoned and I want him.

Even if he doesnt come home I want him to know that x

Jackis

What I really dont get is that the social worker wants him fostered cause she said he comes from a family who love him.

I really feel it's because I rely on carers to bath my son and help me with him  I might be saying this because I'm annoyed

But I think they get more money to keep him on foster care I read this online and I can believe it

Jackis

I cannot look after him without help. My hands are deformed I cannot dress myself.  But scince I left his dad and went into a refuge I'm all he had.

I emotionally supported him and it kills me that I cannot do that now

I has to rely on carers to help my son get washed 

That's another reason I think they are finding it cheaper

Lisatho11987777

@Jackis you need to get these things in place even if your case hasn't finished 

If your son is placed into long term fostering ask that your contact still carrys on with your son 

You can also ask for shared parental responsibility  where he can come home but social services will share the responsibility 

I am struggling to understand why they are comring down so hard  your child is at an age where he can do some things himself so it's mainly supervising your son 

Where your partner is concerned  with all the new laws he wouldn't be able to assist your son 

How long has your case been going on ? 

When your social worker says they want to Foster because he comes from a loving family is if your son was adopted then all contact would stop thats why I said  if the worst happens ask for regular  contact 

Get in touch with your local mp becsuse it's a disability issue he will be able to help or she .

You realy need someone independent from social services to help you  to get all the advice you can 

You can also ask for a care package to be put in for yourself and your son  many disabled people bring their children up with help  and support 

I live in Wales so the network of people I use in these situations don't cover England  I know you have advocates that you could get  in touch with  and as I have said your local  mp your local councilor  you could also speak to disability rights  and also some one from human rights 

I hope you can get the help you need 

Jackis

They let foster carers deal with my child what's the difference between my partner apart from he isn't in it for money. He actually cares about me and my son.x

Lisatho11987777

@jackis I don't know how long your case had been going bit this is what your partner needs to do before he can care for your son 

1.  He needs to have a dbs check done on him 

2  he needs to have a parenting  assessment done 

Had he got children if his own ? 

The carers are trained and have had a dbs check done on them 

The other reason is because your relationship  is new and isn't classed as stable as how they look at it he could leave you and you would be back at square one 

I have helped people who have been in a two year reslstion ship and had the same problems 

The guardian ad litum is the one you need to prove you can look after your son as they are the ones that the judge will listen to very rare that they go against a guardian ad litum 

You can do a dbs application online for your partner you will need an enhanced dbs it does cost money to do this around 40.00 could be less and then ask for a parenting assessment  for your partner 

Hope this helps 

I am here if you need to ask me any more questions 

Jackis

His had a dbs check his also going though an assessment but my social worker has disappeared at the moment. 

Yes and their very well adjusted children

My son was her by a carer and their trained the

You dont know what our relationship is like. Believe me I was in a refuge I can tell the difference men in my experience show their true colours early like about the first week with my ex when he pined me to the wall by neck

<Moderator removed personal details> has been their first me all the way he is checked out and has a generally nature and he has also brought up a child that was not his own. 

Jackis

A ca carer hert my son I just couldn't prove it so trained right yeh

Jackis

Oh and I love him. I feel my son deserves  a man to be their for him apart from his dad who I had to run from and know instead of getting to know his son wants to travel the world