Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Hi, I'm HippyRick! My partner's child is in care due to her being disabled, can anyone help?

HippyRickHippyRick Member Posts: 4 Listener
I’ve joined the community because my partners child is in care due to her disability. I’m with her now, but also disabled and they are saying we are not the right parents for our child despite him screaming to come home with his Mammy at every contact meeting. Our solicitor is useless and we believe he is in cahoots with the Social Services, so we have turned to Scope in a bid to get better legal advice.


  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,198 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome 

    I'm sorry we dont really give legal advice and cant think of any members who have this sort of knowledge 

    Is it your partner that is disabled or her child ? Sorry it's a bit confusing from your post 

    Hopefully other members may be able to direct you to some legal advice 
  • HippyRickHippyRick Member Posts: 4 Listener
    edited February 19
    Sorry, it’s my partner who’s wheelchair bound with severe rheumatoid arthritis all over her body. I have a severe spinal condition and severe osteoarthritis in hands, hips, knees etc which renders me virtually unable to walk very far and in a wheelchair for any distance . We are not looking for legal advice in the community, just support and ideas as Scope recommended legal team to help. Thanks<moderator removed personal details>x
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,198 Disability Gamechanger
    Your disabilities should in my opinion have no reflection on your ability to parent 

    I am a single parent and I am wheelchair bound yes my son does miss out on me not bring able to do some physical activities but he is loved cared for fed watered warm roof over his head and brought up to make the most of his life and every opportunity 

    I hope you can get some help 
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    edited February 19
    They pointed us to the disability law service to get advice. i am <moderator removed personal details>s partner and this is breaking my heart. dont know what i would have done without <moderator removed personal details>. They literally dragged my son out of the room when he tried to run in for a hug. The social worker said he need a better than ok parent because he might have ADHD. This whole situation stinks. Apart from each other no one supports us with this. That is why i am really greatful to the gentleman who gave me advice on where to go. and directed me  back to this site for support.
  • Sandy_123Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,538 Pioneering
    Hi @Jackis I'm sorry your have to go through all this, I can't imagine how much of a night mare it is for you all. If your not happy with the solicitor have a look at others. Also I don't have a lot of information on this but there are links on Google, some one might pop on your post with more knowledge. I really hope your able to get through this and get your son back at home.
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @HippyRick hi sorry your going through all of this  

    You need to ask for an independent  parenting assessment to be done,  as well as legal advice that you said you have  try and see if you can find an independent  advocate who knows about children and fsmiilys 

    Ask for all contacts to be recorded with sound so that if it goes to family court  they can be asked by your solicitor to be used as evidence in your case 

    You can ask for a support package to be put in which is reviewed every six months 

    The human rights act states enough have a right to family life  disability is not a reason to be unable to look after a child 

    Also  speak to disability rights there is alot of support  out there don't let social services isolate you from other help 

    When you have contacts only focus on the contact with your child don't engage in conversation with them unless it's about the contact I know its hard but try not to get upset whilst haveing contact 

    Hopefuly the solicitor scope has recommended  will be better  because your child is 8 and he can talk they still have to take into consideration what your child wants 

    At some point a guardian ad litum will be appointed for your child this person acts on behalf of your child 

    The guardian ad litum  csrrys alot of weight and is who the judges listen to as they are representing your child  you gave a long journey  ahead of you and its going to be stressful its a difficult situation but the more support you can get to help you through it the better 

    I am happy to answer any questions the advice I have given is my experience of being an independent  voluntary advocate helping children and fsmilys and from my own experience 

  • HippyRickHippyRick Member Posts: 4 Listener
    edited February 19
    Thank you for your reply. A Guardian ad Litum has already been assigned, but yet again does not appear to favour us as parents because our relationship is too young. We’ve been going out with each other for four months now, I have stayed at <moderator removed personal details>s all this time to show permanence and we got engaged just over a week ago. We love each other madly and want <moderator removed personal details> back in the fold so I can be his loving, supportive male role model in life. It’s just so unfair.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @HippyRick how far has the case gone  have they done a risk assessment for you as the relationship is new??

    Has the guardian ad litum attended any of the contacts ? Do both of you attend the contacts ? How long has the child been in care? 

    The guardian ad litum is representing the child  so  they will be looking for proof of good parenting a stable household  ability to care for a child and the dynamics of the family 

    Try not to mention the name of the child as he is in obviously in Foster care  and is a protective measure 

    Your partner needs to prove then that she can parent her child on her own your relationship  is to young to prove a stable relationship 

    I know thst sounds harsh but that's how the guardian ad litum will see it 

    Its going to be a hard uphill struggle  especially if the guardian ad litum is not in favour your partner has to prove that she can look after her son and needs to ask for a parenting assessment  and try and push for a mother and child unit where your partner will be monitored and assessed in her parenting capability in a controlled ienvironment 

    Again it depends on how far the case has gone 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 4,038

    Scope community team

    Hello @HippyRick and @Jackis

    Welcome to our community and I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time.  Goodness knows, many of us would feel equally as heartbroken :(   I have my fingers crossed for better news for you soon.

    I'd second seeking free independent advice from someone specifically trained in this area.  The Law Centre website and Advicelocal website are places that can help you find such support close to you.  

    I've also edited out first names included in this post to protect all identities involved and moved the thread to our Disabled parents category as this could help others who have been through similar spot your story.  How are you both today?  
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the online community?  Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I wrote to different magazines and papers tonight . I cannot sleep . I just feel as if I'm grieving someone who's still here. 

    I'm hoping they will publish my story. I desperate to get it out their how much I love him.

    I now he need to hear my side but when I see him their always their and I cannot talked to him and let him now his not abandoned and I want him.

    Even if he doesnt come home I want him to know that x

  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    What I really dont get is that the social worker wants him fostered cause she said he comes from a family who love him.

    I really feel it's because I rely on carers to bath my son and help me with him  I might be saying this because I'm annoyed

    But I think they get more money to keep him on foster care I read this online and I can believe it

  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    I cannot look after him without help. My hands are deformed I cannot dress myself.  But scince I left his dad and went into a refuge I'm all he had.

    I emotionally supported him and it kills me that I cannot do that now

    I has to rely on carers to help my son get washed 

    That's another reason I think they are finding it cheaper
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @Jackis you need to get these things in place even if your case hasn't finished 

    If your son is placed into long term fostering ask that your contact still carrys on with your son 

    You can also ask for shared parental responsibility  where he can come home but social services will share the responsibility 

    I am struggling to understand why they are comring down so hard  your child is at an age where he can do some things himself so it's mainly supervising your son 

    Where your partner is concerned  with all the new laws he wouldn't be able to assist your son 

    How long has your case been going on ? 

    When your social worker says they want to Foster because he comes from a loving family is if your son was adopted then all contact would stop thats why I said  if the worst happens ask for regular  contact 

    Get in touch with your local mp becsuse it's a disability issue he will be able to help or she .

    You realy need someone independent from social services to help you  to get all the advice you can 

    You can also ask for a care package to be put in for yourself and your son  many disabled people bring their children up with help  and support 

    I live in Wales so the network of people I use in these situations don't cover England  I know you have advocates that you could get  in touch with  and as I have said your local  mp your local councilor  you could also speak to disability rights  and also some one from human rights 

    I hope you can get the help you need 
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    They let foster carers deal with my child what's the difference between my partner apart from he isn't in it for money. He actually cares about me and my son.x
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @jackis I don't know how long your case had been going bit this is what your partner needs to do before he can care for your son 

    1.  He needs to have a dbs check done on him 

    2  he needs to have a parenting  assessment done 

    Had he got children if his own ? 

    The carers are trained and have had a dbs check done on them 

    The other reason is because your relationship  is new and isn't classed as stable as how they look at it he could leave you and you would be back at square one 

    I have helped people who have been in a two year reslstion ship and had the same problems 

    The guardian ad litum is the one you need to prove you can look after your son as they are the ones that the judge will listen to very rare that they go against a guardian ad litum 

    You can do a dbs application online for your partner you will need an enhanced dbs it does cost money to do this around 40.00 could be less and then ask for a parenting assessment  for your partner 

    Hope this helps 

    I am here if you need to ask me any more questions 

  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    edited February 20
    His had a dbs check his also going though an assessment but my social worker has disappeared at the moment. 

    Yes and their very well adjusted children

    My son was her by a carer and their trained the

    You dont know what our relationship is like. Believe me I was in a refuge I can tell the difference men in my experience show their true colours early like about the first week with my ex when he pined me to the wall by neck

    <Moderator removed personal details> has been their first me all the way he is checked out and has a generally nature and he has also brought up a child that was not his own. 

  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    A ca carer hert my son I just couldn't prove it so trained right yeh
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    Oh and I love him. I feel my son deserves  a man to be their for him apart from his dad who I had to run from and know instead of getting to know his son wants to travel the world
  • HippyRickHippyRick Member Posts: 4 Listener
    edited February 20
    Hi, I’m @Jackis partner. I have been Police checked, nothing to hide. I’m going through parenting classes with <moderator removed personal details> and independent checking by the child’s Social Worker. I have three very well adjusted adult children, I am older than <moderator removed personal details>. I brought up a young boy with learning difficulties as my own son until his mother left me. All I want to do is offer <moderator removed personal details> and her son a loving stable relationship in which he can thrive and I can be his positive male role model as his real Dad doesn’t want to know and thinks he can gallivant around the world without caring for his son. I love <moderator removed personal details>s very much and we are engaged. I haven’t met her son yet by  love him very much too. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @Jackis it's hard to advice on a forum  when you don't know everything 

    I am an independent advocate that helps people in your situation 

    From what you have said you have done most of what I have said for you to do  if your partner  completes  his parenting assrnent and passes that will be good 

    I cant comment on what you said about the carer  you also need to try and not mention any names  as you are legally bound not to make any case public as your son is in Foster care 

    Again all I can say is you need to get in touch with the people I mentioned above that are independent to social services that are there to help and advise you 

    From one of the messages I think your partner wrote he doesn't think that the Gaurdian ad litum is in your favour  if thsts the case you have a uphill struggle as the judge will listen to them not very often they go against their recommendations 

    I know you don't want to think about this but you need to get in place long term fostering with ongoing contact from what you said earlier it looks like that is what social services are suggesting 

    If you get that in place with social services  they will discuss that as another option with the guardian  ad litum 

    Has the guardian ad litum done her report yet  ??

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @Jackis once you get the Gaurdian  ad litum report you will know then what you are up against children and family court cases normaly have to be completed within 12months but hopefuly you have longer because of the pandemic 

    How often is your contact with your son ??  Does your partner attend ??
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    edited February 20
    I might try the human rights people.  Alot of single mums get new partners I'm not any different.. I want the best for my son. And <moderator removed personal details> is the kind of man I want as role model. My soliceter says his a good thing being an ex policeman.  A good role model. 

    The guardian ad literacy is two minded on minute my son talks warmly about me and his sister not his dad though. And the next were not good enough. If she was truly listening to my son she would listen to the reports of him getting stressed when he has to leave me screaming for me.

    My son is not a happy little man and its thanks to the system.

    Theirs good and bad in everyone I just happen to have had a bad social worker who llies and twists everything you say.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @HippyRick that's fab  as I said to your partner this is where its hard trying to advise on a forum when I don't have all the information 

    This is where the problem lies then you haven't met her son so he has been in Foster care a whilst then they will use time frame against you 

    As her son hasn't met you thete is no relationship between you  so you would need time to build up a relationship with him which could take time which is why I suggested  joint parental responsibility  with social services so that your partners son can come home it will be reviewed I think its every three months  social services will do home visits and I expect your partner will still need carers  that will give you both the best possible chance if you can get that in place 

    This means though if you can get that put in place if anything goes wrong social services will be able to remove your partners son 

    As I have already said you need somebody independent to help you where you live someone that you can tell everything to  if you read all my messages I have given advice on who to contact 

    As I said to your partner when you get the gaurdian ad litum report you will know exactly where you Stand 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @Jackis from what you have said I can understand everything your saying and it is realy hard and frustrating for you and I fully understand 

    Its a very difficult situation  I get what your saying about other women have new partners but they are not in your situation 

    The gaurdian ad litum thinks outside the box so she sees everything that could go wrong  your son hasn't met your partner  so that will take time to build up a relationship  thst are the lines the gaurdian  ad litum is going along 

    The guardian has to weigh up the pros and cons of your son  comeing home to you they only have your son on their mind  which makes things harder because they hold your sons future in their hands  which is why I have given you other alternatives to put to social services  I hope that you  get your son home 
  • JackisJackis Member Posts: 14 Listener
    If that the case I think we might not get him back I have the feeling she does not like us very much. And she is definitely not listening to my son

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @Jackis that's why I have suggested to to try and get shared parental responsibility with social services which allows your son to come home 

    I would hope that you could get your son home  but it is going to be a hard uphill struggle 

    Do you have a good relationship with social services  and to be fair no one knows what the gaurdian ad litum is thinking I have been helping in a case where there was no way the guardian was going to let the child go home day two of the case they changed their mind 

    Just do everything they want you to do  and do everything you can to try and get your son home 
  • Kitty1Kitty1 Member Posts: 11 Connected
    I know that this thread is a few months old but Coram Children’s legal centre offers free advice in this situation. 
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