Husband — Scope | Disability forum
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Tj72 Member Posts: 13 Listener
I’ve been very withdrawn lately because of my pain, hubby is hounding me, I’m also going through depression and menopause. He’s been spending lost of time with his kids, ex wife( she rings and texts constantly) 
Am I wrong
yesterday he had his COVID jab, then asked if I could cook as he didn’t feel well( I had mine but still cooked every night) 
I’ve been offered the opportunity for surgery on my back. 20wks recovery!!! What do I do!!!!????


  • Oxonlady
    Oxonlady Member Posts: 477 Pioneering
    Hi @Tj72, I'm sorry to hear of your predicament.
    Please don't make the same mistakes I did. I've had five operations on my spine. For the first three, I was living with my husband and had no support whatsoever. It meant that getting back home after each operation, not only did I not get the opportunity to recover, I was having to go out to buy food, cook meals, do laundry, housework etc. To this day, my back is very damaged. 

    Please make enquiries before your operation. Speak to the surgeons, on your own, confidentially. Say that you will need help and support after your operation and, be honest, you won't get it at home. Can they suggest anything? Social Services expect families to help but what happens when they don't? You need to be brave enough to ask these questions. I wish I had, then maybe I could walk properly and not be housebound.

    I wish I could help you more. You need a proper support network around you. You did the right thing getting things off your chest in this Forum. There are some lovely people here who will support you. Mine is only one opinion, others may be able to help you more. Take care. 
  • Tj72
    Tj72 Member Posts: 13 Listener
    Thank you soo much!
  • Tj72
    Tj72 Member Posts: 13 Listener
    I can’t relay on my husband, he’s not mine, he still belongs to them. Yet he has a go at me all the time!
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 16,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there sorry what you are going through . I don't want to sound harsh but you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and that he is either with you or not and if he is then he needs to step up 

    Tell him what you think would be reasonable for his support and if he cant do that then he needs to tell you 

    Dont just stay with him for sake of it after all if he is no help then there will be no impact on that side 

    You need to think of yourself and your needs and if your relationship can continue 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,725 Disability Gamechanger
    For better or for worse in sickness and in health, just about sums up my opinion on this.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Tj72
    Tj72 Member Posts: 13 Listener
    I’m trying but find my mood is all over the place. He said ( as his ex wife have moved) that he’s saved her two sweeter leather sofa from going to the dump. I don’t know why, but I got angry and said to him” did you keep it as a reminder. He got angry and I just said it’s ok and couldn’t stop crying! I took my pain meds which just make me sleep!!
  • Tj72
    Tj72 Member Posts: 13 Listener
    woodbine said:
    For better or for worse in sickness and in health, just about sums up my opinion on this.
    What me?


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