Dating and relationships
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How do disabled people have sex?

Charlie_NQPCCharlie_NQPC Member Posts: 7 Listener
Content warning: this video might not be suitable for all members. Viewer discretion is advised.

I have been asked this question so many times! Although it can sometimes be offensive, I remember it being something I was very nervous about when I hit my teens.

So my girlfriend and I thought we'd answer the question, not only to cure people's curiosity but also to reassure young people that feel it may be something they will have problems with. 

We can only speak from our own experiences and abilities!

Have you been asked this question? What are your thoughts on it?


Replies

  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,830

    Scope community team

    Thanks for sharing @Charlie_NQPC

    This is a subject that is not talked about anywhere near enough! My partner and I still get asked these questions. It makes meeting new people hilarious.
    Scope
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  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 3,980

    Scope community team

    Thank you for sharing this with us @Charlie_NQPC It's so refreshing to see the topic discussed openly and honestly! Non-disabled people's fascination with this is baffling  :D 

    @SheffieldBloke1976 I know you've mentioned before you'd like to meet someone and I wondered what you thought to trying a dating club, like The Outsiders?  It's absolutely free to join and you would be able to meet lots of new people, some of whom you might find as attractive as the female cast of Neighbours!  What do you think?
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  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 4,989

    Scope community team

    You might like to take a look at luv2meetu too @SheffieldBloke1976. It's a friendship and dating agency, and they have a branch in Sheffield :)
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  • GarzaGarza Member Posts: 130 Pioneering
    really refreshing to see such an open and honest discussing of such a private and often taboo subject 

    I have had both able bodied and disabled partners over time and often with an able bodied partner they are assumed to be either "a friend or a carer  

    I think the default view of many people is that disabled people have sexual urges and needs and hopefully blogs like this will address that misconception
  • Charlie_NQPCCharlie_NQPC Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Thanks for sharing @Charlie_NQPC

    This is a subject that is not talked about anywhere near enough! My partner and I still get asked these questions. It makes meeting new people hilarious.
    Definitely not discussed enough, although it does make an interesting Ice Breaker! 
  • Charlie_NQPCCharlie_NQPC Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Thank you for sharing this with us @Charlie_NQPC It's so refreshing to see the topic discussed openly and honestly! Non-disabled people's fascination with this is baffling  :D 

    @SheffieldBloke1976 I know you've mentioned before you'd like to meet someone and I wondered what you thought to trying a dating club, like The Outsiders?  It's absolutely free to join and you would be able to meet lots of new people, some of whom you might find as attractive as the female cast of Neighbours!  What do you think?
    Thank you Cher, it is what I am to do, sometimes we can be too robotic or careful not to offend and end up tiptoeing around what we want to say. Hence the name - Not Quite Politically Correct. 
  • Charlie_NQPCCharlie_NQPC Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Garza said:
    really refreshing to see such an open and honest discussing of such a private and often taboo subject 

    I have had both able bodied and disabled partners over time and often with an able bodied partner they are assumed to be either "a friend or a carer  

    I think the default view of many people is that disabled people have sexual urges and needs and hopefully blogs like this will address that misconception
    Hi Garza, thank you! Yes it was a big decision for us, but we felt it was important to be open. 

    Definitely, add on top that we're both ginger and no body believe we're together!

    Exactly, we tend to all be put into one box despite the incredible number of varying disabilities.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,324 Disability Gamechanger
    I laugh when people ask how do disabled people have sex there are more than conventional sex I won't go into detail  its the same as gay sex people get asked about that as well  

    My friend is able bodied and her husband lost both his legs in a car accident and they have four children 

    Where there is a will there is a way and its fun finding out with uour partner 
  • Charlie_NQPCCharlie_NQPC Member Posts: 7 Listener
    I laugh when people ask how do disabled people have sex there are more than conventional sex I won't go into detail  its the same as gay sex people get asked about that as well  

    My friend is able bodied and her husband lost both his legs in a car accident and they have four children 

    Where there is a will there is a way and its fun finding out with uour partner 
    Exactly Lisa, you wouldn't ask an able bodied person what positions they use so what makes people think it is okay to ask a disabled person?! 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,324 Disability Gamechanger
    I think people are just ignorant and a bit strange lol and just want to know I know that you have put it on this thread but why should it be any one else's business what people do in their relationship 

    I get asked because even though I have a partner I don't live with him my answer is always ann summers lol 😂 it's a good thread though because the word sex is normaly not talked about 

    Well done for being so brave people don't understand my friend becsuse she is A sexual she can feelings for male or female but doesn't want to have sex she is the oldest Virgin that I personally know but is in a relationship with some one and  has been for 15 years  
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 949 Pioneering
    If someone asked me this, I'd be very, very tempted to say something like, "Well, first we have to set up the sex frame. Then we decide which one of us is going to be the Controller...." ;)
  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Posts: 2,830

    Scope community team

    @Waylay that is funny!  :D
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

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  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,120 Disability Gamechanger
    I am disabled and in a wheelchair I think when people see me being pushed around by my partner they presume he is my carer 

    We just show PDA and soon puts them straight lol 
  • Jean EveleighJean Eveleigh Member Posts: 134 Pioneering
    When out with my able-bodied partner they are assumed to be either "a friend or a carer" more often than not; they were even accused of kidnapping me once or at least sneaking me out of the care home after hours for a nefarious date - it was his birthday and I had chosen, booked and was paying but back to the sex issue we got asked virtually weekly when out in the early days dating (after over a decade together we don't really date anymore) depending on how I felt the answers ranged from "none of your business" to "on my back like a regular woman does" or "why you think you could be in with a chance" to "why you planning on losing your legs tonight"
  • dfs050365dfs050365 Member Posts: 36 Listener
    Sex, what is this sex you talk about. Is it an entitlement and where do I get the forms.
  • davegregson40davegregson40 Member Posts: 81 Pioneering
    Really good piece, I remember when someone recently said to me about they don't see how "disabled people" have sex, unbelievable that some people have a mentality like there are them and us. There are people and relationships at, end of the story. I told this person that I have a registered disability, autism, and OCD and like any disability, it doesn't even come into sex and relationships at all 
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