Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Hi, my name is BazT! I am my Disabled Wifes only Carer

BazTBazT Member Posts: 3 Listener
Hi all, I am my Disabled Wifes only Carer at times I find it so hard to be supportive of her, she try's so hard to be independent, which is fantastic but  so upsetting to me when it reduces her to tears with the effort, to have to stand there while she struggles is heart breaking as i am sure many of you know, but i have to let her try, the question is when do i step in to help? when she fails? or before? its a fine dividing line .
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Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 9,210 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community 

    Sorry to hear about your wife it is a difficult situation 

    Rather than focusing on physical support try and look at emotional support 

    Make sure she knows how you feel and that she only needs to ask when she needs your help 

    It is important for her she tries to do things for herself but that she can identify her limits pushing too hard won't help her 

    Hard one to deal with talk it all through with her 
  • chiariedschiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 8,018 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @BazT - & welcome to the community. It's a difficult question, that perhaps other carers can better answer.
    I wonder if you've been in touch with Carers UK, who can advise & also offer you support. Please see: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support
    I'm pleased you've joined this online community, as we all try & support our members, & you are most welcome to talk here absolutely any time as there's usually someone about. :)
  • BazTBazT Member Posts: 3 Listener
    • Thanks for your replies, We have a very close relationship, she knows how much she means to me ,without her i have nothing, don't get me wrong that doesn't bother me at all, she is the most important thing to me and i always tell her, its just that i feel so helpless , i know that it is so important that people keep their independence, i just find it hard at times . I used to be at work and retired last year, and i suppose lockdown has been hard on everyone, so I'm hoping now the pressure on us all will ease, I'm sure it will. 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 3,391

    Scope community team

    Hi @BazT

    Wow, you sound like such an amazingly loving and supportive husband, and I'm sure your wife appreciates how much you care and look out for her.  It's not easy being a carer and I can imagine leaving work, combined with the pressures of lockdown, has made the past year a challenging one for you.  Try not to be too hard on yourself though, from my perspective you are doing fab.  

    The impact of carer stress is one often overlooked but it's important to recognise times when you need support too.  As @chiarieds suggested, Carers UK are a great organisation who would be able to offer advice and support around your situation.  While you can also visit this NHS 'Support and benefits for carers' information page for insight into benefits and additional money you might be entitled to alleviate just some of the strain. 

    Please let us know how you get on and well done for doing such a wonderful job.  I hope to see more of you around our community :) 
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  • BazTBazT Member Posts: 3 Listener
    thanks for your supportive words, at the moment things are ok, and im sure that now i have some emotional support on here i will be able to at least talk to people in the same sort of situation, i find that unless you have walked a mile in our shoes folk dont understand, its not their fault, but some dont even try do they?
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