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Total Loss

Luchia Member Posts: 45 Connected
Hey everyone

Needing some advice and support as I've had a rather traumatic day, out of the blue I got a message from a family member on Facebook(hardly ever speak to them) telling me my "Dad" wants to meet me.
To give you all a little backstory to make sense of the situation I haven't seen my "Dad" since I was 5 years old.
My parents had split up before I was born and he used to pick me up at weekends to spend a few hours with him but one day I wouldn't let go of the fence because I wanted to take a toy with me and he drove off and never saw or heard from him again.
It wasn't really an issue as my Mum was amazing and I never really noticed or felt left out for not having a dad.
My Mum passed away suddenly 2 years ago so sadly I don't have any immediate family anymore but I've learnt to cope and my partner has been super supportive.
I know my "Dad's" mother passed away very recently which I think that's why the sudden urge to try and make contact, bare is mind she was a HORRIBLE woman, I very rarely speak bad of anyone but she literally was pure evil, she used to lock me and my sister in the cellar when guests came out(My Sister was killed in a Hit n Run when I was 13).
Ive no idea what to do about this at all I suffer with anxiety and depression and this has caused me distress none stop since I got the message earlier today.
My nerves are a total mess as I have no idea what to do and if I should even attempt to meet him.
I know people on the forum can't give me the answer but Im basically reaching out for support and advice,

Really sorry if this is wrong place to ask I just feel like I have no where I can turn to on this, I checked other sections of site and this seemed best place to put the topic.
sorry again for such a horrible post and if against rules please let me know and I will remove it straight away just in a great deal of distress at the moment


  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,915 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    Thus must be a very difficult situation for you u can only imagine 

    It doesn't matter where you post so don't worry over that 

    My advice would be not to rush into anything take your time to process and decide what you want yo do and talk it over with your partner 

    You might want to ask for his contact details so it is you making the decision rather than your dad and I would hope the person who told you will repect your confidence and not pass on your details unless you give them permission 

    Whatever you decide this will be a hard decision , he may have good reason for the desertion but also think of yourself and your anxiety and how this could affect you 

    I an sure there will be some charities or helplines out there that other members can suggest 

    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 2,205 Pioneering
    @Luchia morning, take your time to think it through, about how you feel meeting your dad after a long time. Its great you have a supportive partner. 
    Personally I think that people make choices in life, that may not have been right  choice at the time and he may be feeling regret. If his mom was awful she may of had influence over him. 
    Only you can decide if you want to get in touch, good luck with what you decide.


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