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Do you talk to your neighbours?

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66Mustang
66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,960 Disability Gamechanger
There was a bit of debate on another forum I read about talking to your neighbours. One side says it is normal to exchange pleasantries with your neighbours, even just a "hello"; the other side says, why would you want to talk to your neighbours, you likely share nothing in common except living on the same street.

I'm going to stick my neck out and say I'm in the former camp. I think it is common courtesy to say "hello" or even just nod or smile. I would consider it odd behaviour to pass a neighbour in the street and completely blank them (putting aside genuine reasons like social anxiety) but I'm happy for someone to have an opposing view.

What is your opinion?
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Comments

  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    I agree that it’s perfectly normal to exchange pleasantries with your neighbours. I’m quite good friends with on neighbour, not so much with the other but then she is housebound so I don’t see her much. 

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    I have in the past and had really nice neighbours and had lots chats in garden and stuff 

    But I don't my current neighbours as when I moved in he helped me get sorted doing odd jobs till I realised he was robbing me taken cash,  clothes , food , ipads 

    Had to be him as only me and him in house but I did confront him he didnt admit it . I was daft my word against his and thought he was being kind when he was taking advantage 

    So no I don't talk to neighbours and lessons  learnt I pay for any help now 

  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,099 Disability Gamechanger
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    We have half a dozen immediate neighbours, one of which we fell out with last year (long story) the others are all great and we are good friends with all of them.
    We have others that live on our mobile home site that we are friends with and some we are just on hello etc terms with.

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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,508 Disability Gamechanger
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    Good topic :)

    I tried smiling and saying hello to one of my neighbours for a few months after I moved in, but they totally ignored me. I did return a parcel to them that had accidentally been delivered to our house, but they weren't really up for conversation. I've never even seen my neighbours on the other side! I've said hello to a couple of other people on the street though. 

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  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
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    I have good neighbors that support each other thry do the front lawn when they are doing there's if they have made cakes or anything they bring some round 

    We have had garden parties  pre covid  we had v day celebrations  in the our front gardens  we always speak to each other  the neighbor who lived on one side of me used to do my back lawn until he brought his own house 

    They all rallied round when I was in desperate need  including the landlord that lives at the end of the lane  so I am quite lucky 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 55,587 Disability Gamechanger
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    I have 2 sets of newish neighbours, to the left is a couple that I try to keep things basic, because he wants to know too much , plus he grows weed and sells it to dealers.
    On the right is a big family, who always say hello and ask how we are, when I bump into them. Usually at bins etc. 
    We all respect each other really.
  • BunnyBabs
    BunnyBabs Community member Posts: 13 Connected
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    Always had nice nieghbors until I moved here,Unfortunatly now I live nxt door to a Witch...
    Her voice makes the crows sound like sweet songbirds...Imagine 5 crows crowing in Unison and you're getting close...
    Makes the most innocent things sound pure evil.
    Top it all a total control freak... !!
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,787 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 2021
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    I had a new neighbour move in at the end of last summer...  Pretty sure we have a few things in common, including social anxiety & awkwardness!  :D

    Honestly, I'd rather neighbours didn't speak, I just want to be left alone and get on with whatever I'm doing (emptying bins, carrying shopping etc) but will attempt a reply if any of them speak to me first.  I fully appreciate other people want more human interaction than I do.
  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 621 Pioneering
    edited May 2021
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    Wow! It's definitely a pretty mixed bag when it comes to everybody's interactions with our neighbours. 

    @OverlyAnxious I have to admit I'm in the same camp as you when it comes to my neighbours. Despite the fact that I'm often quite happy speaking to strangers, I always seem to struggle when it comes to my next-door neighbours - strangely!
    But I think I'm a bit like you. I like to be left alone to get on with what I'm doing as well. 

    What about your new neighbour though? It sounds like you might have something in common there? Have you tried having a chat? Or have you got the stage where you're both comfortable just being on nodding terms?

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  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,960 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 2021
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    Thanks for all the responses so far, definitely very mixed.

    @janer1967 I can understand not talking to that neighbour if he stole from you. A question: has that make you stop talking to all neighbours or just him? Would you consider talking to neighbours if you had new ones in future or has that experience damaged your view of people in general?

    @OverlyAnxious I can understand that - I have social anxiety and prefer to not enter into full on conversations, in fact am very uncomfortable doing so, - but I am happy with a "hello" or a smile. If it proceeds on to "how are you" I get nervous. I guess I am a bit weird in that I want to share a simple acknowledgement but don't feel comfortable going into a full conversation (except with a couple of people on the street who know me and my issues well). :D
  • cazza6565
    cazza6565 Community member Posts: 93 Courageous
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    i don't talk to any of my neighbours. i moved here last August and have no idea who even lives next door
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    @66Mustang

    I don't really talk to any neighbours they are not very community spirited round here.  I must admit the experience has made me very untrusting of people now and makes you realise your vulnerability as a disabled person  
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,787 Disability Gamechanger
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    Caz_Scope said:

    What about your new neighbour though? It sounds like you might have something in common there? Have you tried having a chat? Or have you got the stage where you're both comfortable just being on nodding terms?
    We both avoid each other if we see/hear the other leaving or returning.  :D


  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,787 Disability Gamechanger
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    66Mustang said:

    @OverlyAnxious I can understand that - I have social anxiety and prefer to not enter into full on conversations, in fact am very uncomfortable doing so, - but I am happy with a "hello" or a smile. If it proceeds on to "how are you" I get nervous. I guess I am a bit weird in that I want to share a simple acknowledgement but don't feel comfortable going into a full conversation (except with a couple of people on the street who know me and my issues well). :D
    I feel really uncomfortable having to walk near anyone as I never know whether they'll speak, smile or ignore...and I don't have time to plan my response to whatever they do!  If I have to speak, should it be hi?  Hey?  Hello? Alright?  S'up?  (Ok, so I've never used S'up...  :p )  Can't repeat whatever they've said but also need to find something that's appropriate to each individual.

    Then with carpark interactions, chances are you have to pass them again in a few seconds.  I never know the protocol there either...say something different?  Smile?  Ignore?  It's a total minefield!  I generally keep watch out of the windows until the coast is clear.  Can't see the whole car park though so that's not failsafe.


  • BunnyBabs
    BunnyBabs Community member Posts: 13 Connected
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    I totally understand the "pleasantries"aspect...to exchange or not to exchange...I have a daughter that I care for, as well as having my own physical debilitating painful condition..my daughter just hugs EverY 1 !! Then is known to say things that makes me want to be swallowed up whole !! ie. told a Jehovahs witness Lady that we'd invited in 4 a cup of tea and a prayer..That "Your daughter is the Devil "..!! So that nieghbourly cup of tea didn't go down too well...
    Where we used to live I knew all the nieghbors  had seen all the children grow up and shared a lot of good will with them all..I still kept myself to myself.to a degree..but generally I was happy there...I've been here a decade and still dont feel at home..
    Never experienced a bad neighbour b4..I used to wonder "Why dont people just get on' ? I could never understand...Until I landed nxt door to the evil crow !! For the first 3-4yrs , tried to drive me nuts !! I'm a bit stronger than I thought...'cos my marbles are still all there at the last count !! 
    Just ! Maybe there's a few that are in a hard to reach place ,but they're there...!!


  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,960 Disability Gamechanger
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    66Mustang said:

    @OverlyAnxious I can understand that - I have social anxiety and prefer to not enter into full on conversations, in fact am very uncomfortable doing so, - but I am happy with a "hello" or a smile. If it proceeds on to "how are you" I get nervous. I guess I am a bit weird in that I want to share a simple acknowledgement but don't feel comfortable going into a full conversation (except with a couple of people on the street who know me and my issues well). :D
    I feel really uncomfortable having to walk near anyone as I never know whether they'll speak, smile or ignore...and I don't have time to plan my response to whatever they do!  If I have to speak, should it be hi?  Hey?  Hello? Alright?  S'up?  (Ok, so I've never used S'up...  :p )  Can't repeat whatever they've said but also need to find something that's appropriate to each individual.

    Then with carpark interactions, chances are you have to pass them again in a few seconds.  I never know the protocol there either...say something different?  Smile?  Ignore?  It's a total minefield!  I generally keep watch out of the windows until the coast is clear.  Can't see the whole car park though so that's not failsafe.


    I had a similar issue at school age with the greeting everyone used which was "alright?". As it was just a greeting and I wasn't sure whether they were actually asking if I was OK, I never used to know whether I was supposed to say "hello" or "yes thanks" or just say "alright?" myself. Only when I got to about 23ish did I realise it just doesn't matter haha.

    Why can't you repeat what they said, is that an OCD thing or is it just something you don't think you should do? I my be wrong myself but my thinking is if someone said something a bit complex like "good afternoon, lovely day" and you said the exact same thing it might come across as a bit weird but if it's just "hi", "hi" I don't think that's a big issue.

    I know what you mean about meeting people a second time in a short space of time, I feel a bit odd saying "hi" again but feels a bit rude to ignore them so it's an awkward moment.
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,960 Disability Gamechanger
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    @BunnyBabs

    Sorry to hear you have a bad neighbour next door. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions for that one as I am really lucky to have not been in that position. I guess, though, ignoring is the best approach to take based on how you describe her!!!
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,740 Disability Gamechanger
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    @bunnybob You have my empathy too, maybe keeping contact to a minimum as much as possible will make your life easier - I know that can be tricky mind you.  

    The neighbours on my street are a bag of mashings (a mish mash for those outside Yorkshire  :D ).  On one side I have a neighbour who never really goes beyond hello, while on the other side I have an older lady who really likes to talk.  So much so, I can be just nipping to the post box and I'm still waiting to 'break free from the convo' an hour later.  Over lockdown we did her shopping and I think that's built her rapport with us so I don't mind too much and I know she is otherwise quite isolated.  But yes, this street is very Coronation St. - always plenty of drama!
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  • BunnyBabs
    BunnyBabs Community member Posts: 13 Connected
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    I was born in2 a coronation street type place so I can relate..Guess I've gone through life expecting people to be nice..Until this one...
    This is the one exception where Covid has a Silver lining... The neighbour Has to wear a mask..
    .Bliss ,the sky is blue again..
    I almost go out the door in disguise ,mask on ,Sun shades on,hat on, One quick shuffle down the garden path and I'm away in to the get away vehicle...I simply have to avoid..
    I remember that poem 'desiderata'
    "Avoid loud & agressive people they are a vexation to the soul " 
    This poem used to be on posters in every old hippy's dwelling years ago..often pinned up in the Lav !!
    At least I took notice !! 
    Help from thr most unlikely of places  xx
  • Georgiana_Alumni
    Georgiana_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 47 Connected
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    @woodbine

    i am interested in mobile homes can you tell me more if you dont mind, what are they like? I am looking for new place to live and looking at all the options 
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