Am I invisable

Jazzmine

I get so fed up with people who are so rude when I,m sitting in a chair or seat, my disabilities are not visual and because I have no  aides for example wheelchair or crutches they presume I,m ok I have been challenged for parking in disability bay even though I display a blue badge ,do other disabled people suffer  the same intolerance from the public .I do have walking stick but try to only use it on really bad days when I have to use it...

vikingqueen

   Ah just ignore the ignorant you can't change stupid, I have no visible signs of my disability at all, I get the looks and tuts when I use my blue badge and I couldn't care less. My badge was given to me for a reason and it has nothing to do with anyone else... rant over...

Cher_Alumni

Hi @Jazzmine and a warm welcome to our online community

I'm sorry you've experienced these stigmatised views from the public while out and about.  Like you say, when you have a non-visible impairment people tend to jump to assumptions, being oblivious to individual needs and the challenges faced.  You definitely aren't alone though and our members have discussed some of the issues you mention in older threads that you might find interesting, for instance:

• Policing of disabled parking spots - have you ever been questioned?
• "Strangers won't stop touching me" why are some people over-familiar with wheelchair users?

You can visit our 'Disabled people' category to browse others too.  

Please don't let this put you off using your walking stick though, if you find using it helps you be more independent don't wait until those really bad times.  People's opinions can be hurtful but ultimately they are a reflection of ableist beliefs and not you.  

Our community is around 24/7 if you need support from people who 'get it', so please don't hesitate to visit us if you think it would help 

newborn

The thing is, people are rightly defending our spaces for us. Good.  Please try to think of a way to avoid them trying hard on our behalf and then being put in the wrong for it.   Most of us have seen the arrogant unspeakables who perfectly obviously have borrowed mum's badge  or don't even have a badge.
Frankly, if it helps everyone, why not just keep a walking stick in the car to make life calmer for all concerned, after all it won't kill you to take it as far as the trolleys and just get on with your shopping. "I shouldn't have to!" Yes, but the ill-will you get, and the good-will you destroy, won't stay with you.  The public are trying to be public spirited and stop what they think are nasty selfish people with no right to the disabled bays.  They are fighting FOR us, defending our rights against what they think are the baddies. 
YOU know you are not a baddie. They don't.  YOU want them to assume there is no such thing as baddies, and never again challenge, for instance, a builder in his paint-covered overalls, jumping out of his work-van and leaving it in the last disabled bay, or the over-entitled driver of an expensive car, who thinks that along with the car,  they have bought rights to do anything they like on the road or in disabled bays.  . WE know perfectly well there are baddies, and we should be glad the general public are on our side.  Keep the 'white lie' walking stick, make it easy for them,  for you, for the rest of us.
Think of someone who offers a seat, trying to do the right thing, in a spirit of good-will to what he thinks is a disabled, or a senior, or a pregnant lady.  If you were the person being offered the seat, I expect you would accept graciously or else smilingly thank appreciatively, explaining that you "have been sitting down for hours and need to get your circulation going" or some such.  A little white lie, but that must be better than, in effect, smacking them in the face for trying to be nice, and angrily bawling them out for daring to try to be polite when you happen not to need to sit down, so you are all enraged and highly insulted. You wouldn't  indulge yourself with getting indignant.  The goodwill you would squander would mean the next person who really does need a seat will not be offered one, not after a brutal training course on the dangers of being public spirited!
Some people get furious because people hold open doors for them.  "I don't NEED any help" they angrily say.  I have seen them on Scope and elsewhere, full of annoyance because they believe they are being insulted or patronised.  No. They were being offered kindness, politeness, courtesy.   Their anger will mean one less person who will ever again offer to hold open a door for me. And I DO need help.  They have spoilt things  for others, by not going to that little bit of trouble and thanking effusively even though they were only  enduring, not enjoying,  the holding-open.    

OverlyAnxious

Who said that? 


I don't believe most people are selflessly defending the disabled bays...  They just want someone to take out their anger on and get a kick out of the superiority.  Even if you produce a badge they aren't satisfied.

You mention people borrowing a relatives badge...how can you possibly know?  And how do you know the relative isn't in the shop/supermarket/hospital/optician waiting to get picked up?  I regularly used to drop my Nan off and run a few errands before returning to collect her again.

I do understand the point of view that there is badge misuse about, but I strongly suspect it's a lot less than people think.  In the same way as there are far fewer false claiming 'scroungers' about than the media & the locals would have you believe.  Due to the number of people with hidden disabilities, and the fact that we all try to put up the façade in public, I really think the benefit of the doubt should be given here.  If there's no badge displayed then politely mention it to them...maybe they've just forgotten...  If they admit they don't have one, then kindly explain why the spaces are important to those that do.

Caz_Alumni

Welcome to the online community @Jazzmine! It's great to have you with us. Thanks for your first post. You've started a really important and valuable conversation. And as you can see, you've managed to get a bit of a debate going here.

I've just been catching up on this thread and having a read of the different comments myself. From my own perspective, what I find quite interesting is that we start off with Jazzmine's point about people being 'rude' and we end up with @OverlyAnxious' post about trying to have a 'polite' conversation when things go wrong. 

I know it's not as simple as this. But I think these issues often just boil down to a lack of respect for others in general?

Lisatho11987777

I am forever getting told off for parking in a disabled spot I just say now I have a badge that says I can  people have lack of understanding when they can't see your disability 

I have reaky bad days but people can't see the pain and how worn out your body feels and uou can't eat but you just try and get through the day I have lupus 

In work its not so bad as I work on my own I can do things at my own pace  I nirmaly do the harder things first because they take longer  customers can't tell because I am chatty I have a mask on  so I have learnt to live with it and glad that  I have insight and empathy and not ignorant 

I am an extrovert though lol you can't not notice me ha ha ?

chiarieds

It seems, on the whole, I have been met, not necessarily with understanding, but some sympathy, as I normally use elbow crutches when I go anywhere. I usually get, 'what have you broken?' by taxi drivers, even tho I'm an older person; one of the perks of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome in that you can look younger than your age!

I've also gone on short shopping trips both with, & without my elbow crutches, having parked in a disabled bay, & never had any adverse comments there either. Perhaps I'm lucky, but you don't have to justify yourself to anyone @Jazzmine - & just use your walking stick as & when you want to.