Mental health issues
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.

I never was promised a rose garden but life has been far harder than i ever thought possible.

Roddy123Roddy123 Member Posts: 9 Connected
edited July 1 in Mental health issues
I am Roddy who has always been on the sidelines looking in ,but now i feel i should introduced myself better.
My mental health has always been an absolute burden,but i had the most devoted partner David who always cajoled me out of my depression,he was my rock,but 18 months ago he died after a long illness with Dementia,and for almost 5 long years i nursed him at home,but now having to manage alone i have found it increasingly difficult,and yet somehow i have managed the strength to keep going,even though at times i wanted it all to end.
I think to suddenly be living alone has been something i never envisaged,but it happens,and i have to keep going as i know David would want me too,and i hope he would be proud of me.
Without going into to much,i do in fact now have a lot of responsibility,i am now managing things which i never thought i could,but i do believe a power greater than mine has helped me through,I still get exhausted and full of self doubt but i must get through all the barriers if i want a happy and meaningful life.And to anyone reading this,please never give up,you can get through the most difficult of trauma,if i can do it,anyone can.

Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,201 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome from the sidelines 

    I am sorry for your loss and tho different circumstances I found myself living alone totally unexpected 

    These challenges make us stronger 

    We are always around for support and a friendly chat 
  • Sandy_123Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,538 Pioneering
    Hi @Roddy im sorry you lost David, a difficult time for you. Did you have any counciling for bereavement? 
    I'm sure he would be proud of you, it's difficult to suddenly find yourself  alone and having to cope. 
    Are you getting support for your mental health? 
    Its nice to see you posting on the forum and join in with any topics.
  • chiariedschiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 9,162 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Roddy123 - both welcome to the community, & thank you for your very thoughtful first post. I'm sorry to read about you losing David, but hope you can now remember him as the great person he was. We lost our youngest daughter aged 23 months & life took a very different path to that I'd imagined, so understand you feeling the same. Of course David would only want the best for you, so, altho it's incredibly difficult, you continue because of how much he mattered to you, & how much he would wish for you. We never lose our dear ones you know as we carry them forever in our hearts, & I'm sure David continues to be proud of you. My best wishes Roddy.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,144

    Scope community team

    Hello @Roddy123

    Welcome to the community, delighted that you've posted and it's great to see you here :) 

    So sorry to hear about the loss of David, he clearly meant a lot to you and I'm sure he'd be proud of how well you are managing and your positive attitude that is evident here. Did you receive any support for your grief following his passing? It clearly was a very challenging time in your life and I hope you were able to get through it and recover.

    Your mental health is something you touch on in your post, do you receive support to manage it? Is your GP aware of how you feel?

    You do seem to be in a better place at the minute which is lovely, but I'm concerned to read that at one point you felt as though you wanted everything to end. Are those emotions ever ones that you feel these days? Remember, you can always access services such as Samaritans and Shout if you want to speak with somebody, and Mind have a lot of helpful information on their website.
    Online Community Coordinator

    Talk to our chatbot and give us feedback on the community.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,020

    Scope community team

    Hi @Roddy123 :) I just wanted to check-in to see how you were getting on. How have things been since you made this post last week? 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,484 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm truly sorry for your loss dementia is an awful condition. my mother in law is at the end stage of her life with it.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 41 Connected
    @Roddy123, you sound a strong person but if you ever need us, you know where to come.
    I hope you are keeping well.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,343 Disability Gamechanger
    My mum has dementia and from July she will be liveing with me hope that I cope as well as you have @woodbine how is your mother in law doing 
  • Roddy123Roddy123 Member Posts: 9 Connected
    Thankyou all for your kind comments and support,it means a lot.And in answer to Sandy123....yes i am still having councilling from my phycologist at the local mental health team,indeed for almost 2 years now,and they have been amazing.
    I still struggle daily and sometimes,when nothing goes right,i feel the world is against me,and it does appear that very little is going right,however i plod on and do what i can do.
    I have had a terrible few weeks,where me/cfs has returned with a vengeance,and i guess that is due to my continuing work load,unfortunately only I can do most of it.
    Luckily,i still have faith that things will improve and my sense of humour is still intact for without humour we are lost.
    Thank you all again.
  • shazzawoodshazzawood Member Posts: 25 Connected
    Hello roddy..even though you are going through so much at the moment you have actually gave me a memory of one of my late mom's favorite songs (passed away frrom a rare cancer)which I have just played (rose garden) so thankyou for that you have made my day.i think the same as you about sence of humour as long as we have that still it's not all that bad..sorry about your loss and your going through a bad time ..but thankyou for the memory you made me smile today..
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,020

    Scope community team

    Hi @Roddy123 :) When you mention your workload, is that for a job that you have, or do you mean workload at home? 

    I'm glad that you've been benefiting from some counselling for a while now, and that they've been able to offer some good support for you. Have you been able to be open about the struggles you've been facing more recently? 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • Roddy123Roddy123 Member Posts: 9 Connected
    Tori.......it is business workload,..trying to hold it altogether is exhausting.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,020

    Scope community team

    Have you ever looked into getting some reasonable adjustments at work @Roddy123? I know not everyone feels able to be open about their conditions at work, but it could be worth having a chat with someone at work about the added stresses you've been experiencing. Is there an HR department, or someone else such as a line manager, at work who you'd feel comfortable chatting to?

    If not, have you tried any techniques to help you deal with your workload? It can feel overwhelming, but small things like having an up-to-date to-do list or having a robust process for prioritising tasks can really help.

    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,020

    Scope community team

    Hi @Roddy123 :) How have you been getting on recently? 
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
Sign in or join us to comment.