Is there anyone else like me? I've never come accross anyone similar to me

We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

rubin16

Hi, I'm just wondering if there is anyone similar out there to myself that struggles as much as I do throughout life?

I have autism and struggle day to day with it, the only way I will socialise is online though games or chats. I don't like to talk to meet anyone and get from anxious when forced to do so which sets off my other illness's and I become very poorly. So most times I just stay locked in my room with my computer for company. I don't go out much and when I do I only go out to visit my family members for which I get a lift there and back from my step-dad.

I tried recently to have a job but this caused too much anxiety and stress on me, which has set off my illness and now I am really poorly again and in pain most days. I have sensativity's to noise and can have a melt down if the environment is too noisy or crowded. I have a general fear of going out incase anyone talks to me or tries to interact with me and the only way I can go shop is if I'm accompanied and I plan out exactly what I want, and know where it is in the shop, if its missing or moved I will freak out and panic.

I have to have a routine and will do pretty much the same thing at certain times, and have set days of doing stuff again I will get upset if this broken, the only thing that helps with this is if I gear up far in advance for something and plan it throughly beforehand so anything spontionous I hate and will freak out.

I tend to take things literally and don't understand sarcasm or jokes and have a very one way sided view of looking at things which has made me lose friends, and I have a problem reaching out or contacting people. I'm not one for messaging people first and it takes someone to message or phone me before I will try to contact them which again has lost me friends in the past. I will only speak to people I already know like family or my care coordinator, but will ignore spontanious calls from anywhere else.

Family tell me also that I am very cold, I don't understand emotion or don't read peoples emotions so I laugh when I'm meant to be sad, or get very sad and angry when I'm meant to be happy. I also don't always initally pick up that a person is upset or hurting unless prompted and don't know how to repond to it.

Is there anyone else like this or similar?

GhostInTheMachine

Hi rubinheath16,

I have not posted here before, but often read the discussions. I have only recently been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy after almost a lifetime of unexplained condition. I'm just happy that I can now officially say what's wrong with me instead of long explanation and worrying. 

In any case, I wanted to post to you, hoping that it will help, but if not, just something to read. 

I have not been for an assessment for Autism, but I can very much relate with what you are saying. Some examples of mine: Didn't talk until starting school, and not at all at school. Never seeked out friendships, but when I had one, would not pay attention to them, not reply to messages or answer calls. Hated anything social and would even on occasions cry if I had to go to a party. Everything had to be the same everyday, even what I ate. Incredibly anxious being in a room with more than one person, going anywhere and crowds makes me want to faint etc. Also, I've been told I am cold by family too But have also said they know that deep down I care very much, I just don't express it. I think in my mind, people should just know what I think.. I felt very upset, frustrated, hurt and alone when I was a younger, but things did become easier and now all makes sense to me.

I wanted to post to you to maybe help say how I managed it and now feel have a very happy life. Over time, I have just accepted how I am and don't feel I need to change it (not even at first thinking it could possibly be autism, just me being anti social). In time one or two friends did stick around and accepted me like this too - years might go by without any contact, but then they are as warm and kind to me as always - they just know how I am. I have found it therapeutic to game and I think it is good for a person, especially someone who doesn't interact with the outside world much - it is a way to relax and express yourself. Work has also sorted itself for me - I've decided to go creative as I only want to work by myself and have been working from home for many years - and been doing well. I don't go the the shops to avoid crowds, but can easily buy what I need online. I'm now also married to someone who has happily accepted that they don't always get me and I not them and who knows when to leave me alone in my space.

I'm anxious now still and I don't know if I'm saying the right things, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and what feels like a struggle will become easier. Don't be tough on yourself and do the things you enjoy, avoid the things you don't, family and friends will be there.