Parents, carers and disabled parents
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It’s only least it’s nothing worse…

CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 37 Connected
My adult daughter has been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD and anxiety. 

On telling friends or anyone who knows us it’s like we are saying she’s got a bad cold or something…almost nothing to worry about…

Its been very much the opposite with her being unable to work, short term memory, not been able to focus, can’t answer the home telephone or the front door (anxiety) basically lives in her bedroom apart from twice a week when either myself or my OH take her and the dogs out.

Has anyone else experienced this? I really did expect some understanding but now say very little about my daughter to then.


  • CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 37 Connected
    *to them. 

    Sorry, end of rant.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,097

    Scope community team

    Good morning @CoffeeFirst

    I hope you are doing okay today, sorry to hear that some people aren't being very understanding of your situation, that sounds very hard. Have you attempted to explain in detail to your friends exactly what your daughter is going through and how it impacts her?

    Anyway, how is your daughter? Is she receiving support from her GP to manage her conditions and symptoms? 
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  • CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 37 Connected
    Hi Ross, 

    It was a couple of friends in particular who I’ve struggled with. I did try to explain my daughter’s difficulties but felt dismissed as if it was all so trivial. I now no longer talk about her and they’ve not asked me either. 

    She is okay but alongside the ADHD suffers with social anxiety. I worry for the future but just try to take one day at a time. She is currently under a Psychologist but has a talking therapy treatment next week. I’m not entirely sure how this will go. 

    Thanks so much for replying to my post, as just talking here helps me so much.
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 4,959

    Scope community team

    I hope that the talking therapy goes well for her @CoffeeFirst. It can take a while to work, and you might not see any changes right away, but fingers crossed it'll help her to manage a little better.

    Unfortunately, ADHD is still seen as something only children can have, and as something that just means you can't sit still. Of course it runs much deeper than that, and can affect people's lives in quite a few different ways as you've outlined. 

    I know some adults with ADHD who won't tell people they have ADHD straight away but rather say that they have issues with executive functioning, or struggle with [insert specific issue], for example. This makes some people take it more seriously, and demonstrates the reality of some of the difficulties that adults with ADHD face. Of course, ideally people would take ADHD more seriously instead!

    I'm not sure if there are any groups out there for parents of adult children with ADHD. Have you had a look to see if there are? 
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  • CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 37 Connected
    @Tori_Scope, she had her first one today and has been told she will receive four in total..bit gutted as it seems too short a time to me. She’s desperate for a part time job but is struggling to find anything at the moment. Also her self esteem can be rather low and she feels the ADHD drags her back in comparison to others. 
    It can feel like going round in circles sometimes with her but the fact she went to the therapist today was at least a positive step. 
    I’ve not looked to see if there are groups but it’s on my To Do list 😀
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,032 Disability Gamechanger
    I don't have ADHD but I have similar experiences with people I tell not understanding how my conditions affect me, and that they don't affect me in the same way as some other person they know who has the same condition.

    Also, what I have found is that my condition (autism) seems to be a fashionable (for want of a better word) diagnosis that is thrown about all over the place these days and I fear that ADHD is the same. I'm not doubting that your daughter suffers badly - what I'm saying is that the fact everyone is diagnosed with these conditions these days makes it harder for those of us like myself and your daughter who seriously suffer from the condition to get across how badly it affects us. When you tell someone they say "I know ___ with the same condition and they are doing OK so you must be fine too".

    Like you I tend not to tell people about my issues unless it is absolutely necessary.

    I hope this makes a bit of sense.

    Sorry that I don't have any tips, just wanted to highlight that I have experienced it as well.
  • CoffeeFirstCoffeeFirst Member Posts: 37 Connected
    @66Mustang, makes perfect sense, that is exactly it! 

    I now no longer share this information for the very same reasons. Sorry you can relate too but thanks for your reply 😀
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