Life is'nt easy whether disabled or with a hidden illness

Roddy123

I have suffered with anxiety ,stress,worry,all my life,plus ME/CFS and now living alone those conditions have magnified.
People see me as the person of fun and jollity but its all a front and i'm hurting.
Every day i am confronted with things to deal with,things i cannot put off for another day.
After living with my soulmate for 30 years,and now finding myself living alone,the days become unreachable,and untenable.
Maybe i depended on my partner David far to much,but anything that worried me he would put right,he was an extraordinary man,and i miss him far more than i can say.
Sometimes now,i feel tremendous guilt that i was not a better partner,and until i was looking through his personal papers i had no idea what i had put him through,he never once let me down or critisized me,he was a one off ,and i am so blessed that he came into my life,and it was at a very bad time...was i selfish,was i uncaring,was i not considerate enough,this now weighs heavily on me to the point where i have little interest in the future.
Until now i was house proud to a degree that i was obsessive,but now i just dont care,i let everything slide,and thats not like me at all.
I just dont know whats wrong with me,except grief is a terrible thing.

janer1967

Hi sorry you feel like this 

It is grieving process and it takes a massive toll on your life 

The feelings you describe are normal when someone has lost their  rock 

You will have been a wonderful partner to David and caring for you will have given him purpose and great satisfaction 

Have you spoken to your gp or any bereavement counselling 

chiarieds

Hi @Roddy123 - it's good to hear from you again, but I'm sorry things seem so understandably difficult since losing David. Would it be possible to make some small beginnings in getting things sorted that you mention need doing? Perhaps begin by making a list of the things that need attending to, then try to do one each day, or over a couple of days even.

Yes, grief is a terrible thing, but only because you have loved so much, & been loved in return. Hold onto that. Take care.