Why Am I Like This.. none sympathy question — Scope | Disability forum
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Why Am I Like This.. none sympathy question

oldngrumpy Member Posts: 186 Pioneering
Firstly I am a bit Paranoid on what folks might think when you read the following.

I have always found it difficult to find a girl, and if/also maintain a relationship.
I haven't been out with a girl for years, this is my choice. I will explain why later.
I am fifty three years young. And not married neither in a relationship. And never have been.
Ten years ago I was out looking.... but I couldn't find her.  I have had several opportunities, three women asked me out.
Do you want to join me for a drink. I didn't answer them, but just continued on with a change of subject

Some folks might be thinking why I'm not with a girl? I  have mood swings.  And I am/this makes me hard work.  For me to live with myself. It's hard work.
I have mild learning problems. I get embarrassed when, or if, I was with a girl. If I couldn't do a certain task.
Now here is the question....

I have no interest whatsoever in women.
And I will quickly add nor with men.

Is it "normal" to be/feel like this

Saying this if the right girl came along and we clicked I would take the opportunity.

So I repeat the question...
Is it normal to be not interested in the opposite sex.
Thank you 



  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Member Posts: 7,432 Disability Gamechanger
    I’m also not “interested” in the opposite sex (or the same sex (or any sex)).

    I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” as most people are interested, but I guess, what is “normal”?

    But you are definitely not the only one, lots of people are the same.

    I notice you say if the “right girl came along” you would take the opportunity. Just wondering but what if someone perfect came along who was male? Regardless, I wouldn’t try to force anything just because society expects you to. Just do what makes you happy. 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 16,533 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there and welcome to the community 

    You are not on your own lots of people feel the same 

    The older you get you are more used to your own space 

    I have been married and divorce 3 times and now happy being single 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,779 Disability Gamechanger
    I feel lucky having been in the same relationship for almost 42 years and married to the same wonderful person for nearly 40 years now.
    But I do get it that what's been good for me isn't the choice for everybody, I don't believe there is any such thing as "normal" only what is right for each of us as individuals.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • RDani
    RDani Member Posts: 17 Connected

    It is perfectly normal, I would encourage you to read up on asexuality and the asexual spectrum; to put the spectrum into a few words - In the Asexuality spectrum some people experience no sexual attraction, others experience a little sexual attraction, and others experience a lot of sexual attraction. Greysexual people rarely experience sexual attraction, or they experience it with a very low intensity.

    I discovered I was on this spectrum after getting to the age of 25 (am now 40) never having had a relationship of any kind nor caring to.  People in my age range were obsessed with sex and I thought to myself I really should check what all the fuss is about.

    Long story short after nearly a year of multiple encounters that I pushed myself into, I realised this 'scene' bored me senseless, made me feel quite uncomfortable and I looked into why. 

    You are fine, learn to be comfortable in yourself and realise you don't have to fit into any pigeon holes.  Find what makes you happy.

  • oldngrumpy
    oldngrumpy Member Posts: 186 Pioneering
    This is interesting. Thank you
  • MrsG1975
    MrsG1975 Member Posts: 10 Listener
    Hi. I personally think that normal is what makes you happy. You don't need to 'be' anything just because society dictates. I had a bad experience with my last partner and haven't been with anyone since. 9 years. I have no real desire to be with anyone either to be honest. But like you said, if that person came along, and nothing was forced, then maybe it will happen. 
  • dave392
    dave392 Member Posts: 42 Courageous
    What is normal in this day and age,what is normal too one is not normal to another.life is full of weird and wonderful things so just go with the flow and enjoy what you can, tomorrow is new day which never comes as tomorrow will always be tomorrow stay happy stay smiling ????
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Member Posts: 5,791 Disability Gamechanger
    Define normal 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 9,696 Scope online community team
    Hi @oldngrumpy :) Just to let you know, I've moved your post into our dating and relationships category.

    As the others have said, it's completely fine not to feel a particular attraction to other people. It's also fine if you do end up feeling attracted to someone one day. There are lots of factors involved, and it's certainly not anything to worry about.
    Online Community Coordinator, she/her

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