Not working

Duninn

I’ve never been unemployed before but at 58 I am now and I feel so guilty!  I have Secondary Progressive MS and scared nobody believes how bad I feel and will look at me and think I’m making it all up.  I’m waiting ESA assessment - I want to work but cannot guarantee I can be depended on - every hour, every day is different yet the same!  I gave up nursing after 30yrs when I couldn’t give injections, taking bloods, taking pulses and I was a danger to have in your team if ‘it kicked off’.  Was so fatigued at times I could feel my mind drift and my eyes getting heavy halfway through a psychotherapeutic session - when a patient said ‘are you alright nurse?’ I knew I had to resign - that was 7yrs ago now.  I kept my job as Councillor going until this year after 18yrs - there were three of us to share the work.  Meetings included Scrutiny Panels happened every month and lasted two hours and we only had to be on two, Planning,  Licensing Panel, Equality Diversity Children Panels we’re again monthly but they could last from 1hr - 6hrs, Full Council happened bi-monthly School Governor was quarterly, Community Committee was every 6wks and it’s Environmental sub Group and Highways Transportation Sub Group monthly. The on top of this you had to attend Ward Meetings, Constituency, Campaign Meetings - mthly evenings, Residents Group Meetings monthly and ‘on request’ .  With every meeting there was paper work to read - anything up to 300 pages for any one of them. I’m not sharing this to show I was a busy politician but I was and I realised in the end I wasn’t able to give 100% anymore.  I just had to stop to hit the brick wall and realise I was running on empty.  Now I don’t feel able to do a third of this, if any. I can’t hold a pen, I can’t write, I get really **** of when I drop my beers and just have to watch the bottle drain away.  My husband is now my carer - the romance of it’ll!  I’ve got a good life, we’ve both worked for it but I’m stuck and can’t move from the paranoia that my assessor will look at me and assess me a time waster, a dead beat that needs to go back to work no matter what, how, where, when.  I just needed to write all this down…..and phew ai can breath!

leeCal

Hi, sorry to read of all your troubles, I hope things work out for you. Best wishes.

Sandy_123

@Duninn write away,  get it off your chest. Try not to worry what others think, if at any time an assessment is negative, in future assessments, then it can be addressed. For now all is ok

woodbine

@Duninn you are in the right place to let off steam, non of us on here will judge you ever.
At 58 it sounds like you have done more than your share, so what if you can't carry on? I had to stop work at 38 and o.k it took some adjusting to but my attitude now is health before wealth.
At 38 my mrs became my carer and that took some getting used to but we worked it out.
If you ever need to just let off some steam remember we are here for you !