Disability and sexuality

RyanMason

Most people are sexual beings, and have sexual thoughts, attitudes, feelings, desires, and fantasies. Having a physical or intellectual disability doesn’t change your sexuality and your desire to express it – or the emotions that can go with it. In fact, the World Health Organization says sexuality is a basic need and aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspects of life. 

If your disability impairs your physical ability to engage in a regular sex life, or makes you lack confidence, you may feel worried about having sex. Lots of people – with or without disability – have anxiety about sex and sexual performance, and these feelings are completely natural. 

Concerns you may have about sex 

Your disability may affect your ability to have the sex life you would like – you may have to approach sexual activity differently, and you may have questions and concerns relating to your physical or emotional health. For example, you may feel:

• concerned about finding a partner 
• concerned about whether your partner will find you attractive
• a lack of confidence about your sexual abilities or performance
• concerned about how your body moves or works
• anxiety over your partner’s feelings about you
• concern over pain during sexual activity
• less energy and desire for sex
• concerned about whether you can have children
• worried about what others will think, and about discrimination.

It’s natural to feel frustrated about the effects of your disability on your sex life. It may help to try to understand that you and your partner may have to approach sex differently and find new or different ways to satisfy each other. But if your feelings about your disability and its effects on your sex life feel overwhelming, you may like to talk to your healthcare professional.

If talking to your healthcare professional about sex makes you embarrassed or afraid, remember, sex is a completely natural subject and your healthcare professional should be used to being asked questions about it. 

Your healthcare professional can advise you on your unique situation – like whether you need relationship counselling or an aid or device, or ways to support your body during sex. If your healthcare professional can’t help, they may be able to refer you to a specialist who can answer your questions and allay your fears.