Hi, my name is Nannajune!

Nannajune

I have a hidden disavilty  I feel so isolated and lonely, I don't receive any help. Everyday is a struggle. The struggle is so bad that I don't want to be around anymore. Last week I went to do one thing, only the police took me home, I feel so isolated. I can not walk from my front room up the stairs, it's to much of a struggle. I wake up every morning, I ask myself why I woke up again. I don't want to wake up. It's another day of struggle when I wake up, I love with 24/7 chronic pain. Pain that I've had enough off.if I didn't wake up then I won't be in pain and it won't be a.struggle. I need advice in how to stay asleep quietly. With no one able to notice. I have tryed the other way by making a mistake telling my daughter I've had off a struggle, I'm going now plz leave me be. Take care of my dog and parrot. Only I was taken home by the police. They looked at the cctv and watched me drive to where I was planning to end the struggle. Only I was not quick enough tgwg caught me seconds before my. Struggle was anojt. To end. Why can't they just. Leave me end the. Struggle.  I are so isolated lonely, and mentally physically tired of a every day struggle. X

ZoeD1975

I know your pain on a daily basis try to keep going 

cozyplants

Hi @Nannajune, I'm so very ssorry you're having such a difficult time. Unfortunately I can very much relate to your feelings of not wanting to be around anymore, and struggling with living in constant pain. I wish there was something I could say to make this all better for you.

If you don't mind, I'd like to share a little bit of my experiences with you. I'm 17. At 11, my mental health took quite a turn and then again at 14. I have attempted to end my life eight times between the ages of 14 and 17. It sounds cliche when people say 'it gets better' and I know I can't tell what your future will look like, but I can tell you this; I am grateful to be alive today. I still struggle, i won't lie! I still have times that I find it so difficult to fight with my thoughts, the ones thart ask 'what's the point?' 'I'm tired of this' and 'I can't live like this'. I'm not better, not completely, but I'm getting there. I truly think the most beautiful thing I have seen is my journey to recovery. Things have got better. I can recall times I sobbed at the sight of snow, because I got to see it again, even when I didn't think I would. I have met such wondeful people, who have impacted my life far more than they know. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this; I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now, but I can tell you there there are always such beautiful things to see and experience. Maybe you don't think so right now, but how will you know if you don't make it through this? I know it's so, so hard for you to just exist right now. I am beyond proud of you for just being here today. I am beyond proud of you for posting this, because that shows at least part of you knows that it's worth holding on. 

I wonder if you are in contact with a mental health team? My past psychologist was the person that helped me learn to help myself, and pulled me out of the black hole I was in. Getting some support from mental health professionals can be so, so helpful and they can offer their professional advice to help you. There might also be charities near you that can offer peer support. Or even social groups that are accessible/online so you can feel a bit less lonely. 

I know I have written a lot here, and please don't feel any pressure to respond if you're not up to it. But I hope something I've written makes you feel heard, and maybe helps you feel a little bit more optimistic. If there's anything you want to ask, or anything I can help with (even just a chat) let me know. You take care x

chiarieds

Hi @Nannajune - thank you for joining this friendly & supportive community, & for saying how you're feeling. Yes, chronic pain all the time is so difficult to cope with, yet there are some things that do help. I speak as someone that has chronic pain on a daily basis.

I'm pleased you have joined us all, as many, myself included, have a hidden/invisible disability. You're not alone, as so many here will understand what you're going through. The pandemic has made even more people feel isolated & lonely, & many have joined this community exactly because of that; you will find so much understanding here. You are no longer alone; remember that.

For now, please ring 999 if you feel at immediate risk, or go to your local A & E.

You can also ring the Samaritans at absolutely any time on 116 123 you can also email to jo@samaritans.org    Please see: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

There is help out there, & you should also let your GP know how you feel, as I'm sure they'll be able to advise. Let your GP share your struggles, & everyone here will support you too. Take care.

Ross_Alumni

Good morning @Nannajune

Welcome to Scope's online community, you are a member who we massively appreciate and I'm glad you've joined us.

You mentioned that you have previously attempted suicide, and that you still feel as though you want to harm yourself and don't want to be around anymore. I'm sorry to hear this, and it's a shame to hear that you don't receive any support for your condition, and the pain you feel.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at jo@samaritans.org. You can also contact the Shout service by texting "Shout" to 85258.
  
You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself. And they also offer some useful coping techniques for the times where things feel as though they're getting on top of you.

  
If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away. You have been very brave in talking about what must be a very difficult thing to speak about, but often speaking out about how you feel can be the first step towards receiving help.

Have you been in contact with your GP or specialist at all about your mental health and your condition? It appears as though your pain is impacting you greatly so I wonder if you would benefit from receiving help to manage it? Furthermore, your GP may be able to advise on where you can access support to manage your mental health.

I have sent you an email from community@scope.org.uk with further information, do give it a read and get back to us. 

Sarahosullivan

Hi @Nannajune..I'm sorry for your struggle I have to take I second at a time then 1 minute at a time  then 1 hour and so on.. I feel the same everyday is a struggle i was OK one day drinking dancing messing about. And I think I used to be really funny so I said to my consultanted..but  woke up 1 day last year  with small fiber neuropathy..now I have so bad depressionwith it  Hang in there lots of love xx