Nervous

66Mustang
66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
in Coffee lounge
We have a family member coming to stay for several days and I am getting really nervous about it. 

This family member is elderly and they can get quite cantankerous and grumpy and this really impacts on me. Any kind of conflict or argument or disagreement etc. really affects me and makes me upset.

I know that this person can’t harm me physically and I’m safe and with other family members who care about me (and this family member also cares about me deep down) so I don’t really need to be nervous, but I still am.

I just wanted to share this as it makes me feel a bit better for some reason and to ask if anyone else has any other advice?

Thanks

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    Hi there 

    I understand how this makes you feel and hope it is a pleasant visit 

    If you start to feel uncomfortable try and take yourself away from the situation out of the way if possible 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,924 Championing
    Hi @66Mustang, 

    Thanks for your post. Sorry to hear you feel nervous about having a family member stay with you. I can understand because I do not like conflict either. I am glad writing about your feelings helps you to feel better. In terms of advice, I would suggest getting involved in shared activities that you all enjoy, spending time with this family member when other family members are also present and having boundaries by going to your own space if you feel you need that separation and relaxed time. Does this help? Do any of our community members have any other ideas based on their own similar experiences?  :)
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    Hi @janer1967, thank you for the reply.

    Yes fortunately it is them coming to our house and not vice versa so at least I have a bedroom to “escape” to if needed.

    Hopefully it turns out to be a nice few days
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    Thanks @L_Volunteer for the reply and suggestions. Yes - they are all good ideas. :)

    I’m glad in a way to hear I’m not the only one to not like conflict but sorry to hear you don’t like it.
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,924 Championing
    Hi @66Mustang, 

    You are more than welcome. I hope the suggestions help you to enjoy your time with your family  :) Please remember, you are never alone and you can always get involved in Scope's discussions if you want someone to talk to! 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,061 Championing
    Good luck @66Mustang might go better then u expect, 2 days will go by quickly
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    Thanks @Sandy_123 it’s actually for 5 days but yeah hopefully it will go better than I worry about. Day 1 almost over anyway and wasn’t too bad, a bit of stress but nothing too bad :)
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    edited September 2021
    Thanks @woodbine, yes I agree
  • Cress
    Cress Community member Posts: 1,005 Trailblazing
    Hope it's going OK @mustang67
    Al least in your own home you can withdraw to your own room if it gets too much...

    I start getting fidgety and stressed if I have to spend more then an hour with anyone.
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    Thanks @Cress. I think I know how you feel. I don’t like being alone all of the time but I do like my own company quite a lot and when I’m with others I prefer it to be in short bursts. 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,924 Championing
    It is great to hear that many of our community members recognise their own boundaries and needs and solutions for managing these! Well done all  :) Has anyone else got any thoughts they would like to share?
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    Well they have gone now, it went mostly well :)

    Thank you to everyone for the support
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 58,061 Championing
    There you go all sorted
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,924 Championing
    Hi @66Mustang, 

    I am really glad to hear it went mostly well for you! Also glad to hear we managed to support you as I know you were feeling worried. Was there a particular highlight of spending time with your family that you would like to share with us?  :)
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,985 Championing
    @L_Volunteer

    Thanks for coming back :) I really appreciate the support and hope to do the same for others if they ever need the same.

    As for a “highlight”…Hmm…I want to say that this family member despite the grumpiness is incredibly generous. They have recently helped my brother out with a significant purchase and they whispered to me at the dinner table that they want to do the same for me so I’m “in credit” with them by a very nice amount…A bit of a materialistic highlight but it’s really reassuring to know I have a nest-egg of sorts if I ever need something.

    The best highlight though was that it was a different family member’s birthday and they had a really nice time. We drank lots of Prosecco (I’m afraid I didn’t stick to my 2 units of alcohol a day over the weekend, but in my defence I chose to give up excess drinking alone - I still drink with the family on special occasions :smile:) and ate lots of cake and had some really nice meals. :)
  • snailpace
    snailpace Community member Posts: 66 Contributor
    @66Mustang, I totally understand how you are feeling. Any kind of change really has a big affect on me. What I used to do when I lived at home and I felt like I wasn’t coping, was to take myself up to my bedroom ?

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