I'd like support in dealing with exclusion by friends when activities are inaccessible

Maria65

I'm here because Id like support in dealing with exclusion by friends when activities are inaccessible.
Have others experienced this?
Thanks
Maria

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

I get this all the time but I have come to accept it now 

I have limitations on what I can do and appreciate my friends and family don't.  I wouldn't want to stop them doing something just because I can't be involved 

It is nice though when it is something I can get involved in 

I guess over time I have come to terms with this being one effect of being disabled 

L_Volunteer

Hi @Maria65, 

Welcome to Scope's community. It is great to see that you have joined us. It sounds really difficult that you have been excluded by friends when activities are inaccessible. Have you tried to talk to them about how it makes you feel and how activities could be made more accessible for you? True friends will make adjustments for you if they understand. Hugs! Scope's community is supportive and inclusive so I hope we can support you with this 

Tori_Scope

I'm sorry that you've felt excluded due to activities being inaccessible @Maria65. This is, unfortunately, something that many disabled people experience. I'd second the above advice to have a chat to your friends about it. They might not even have realised that they're excluding you through the kinds of activities they're organising. Would you feel comfortable having a chat with them about it? You can always brainstorm some ideas with us here if that'd be helpful  

Maria65

Thanks people. Its sad that dxclusion is so prevalent. I understand people need walks in the country and other things I cant always do. What upset me was that we were going to  garden which had an evening event. They had mobility scooters I can use buy not all areas were accessible. Try suggested that I stay in the cafe while they go visit those inaccessible bits. I sas shocked that they would think this ok. 1 of them also spoke over me whilst i was sat on a scooter the she and my friend were standing thus excluding me from the conversation.... 

Cress

I don't mean to sound harsh but would you rather have stayed home then at least be able to spend sometime socialising with your friends.
I'm sure if you talk to them they could maybe agree to have a day you could be fully included in followed by a day where you can at least be take part in some of the activities...
Bearing in mind that it's not the fault of your friends that some places are not accessible to you and unless you have been somewhere before or checked accessibility beforehand it can be hard to know for sure.
Maybe you could research places you can enjoy with your friends.
In an ideal world there would be no limits placed on anyone but we have to be practical...and realistic.
Good luck... @Maria65

Maria65

I did check beforehand about accessibility and chose not to go with them if they wanted me to stay in the cafe on my own while they go together to the other parts. And may also speak over me. I was going through anxiety and it could be triggering to be alone. They could have taken turns to go. Why must the disabled person be alone? What you said Cress does sound harsh. 

Cress

Well do you think as per my other suggestion that you could maybe speak to your friends about how you feel and see if they would be willing to take your difficulties into consideration when planning outings?
No, @Maria65 nobody should have to be alone (if they don't want to)
But I do think you need to let your friends know how you feel.

Have you looked at whether there are any groups in your area that can arrange suitable social outings?

Maria65

Thank you  Cress, Its fine I have many friends who I have great outings with. I really just wanted to feel heard in hear as I was feeling hurt and didnt think to talk to other peolle aboht it. I have now spoken of it and my good friends get it and we will always find ways that are good for us all. ?

Elysium

I feel that if they are making you feel excluded then they are not your friends