Hi my name is JHJarvie! I have C-PTSD. Here are my feelings on the condition any my treatment so far

JHJarvie

Hi I have just joined the SCOPE community and just wanted to say hi to everyone out there. I guess I want to reach out and see if I can get a positive experience from any future interactions. I was diagnosed with Complex Post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) in 2020, after what seemed a decade of what I can only describe as complete mental misery with a few major breakdowns on the journey while pretending to others that everything was fine! I thought I would state a few points of what I feel about my condition and its treatment so far.

1. Its taken me 10 years of countless GP consultations, different medications and no real structured treatment plan to finally get that so-important diagnosis, putting a name to my illness has been the largest leap forward I have taken in the last 10 years.
2. I eventually had to get private healthcare in order to get my diagnosis as the NHS is woefully under resourced in the area of Depression/Anxiety/Trauma recovery (My opinion only) and knowledge of CPTSD is not generally widespread.
3.I still dont have a treatment plan but have recently started Psychiatric assessment sessions which seem very positive,  but I dont mind admitting I am absolutely terrified of treatment failure as the last ten years has been plagued with it! I guess its easier to work on a condition when you eventually know what it is, therefore i'm pinning all my hopes on that theory.
4. Because I dont have a physical affliction, like a broken leg, I really have struggled with speaking to anyone about my experience, its as if I feel people wouldn't understand or even recognise what I have purely because you cant see it, that has brought me great distress over the years to the point where I tried so hard to hide my condition and symptoms from everyone and in some respects overcompensated in being more career driven and trying to be this outwardly confident person, while inside you were falling to pieces, looking back I just dont know how I managed to hide it for so long.
5. I would say I am only at step 1 in my recovery and I feel I have wasted so many years being ill and pretending not to be, I really regret that now as I have seriously damaged myself in the process.
Anyway thats a bit of who I am, what I am and my thoughts on my condition. I would love to hear back from anyone.

Jim

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community Glad you have joined 

Feel free to join in or ask any questions you may like to start in our coffee lounge or recent discussions 

leeCal

Hi Jim, welcome to the community, I hope you find lots to interest you here and perhaps a few new friends. ?

in a way my story is the opposite to yours in that i have been ill for ten years and everyone thinks I’m fine no matter what I say, kind of. I have received treatment though and it’s working thankfully. 

Tori_Scope

Hi @JHJarvie Welcome to the community. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with CPTSD so candidly, as I'm sure it can't be easy to talk about. I've moved your post into our category for discussions relating to mental health so that others with a similar experience will be able to find your post more easily. We have plenty of members who also have PTSD on the community, so I hope you'll be able to connect with people who can understand what you're going through.

It's great to hear that you're finally able to access some assessment sessions. It's normal to feel worried about what the outcome of these may be, but hopefully it'll be a positive step in the right direction. Although you might regret not having been able to get help earlier on, it's definitely a good thing that you're getting support now. It's never too late!

chiarieds

Hi @JHJarvie - welcome to the community, & thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for what you've been through; a story that I'm sure will resonate with some of our lovely members that also suffer C-PTSD, & others with PTSD. I'm also sorry you felt unable to let some others know how you were feeling; I do understand a little, yet my problems are physical, but not really obvious.

I 'hid' my disability for years, not knowing what 'it' was, again despite seeing GPs (& also many consultants). I don't know, but I think perhaps we build up a shell; a way of coping, & don't let others in because we presume they wouldn't understand, whereas perhaps it would have been worth a try. It's understandably difficult tho when you can't say/describe what you have until you get a diagnosis. I feel the same as you, that a diagnosis really, really helps.

What am I trying to say......I think you'll find a lot of understanding here on the community. I think you'll find that we often share some commonalities. Personally, in the past 2 years I have learnt an awful lot from people like yourself that have shared their story here, so thank you again.....this is how we all gain understanding & learn.