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charlie79 Community member Posts: 258 Pioneering
I have been having such severe depression. Where everything seems black and I cant see a way out because the fog is blinding my path.
My dad died in 1996 the closest and happiest thing in my heart from a messed up family of abused and abusers. A white collar family who were worried about people thought.

Making themselves feel better telling me not play with other children and made them out to be monsters. People who had a black sheep in family or weren't of a certain class financially racially everything.

They have portrayed people as monsters but we had demons in our back garden the worst kind. I was taught depression was a lazy mood until I became a victim of it myself.

Its like having the worst flu, your skin is sore and a severe tiredness emotionally and physically. I'm like a phone running on 8 percent battery constantly having to recharge.

I'm trying to get hold of crisis team which my GP referred me I haver problems answering phone and talking to a stranger on a phone is something I'm not able to do. They've sent a letter saying i have not engaged and attended appointments. None were made and reason I know this is because I'm housebound and any appointments I have to plan so someone of trust is with me.

My GP practice has been took over by a new doctor and there not much help. Any advise because I'm scared in a moment of desperation I will be seeing my dad again.


  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @charlie79

    Welcome back to the community, it's good to see you posting however I am sorry to ear about how you are feeling. You've done brilliantly to talk about what must be such a hard thing to speak about.

    I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your dad, it seems as though you were quite close to him and that his passing impacted you quite a bit, did you ever receive any support in the aftermath of that loss? Such as grief counselling.

    You referred to your family as abused and abusers, do you mind me asking what you mean by this? Were you the victim of abuse at one time? Are you safe from that now?

    It's important to remember that while things may seem difficult right now, there is always light at the end of the tunnel and support there to be accessed, and we will do what we can for you. It concerns me to read that you are worried that you could potentially harm yourself, but I thank you for being so honest. If you ever feel as though you might not be able to keep yourself safe, you should contact 999 right away or attend your local A&E service. 

    Additionally, you can access immediate support or advice through the below channels:

    You mentioned the Crisis team and your GP there, and I'm sorry to hear that your new doctor isn't helping you as much as you'd like. Have you not had any contact with the Crisis team at all beyond what they have said to you about not engaging? Have you explained to them the challenges you face around conversations over the phone?

    Do you receive any other support from your GP to manage your mental health? If you are struggling to manage how you feel, I would advise speaking with your GP but of course I acknowledge that you haven't had the greatest of support from the new one. You could consider referring yourself to anew doctor?

    I have sent you an email from community@scope.org.uk with further details, please give it a read and get back to us. And again, thank you so much for posting, I really appreciate it.
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  • charlie79
    charlie79 Community member Posts: 258 Pioneering
    GPs cant do much. The chisis team sent me a letter when i was referred to say I was to be contacted.
    In the beginning the mental nurse called me on a number that wasn't known to me and WhatsApp a message.
    I thought it was a scammer at first. I have knowledge of NHS and know they are not allowed to use google, and as WhatsApp is a public platform. I thought it was a hoax.
    This dashed my confidence as I don't know what security measures have in place. I tried to call left a message. She did reply but i missed the call and kept sending me texts saying blah blah and asking if she had permission to make me an appointment. I text back saying I was unable to make an appointment as I needed to speak to her as I'm house bound and need to arrange home visit. so there was really no engagement from my side as I wasn't awere when she called.

    I have many mental health PTSD depression anxiety all make me sleepy and debilitate me. I have a fear of phone so most calls are arranged or im aware of. My medications have a big impact to.

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,678 Disability Gamechanger
    This is the sad reality of the mental system unfortunately, if you're not able to use the phone to suit them, you can't access the support.

    I've been in this battle for the last decade since I started seeking help, and being made to feel as if I was the only one that can't use phones...  It's only since joining Scope that I've realised how widespread the issue is.  There must be so many people across the country missing out on treatment and support because the services simply aren't accessible to many of the people that need them most!
  • Supernanma
    Supernanma Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    I have given up with the doctors. They don't seem to care and just don't understand mental health, don't see the problems I'm having remembering things. I don't try anymore. I just shut my door and stay indoors. They don't listen sadly. When I get distressed they don't know what to do. All I'm hearing is there will be another lockdown, got through that one, but don't think I could do another one. My neighbour told me my life was worthless. Covid has changed everyone, into nasty people. Good luck to everyone suffering from this awful condition. I never in a million years thought that I would end up like this. I'm the same as Charles for phone calls, I can't talk to people without getting upset, and my anxiety rising. I hate it. 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,133 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Supernanma - I just wanted to say, in part, I can understand where you're coming from. I gave up on Drs for a while, but, because I'd passed on a genetic disorder to my children & grandchildren, I realised I needed Drs to ensure they all got the best of care. It's still ongoing, as, yet again a Dr has 'challenged' why my grandchildren need to be reviewed, & I need to 'justify' this.
    Yes, perhaps some Drs don't understand; I've met them, but altho it can feel like an uphill battle, we need them, & some will understand. Persevere; let them know about your memory problems, etc. (possibly yet again). If you can't visit your GPs surgery, would you consider writing to them? Quite a lot of our members have difficulty using the phone.....make sure they know. There should be ways around getting adequate medical support all of us need.
    Take care, & stay in touch. This community can be an enormous strength & support too. Keep on fighting.....you're worth it. <3
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