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Disengagement

ScoliFibroGirl

This sounds stupid and lame, but I really want to get back to when I was really unwell mentally and rarely left house. Doing daily activities is not for me anymore, I certainly don’t belong in this world , no one really likes me and fact is that I preferred the quiet life when I was in permanent solitudism. Being with other humans doesn’t not suit my personality, mood, feelings and thought process and tbh they are too much hard work.

I had to turn down two places in my local area I was referred to as I don’t want to go through mental agony of forever being messed about by people, the anxieties of are they gonna show up/be boring or just waste of my time. I have had too many bad awful experiences that I can count on. I feel safe indoors with nothing but my Netflix and bottle of wine for company and plus I already feel exhausted most days as it is and don’t have the energy to deal with people in my personal life too and it isn't practical for me.

I would have energy to go to uni/placement and eventually full time work but I think I would be pushed to max to have lots of social contacts and I wouldn't have the time to fit in my hobbies/cycling or watching tv.

Plus going to these social places would be really detrimental to my wellbeing as well and plus I have got to consider my depression and realise that it's symptoms can mean once I get home from placement/uni I am knackered, all of my energy is used up and im unlikely to head back out again as I am too physically, mentally emotionally exhausted.

I wish I had more energy and I wish I could fit these things in but I can't.

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Comments

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community
⁸
I don't think you are alone in finding it hard to get back out there in society but this could be a symptom of your condition maybe so I would advise speaking to your gp

Personally I think it does you good to get out and if you cycle this could be good for your health and wellbeing

It is your decision about attending any social activities there are many people who prefer a solitary life

Ellyyg

Hi.
I get what you've described and you are definitely not alone feeling like the world is exhausting at times. Some people just prefer being alone and for some it is a part of their mental health condition and either is fine. You don't really have to be unwell to be able to say no to events and hangouts either, it's always an option for you, as long as you make sure to nurture your social needs on some level: online interaction, some close friends.

In regards of referrals, I assume you meant medical, you could always have someone close to you assist you with these or accompany you to appointments.
With work, you could choose work that is less draining, part time work or even volunteer work. Maybe something working from home would work as you would be in your own environment.
Scope has information on their website about find work that suits you and some employment support services
https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/finding-work-disability/

ScoliFibroGirl

The hours at the placement are gonna be full time, but it’s going to be more practical of going to places especially if I’m having early in the morning and I’m back late into the evening.

I love cycling but I think I would have to stick weekend cycling and perhaps only cycle when my placement ends more often giving that my day will involve a lot more walking.

But as for getting out and socialising I regularly see a friend once a a fortnight but can be tiring for me as his place can bring up so many course related thoughts and he’s severely agoraphobic but I generally have my family I can spend time with.

ScoliFibroGirl

Yeah I do feel that part of mental health condition and the fact I’m a solitary introvert that I naturally prefer my own company. And then thinking about getting home it will be such a rush anyway.

Tori_Scope

Hi @ScoliFibroGirl,

It's definitely not a 'stupid' or 'lame' thing to post about, so don't worry!

As the others have said, there's nothing wrong with spending lots of time alone if that's what makes you happy. The important thing is that you live a live you personally find fulfilling and enjoyable and, for some people, that doesn't include spending lots and lots of time around other people. Living a more solitude life doesn't have to be caused by feeling unwell, and it also doesn't mean you 'don't belong in this world'. Everyone's different

I can imagine that doing your placement will be tiring, so it's definitely important to look after yourself and take time to recharge.

Are you receiving any support for your mental health at the moment?