Moaning behaviour from 10 year old. — Scope | Disability forum
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Moaning behaviour from 10 year old.

kimberlee
kimberlee Member Posts: 2 Listener
edited November 13 in Cerebral palsy
My son is 10 and has CP has a result of oxygen deprivation at birth. He is mobile, Cs  speak and is cognitively 4-5  years behind his peers.
 He tries hard at everything but some weekends are just exhausting.  He moans all day.  Doesn't want to do anything but then does, wants us to be with him then wants to be alone. He just doesn't seem happy in his skin.
 We are exhausted and after a week of full time stressful jobs have limited energy to sort or reduce these issues.
 We are on a waiting list for child psychology. He can have big temper tantrums, lash out and will refuse to do as he is asked to the point of something crazy small.
 We have always managed my son's additional needs ish but feels,like it is managing us more at the moment.
Any advice or just similar feelings felt happily recieved.
Thank you.
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Comments

  • Ross_Scope
    Ross_Scope Posts: 5,416

    Scope community team

    Hello @kimberlee

    Welcome to the community, thank you for joining us and telling us a bit about your family.

    Firstly, it sounds to me as though you are doing fantastically so you should give yourself a big pat on the back :) 

    There are always going to be bumps in the road as there are with many children, this is an important stage in his life where he is developing as a person and undoubtedly still adapting to managing his condition himself. And of course, I'm sure that you are still learning as a parent as these new challenges arise, but I am glad that you seem as though you have some support and are on the list for the therapy.

    Scope have services that can support parents of disabled children, which are Parents Connect and navigate, so I would advise reading about those and seeing if they interest you.
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  • Teddybear12
    Teddybear12 Member Posts: 1,349 Pioneering
    Hi @kimberlee Do you ever plan what activities you are going to do at the weekend so you do not leave it to chance. You could do a chart and show him with small pictures what you are thinking of doing on each day and get him involved . It is difficult when you are all exhausted but some of his behaviour sounds like attention seeking and perhaps he is bored. He will pick up on you being exhausted and play to it. Parenting is the hardest job and is unrelenting try to find some time for yourself. You are doing your best  and children sometimes push just to see what they can get away with. I have found as a parent that sometimes letting the small things go is easier than a fight all the time. Good luck. Take care.   
  • kimberlee
    kimberlee Member Posts: 2 Listener
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 2,946

    Scope community team

    Hi @kimberlee
    It is a difficult age for any child and at 10, even with his additional challenges, he will be realising the differences between himself and his peers and members of the family. He may also be on the threshold of puberty too.

    The harsh reality of life is that often, people with disabilities are still expected to go through their daily lives the same way people without disabilities do. 

    While a temper tantrum in a child is typical, a temper tantrum in a teen or adult is usually looked down upon. Therefore, it’s ideal to address temper tantrums early and teach your child more effective ways to communicate their feelings. 

    Below, we’ll go over mistakes to avoid and some of the most effective ways to manage temper tantrums in children with cerebral palsy. 

    1. Avoid Giving In 

    When your child throws a temper tantrum over not getting what they want, the worst thing to do is give in. 

    Giving in only reinforces the idea that the child can get what they want by acting out. While it may quiet them down, you’re not fixing the underlying problem. 

    2. Behavioural Therapy 

    Children that continue to act out as they get older are often not developing the social skills necessary to effectively communicate their feelings and emotions. 

    Consider taking your child to a behavioural therapist to further work on developing social skills like: 

    • Problem-solving 

    • Controlling impulses 

    • Negotiating 

    • Social expectations 

    • Delayed gratification 

    Behavioural therapy will teach your child that there are better ways to cope with frustration than having a temper tantrum. 

    3. Time-Outs 

    Sometimes, you just need to take your child away from the situation causing the temper tantrum. 

    Generally, children have short attention spans and will quickly get over what they were overreacting to if you take them out of the situation. 

    Calmly explain to your child why they are in a time-out and allow for an appropriate amount of quiet, alone time. Generally, the length of the time-out should be about one minute long per each year of age. With this guideline, a five-year-old would have about five minutes in time-out, while a three-year old’s time-out would be about three minutes long. This will give them time to cool off and reflect on their own before returning to their activity. 

    4. Be Positive 

    Diverting your child’s attention away from what they can’t do and encouraging them to do things that they’re good at will help relieve frustration and boost confidence. 

    Acknowledge and praise your child for positive behaviour. This will help them distinguish the difference between good and bad behaviours. 

    5. Encourage Emotional Self-Regulation 

    Teaching children to find positive ways to deal with their emotions allows them to self-regulate. Emotional self-regulation is the ability to “check-in” with yourself and use strategies to ensure your emotions and behavioural reactions are appropriate for the situation. 

    This is ideal for older children, but even younger children can learn to better regulate their emotions with adult guidance. 

    If your child feels as though they are getting close to having a temper tantrum, having some solid strategies to manage their emotions is essential. 

    Self-regulation strategies can include: 

    • Deep breathing with counting: Count as you take 5 deep breaths, breathing in through the nose like smelling flowers, exhaling out through the mouth like blowing out candles 

    • Self-hugging: Giving yourself a hug (or squeezing a pillow) provides deep pressure, calming the sensory systems and often emotions as well 

    • Take a break: Go somewhere different and do a relaxing activity (colouring, listening to music, etc.) 

    Cerebral Palsy Temper Tantrums: Summary 

    Learning difficulties, motor impairments, and speech disorders can make it difficult for children with cerebral palsy to communicate. This can be very frustrating and result in temper tantrums. 

    While temper tantrums are normal in young children, they become less socially acceptable as the child gets older. 

    By developing better social skills, reflecting on their actions, and focusing on things they’re good at, children with cerebral palsy can learn to better express and cope with their frustrations. 

    Here is a good book that might help Day by Day: Emotional Wellbeing in Parents of Disabled Children : Joanna Griffin: Amazon.co.uk: Books

    Apologies for such a long reply!

    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer and Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

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