Gender Dysphoria and Depression

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse

Hey everyone, I just wanted to vent for a little I guess, and get some advice...
I'm feeling really really alone in my skin right now and every minute i feel more and more isolated
I don't sleep well because I physically haven't been able to lately unless I fully just pass out
I don't eat well  because of how anxious and lonely I always feel
And I just find it impossible to take care of my physical hygiene (take showers) because I can rarely bring myself to take off my binder anymore to the point where i wear it days to weeks straight without breaks
I barely use the bathroom either because I have no idea what bathroom I'm supposed to go to and even at home I rarely use the bathroom because seeing myself naked at all feels weird and uncomfortable
I am also having trouble dealing with keeping up in school due to a lack of memory and focus and I'm even struggling physically in gym class because I wear up to 7 shirts a day and my binder and I can't go in either of the locker rooms to change out so even if I wanted I couldn't take off any of my layers and by the end of class every day I almost faint or throw up 
Lately, I've just felt constant and consistent loneliness and emptiness and nothing seems to be helping and nobody understands what I'm going through
Every time I hear my birthname I become really uncomfortable
I just feel like a freak 
I lack the motivation to do anything at this point except lay in bed all-day
I don't take care of myself anymore and it's obvious and I'm ugly
Why can't I just be normal?
Does anybody have any advice for me?
I just wanna be healthy

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse

Teddybear12 Yes I have but all she said was that I might have to just take my old meds again which weren't doing anything before and I don't know what to do and  have some friends who can support me but I am not able to talk to them consistently because my parents put restrictions on my general social contact
I'm not too fond of my family because of the way they treat me
I am probably going to talk here alot though because forums like this don't normally cater to minors so it's hard for me to find inclusive spaces I can get help

Libby_Alumni

Hi @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse  

Firstly, we've sent you an email from our Scope community inbox, so please let me know if you've received it . We'll keep an eye out for your reply. 

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling a lot with different issues. Do you feel anxious quite regularly? I know when I feel anxious, I like to do things that calm my nervous system and make me feel safe. For me, this are things like, painting, baking, watching my favourite TV show. Is there anything that you like to do when you're feeling anxious?

You mention that you're in school, if you don't mind me asking, what age/year are you in? Is the school based in the UK? The school environment can be generally overwhelming and I just wanted to know if you're getting any type of support from school? Please don't think you're a freak, you're not at all and we all experience different times in our lives where we might feel more alone due to different feelings about ourselves. These feelings fluctuate and what helps, is support from trusted loved ones. Do you feel as though you can speak to anyone about how you're currently feeling?

It sounds as though you're trying to navigate your thoughts and feelings alone, and we want to help here at Scope. I've listed a few resources below that I think will help you gain more support and therefore, feel more confident about your identity and current experiences :

• Gender Identity (supportline.org.uk)
• Worried about your gender identity? Advice for teenagers - NHS (www.nhs.uk)
  
• Self-care tips videos for young people - Every Mind Matters - NHS (www.nhs.uk)
  

As I mentioned before, we are here for you and please let us know if there's anything else we can help with or do to best support you. 

Take care now

Libby

Sillymoo007

I don't have any specific advice. But I'm sending big hugs your way. You're not having an easy time of it. It's great that you reached out. ?

Sillymoo007

I don't have any specific advice. But I'm sending big hugs your way. You're not having an easy time of it. It's great that you reached out. ?

chiarieds

Hi @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse - & welcome to the community from me too. I'd just like to say that, despite your struggles, you're entirely normal, & certainly not a freak, you are just you; an individual.

I'm hoping that perhaps you might seek support from your schoolteachers, as this is affecting your work, & because it sounds like there are some difficulties with your family.

When my eldest granddaughter became my grandson we all supported him. He was, I presume, that bit older than yourself when he first spoke to his parents just after his 18th birthday. He had found it difficult that his female name was used, as he'd enrolled with this, in his last year at college. He's since changed his name by deed poll. I'm hoping it will get easier for you as you get older. Are there any disabled toilets in your school? My grandson was given access to one when he started a modern apprenticeship after explaining his quandary.

You need to look after your health to become the person you want to be, however difficult that might seem right now. You're not alone; there are many young people that feel similar to yourself. I was reading some young people's stories today, which you might be interested to read too. Please see: https://gids.nhs.uk/young-people

Libby_Alumni

Thank you @chiarieds for the wonderful advice and your examples of your grandson's lived experiences. I hope you find this information helpful @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse. I know it's always nice to find relatable stories to your own experience. Although not every story is the same, and each is unique, it can be encouraging to hear about other's experiences and you can take what you need from them

Remember, we're here for you if you need any support and advice. 

Libby

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse

Libby_Scope yes, I did receive the email. Thank you for reaching out to me.
and no I don't mind answering.
I am in the 9th grade and it is a US school

Libby_Alumni

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse said:

Libby_Scope yes, I did receive the email. Thank you for reaching out to me.
and no I don't mind answering.
I am in the 9th grade and it is a US school

Hey @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse,

Just to let you know that I've sent you a private message on the community

Alex_Alumni

Hello @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse, I was just wondering how you've been getting on?

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse

Alex_Scope said:

Hello @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse, I was just wondering how you've been getting on?

Hey, apologies. Ive been kinda busy and forgot to come back to the page, lol
But things arent much better. I really appreciate you thinking of me though

Ross_Alumni

LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse said:

Alex_Scope said:

Hello @LcmonBlxss_Eclxpse, I was just wondering how you've been getting on?

Hey, apologies. Ive been kinda busy and forgot to come back to the page, lol
But things arent much better. I really appreciate you thinking of me though

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't much better, but it's good to see you back on the community and responding. The community will always be here for you whenever you want to have a chat, and you are more than welcome to get in touch with us at community@scope.org.uk too.