Being independent (long thread)

66Mustang

@leecal and @chiarieds Thanks, it does make a lot of sense about it being trial and error.

Thinking about it, I want to say that trying to block the thoughts is “easier”, and is what my natural instinct wants to do, but accepting them perhaps is slightly more effective in the long term, however takes more practise?

I think I’d tend to agree that both can be useful.

@chiarieds I think you are right about the self confidence and maybe if I worked on that in some areas that are perhaps easier (using the phone is an example where I have noticed some progress), it may extend to other aspects of life?

Spoonbill

Hi @66Mustang - tuppence from one who both worked as a support worker and experiences probably a milder yet relatable cluster of brain fizzes. Relate hard to getting anxiety on overdrive!

Guess this is some unqualified thoughts in the hope one might lead you on a useful path? So I don't blab on, I'll ~~try~~ fail to be brief and can expand on anything later if useful (some of this overlaps with previous comments & I claim no originality!):

• Talking stuff through: discuss moving toward independence with parents; join a peer support group (that isn't in a pub ); contact a MH/ND/Anxiety etc. org (maybe start with Mind?); consider counselling; consider other interest groups you can attend casually
  
• -> Some new paths will present more clearly than others at different times, & any one might lead toward another & more besides - personally, when I can't make rational sense of the choices I follow my nose with which idea sounds & feels easiest/least traumatic first and see where it goes?
  
• -> Keep building on your pacing and knowing yourself. Break down long goals into smaller steps/add one new thing at a time. Stay positive that things will improve but check your pace and take decisive self-care breaks if/when overwhelmed
• IMHO, support varies widely. Mostly I think support workers try to be as flexible as possible - some services are better funded and run than others, and some people get on with different types. When I went shopping with someone, we put the hideous communication device (normally around the neck) out of sight and I don't recall any dramas - other shoppers almost always oblivious to anyone else around
  
• Our place supported people both in residential supported and some in their own places. FWIW, the residents I think mostly came there from living at home, generally got along and seemed generally independent. Some did voluntary work, some did group activities and a few had more complex things going on so needed more intensive support. I think the idea was to develop independence and then move on (presumably usually how it works!) Some also went home regularly, some had parents visit occasionally
  
• Consider reading, listening to and watching stories from others in comparable situations for inspiration, as well as peers you can meet
  
• I don't think there's a formula, really? Try stuff, make mistakes, expect some red herrings, expect some pushback, seek out & learn from others you can trust, learn from yourself. Try to enjoy the ride!? In the end this is all just my perspective, but I wish you well!
  

(I should take more of my own advice )

chiarieds

@Spoonbill' s helpful thoughts have reminded me that I've never mentioned a charity that may be helpful, sorry. Do you remember thespiceman @66Mustang ? - not only did he become a very dear friend of mine, he often recommended the Richmond Fellowship: https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk/  thespiceman also had mental health problems, & had used the Richmond Fellowship for 3 years; they offered 1 to 1 support, & if you didn't by any chance get on with the person supporting, then this could be changed. Unfortunately Richmond Fellowship isn't available in all areas, you'd need to check if interested. Do look around the site as they offer so much, even supported housing.

I'm probably going off track as to recent comments, but am (very gently) kicking myself for not mentioning this earlier.

66Mustang

Thanks @Spoonbill for all the comments and suggestions, and it is good to get an answer to some of the things I was unsure of from someone who was a support worker.

I’ll be honest - some of the suggestions I’ve tried loads of times (inevitable as you gave so many suggestions ) - but there are some new things in there as well so I will look into those, I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I especially like the last bullet point and think it is very true.

@chiarieds it seems they don’t operate their community support in my area but they do offer employment advice which might be useful in the future, thanks for that suggestion

Out of curiosity, do you know why thespiceman is no longer on here? Hopefully he is OK.

66Mustang

Just a little update.

I went to see my psychiatrist today and gave him my concerns. He seemed a lot more helpful today. He was sympathetic (not that sympathy is what I need, but it was good that he showed empathy) and seemed like he genuinely wanted me to get better.

He has prescribed me some new medication for the depression and anxiety which I am very pleased about so we will see if that helps at all. I know it won’t reduce the obsessive thoughts or completely cure the anxiety but any reduction to the anxiety when I’m experiencing these thoughts is very welcome!

chiarieds

That hopefully all sounds good @66Mustang - it sounds like your concerns were listened to seriously, & taken onboard. I do hope your new medication may help alleviate your anxiety, & wish there was a magic pill for the rest.

Sorry, you asked about thespiceman; unfortunately I no longer know how he is, as he just stopped emailing. I sent him a further 3 short emails, but nothing back. He's a big miss.

easy

I agree, I did not really know him but I loved reading his posts and miss him now.

janer1967

Hope the meds work @66Mustang

Think we all miss the spice man especially for his healthy eating recipes . Hope he is OK 

Sandy_123

Good luck on the new meds @66Mustang

66Mustang

Thanks everyone for the kind messages.

That is a shame about thespiceman. Hopefully he is all right whatever he is doing at the moment.