Depression and anxiety

kellyjr01

Hi I am suffering from anxiety,depression and insomnia since I lost my son almost 2 years ago. I am on antidepressants and mild sleeping tablets.
I feel like I am in a hole and cannot get out. I have regular counciling and this does help a little but I do not feel any enjoyment in life,  my work are unsupported before the death of my son I worked shifts but after I am unable and asked to be put on day shift. I don't sleep much I am constantly tired and I lose concentration, I tried to take my medication in the morning but this makes me feel spaced out and unable to focus on simple things I feel unsafe driving to work feeling like this., so I now take them when I get home when I don't have to go out the house.if I don't take my medication i really dont think i would be here. My works have constantly gone on to me about going back on shifts i have explained that i am unable to, they want to know when will this be. How long  will I feel like this I have lost my son and my whole world has fallen apart, my employers have had me see the occupational health in 2 weeks it will be the 3rd time in less than 14  months. The last report said for them to recommend days indefinitely, not to put me under pressure plus other recommendations. They have done none of these. Only the adjustments to working days they said I have to go back on shifts, my depression and anxiety is not classed as a disability , I have been harassed and made to feel different in work. I am also paid a lot less than my co workers even though doing same job, I have been with this company 2 and half years but  only got a perm contract a year and half ago. I will have to leave my job as I mentally and physically won't be able to work shifts the constant pressure is adding to my anxiety and depression. I have told my manager how I feel I also told him that at times I have suicidal thoughts. I put up with work as this is routine and a reason to get dressed in the mornings. My doctors have refared me to mental health team but don't know when I will get help. I was told I maybe suffering PTSD due to witnessing at 11 years old my 6 year old sister get run over by a lorry and I held her hand while she died in the middle of the road. My sons death has trigged all sorts in my mind. I don't know where I stand at work if I am forced to leave I believe this is what they want as they don't want to put reasonable adjustments in place and they don't want my mental health in the work place, sorry  for going on I just need to vent a little. 

SueHeath

You vent away @kellyjr01
Firstly i am so sorry for your loss, nothing i can say will take your pain away. You are still grieving darling and it's awful to read how work are treating you. I can't help you with HR or work but there are a few experts on our lovely site that are very good with the advise you need. 
A lot of us pop in and out of the site during the day, I am sure you will be greeted when they wake up ha ha.

Please know that there is a lot of support in our lovely group. Try and stay strong x

Ross_Alumni

Hello @kellyjr01

Welcome to the community, it's lovely to see you join us. 

Thank you for speaking so honestly about how you feel, and what you have been through. I'm so sorry to read of the losses you have had, and the impact it has had on you long-term. It's also a shame to hear that your employer haven't been overly supportive up to this point.

I am about to send you an email from community@scope.org.uk to see if we can support you at all, please give it a read and get back to us