First date nerves. — Scope | Disability forum
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First date nerves.

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Countrygirl75
Countrygirl75 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
in Dating, sex, and relationships
Hi everyone. I'm new here. Looking for some advice. I recently met a guy online and we've really hit it off, he is paraplegic I am able bodied. We laugh and chat a lot on the phone, feel like I've known him forever. We're having our first date next week and as his outdoor chair is being repaired. I suggested we have a "car picnic" which we're both really looking forward to. My question/s are....what are the most common faux pas' an able bodied person makes when they're in my position? I really like this guy and don't want to blow it on our first outing!
TIA
We are both in our 30's and have kids BTW.
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  • Leo_Aces
    Leo_Aces Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Courageous
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    Hey @Countrygirl75, firstly welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing this. 

    By the sounds of it you guys have already built a rapport by chatting online and over the phone. 

    Every person who is differently able will have a unique way of "being” with their disability, which I sure you know already. Some people are really open about their difference and may use of humour to make the subject lighter. While others may prefer not to really talk about it. 

    I think I would say, take your lead from him. Don't over think about saying the wrong thing. If something does happen which feels awkward, acknowledge it and talk about it. 

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  • Countrygirl75
    Countrygirl75 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
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    Thanks for replying. Yeah, he is really open about stuff and as you say uses humour to make light of it. I'll let him lead as you say...ha ha, for now! 😆
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  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Pioneering
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    @Countrygirl75 Sounds like you have everything sorted already.  My colleagues have probably said this already; the fact that you guys have 'hit it off'' makes it extremely unlikely you will 'make mistakes' outside the usual 'stupid' comments that we all make on first dates :)

    Enjoy your picnic!
    I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"!  Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.  

    What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.  'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    I hope you have a great first date @Countrygirl75 it's lovely to hear that you're already getting on so well :)

    As others have mentioned definitely take your lead from him, and I suppose one thing I can add is, always ask a question, rather than assuming he might need help with something and doing it for him. There's a popular hashtag that some people use #JustAskDontGrab (Just ask, don't grab).

    Don't worry if the answer to a question is "No thanks, I'm okay!", it's not a rejection, it's just confirming he can manage without help. 

    Keep us updated with how things go, it sounds like a really fun idea for a date!
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  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,682 Disability Gamechanger
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    Car picnic sounds so much fun and brings back lots of nostalgia of car picnics I had in my teens with family and friends in bad weather! Have an awesome time and I hope you're able to tell us how it goes!! 
    I don't have experience of what you're asking and probably not the best person for relationship advice but I think all relationships benefit from open and honest communication. Better to talk about something than avoid the topic and just never know. Have a super awesome and special time <3
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