I thought that after 26 Years I would Know How to Handle It...

AndyGT

The it I refer to in the title is pain. I use yo be a police officer on the 1990s.  It was a 

Sandy_123

Hi @AndyGT good evening. Are you experiencing pain that has worsened after 26 years?  Or changed. 

woodbine

@AndyGT hi have you asked GP to refer you to pain clinic?

AndyGT

I am sorry for this as I had't finished 
Typing when  I hit send.  That is some of the problem as the pain affects my concentration........ 

I have and am seeing my GP and have had surgery and currently I have a pain management implant in my lower back.  However, things are becoming harder and harder. 

chiarieds

I'm so sorry to read things have worsened for you @AndyGT - as a chronic pain sufferer, I can say that each day can become a battle. It's not easy, but try whatever just dampens your pain down a little; can you read, listen to music, watch a film for example as a method of distraction part of the day?

I don't know if this may be appropriate, but have you asked your GP for a physio referral? Are you able to discuss your implant with your GP/neurosurgeon to see if it could better help you?

AndyGT

Good Morning Everyone.   I hope all is well with you.  As I said last night the message I sent was incomplete because my concentration is shot to pieces some of the time because of the pain.  I should have waited until today..... So,  I'll start again.  

I use to be  a Policeman.   It was a job I loved and it was a job I was honoured to do. I enjoyed making a difference and helpping.  I use to do something (I played Rugby, Golf andI loved Badminton.   I was doing something each day of the week.  Then, that all changed when I had a car accident.  I was on my way to an urgent assistance call when it happened. I went to hospital that night and was told it was whiplash and go home.  Well, it wasn't.  I had slipped a disk and damaged some nerves in my back..... So, I had surgery and the disc was removed and another was fused.   To cut a long story short a year after the surgery I was medically discharged. At the time it was the hardest moment in my life because I didn't know what else to do.  I was at a  loss...........

I'm sorry if I have babbled on a bit.  I tend to do that.  It is just I wanted you to know  where I come from so to speak.  ..............  This is only part of the story.  The rest is to follow as I need to go and do something.

Again, I'm sorry I just wanted someone to talk to and thanks for listening. 

Tori_Scope

You don't need to apologise at all @AndyGT. You're welcome to post, reply, and update at your own pace If you find it easier to write posts in chunks, that's also totally fine. 

Though living with something over a long period of time can help you find out the best ways of managing it, I can imagine that it'd take a toll on your mental and physical health, too. 

66Mustang

I’m really interested to hear your story especially the bit about being a police officer as I know you lot have some good stories to tell. I have a close family member who did their full 30 years in the police then another 6 as a civilian and they had some great tales.

Sandy_123

Hi @AndyGT thankyou for telling us more about your journey. That must of been devastating for you at the time. Then to have to leave the job you loved so much. I look faward to next part of your story. 
There are lots of people here to talk to and chat to. 

AndyGT

First of all...... I would like to say thank you for your replies and I appreciate everyone taking time to say something.  On coming out of the police I had no idea what to do.  I was coming to terms with having to leave a jobI loved and to  accept the pain.  I found that easier than I do now and initially the pain did not seem to degenerate too much.  Things weren't easy but manageable.  Anyway, what to do??????  I decided to go to University whilst I thought about it.....  Anyway, I studied law at university and still didn't know.  So I stayed and did a Masters Degree in Politics.  During this period things didn't deteriorate that much and I managed to  get through.  I tried a number of different things to help. These included medication and acupuncture  to name a couple.   I don't know if they worked, or, that things just hadn't really got worse, or at least much worse.  

Anyway, after leaving university I got a job locally and shortly afterwards I began to feel tired, stiff and uncomfortable.  My joints were painful and my movement felt laboured.  It was not always like this and it may only last for half hour or so or it may be a couple of hours.  Anyway, I carried on working and would sometimes drag myself into work rather than go sick.  It is something I still do because I know there are some things I physically can't do so I feel that I can't  go sick and need to make up for my perceived shot falls.   I must admit, these were my feelings and the people I worked with were fine and never said anything that made me uncomfortable.   It was entirely of my own making.....

After a couple of years I left and began to work in London.

I am sorry for babbling on, but it is nice to talk to people who understand. If it is too much please just say and I will do whst I normally do and shut up.

chiarieds

It's all very interesting @AndyGT - & as ever good to hear from you. I look forward to your further posts, & thank you for sharing with us all.

janer1967

No need to stop it's great hearing about your journey nice to see you opening up and feeling confident to share with us 

Sandy_123

Well done you for getting a masters in politics  and managing to get further employment.
Do you think if you had adaptions in the work place, that it might make things a little easier? Things like working times, working from home etc.

AndyGT

I carried on working in London for a number of yearsand during that period I could feel things progressively getting worse. My back was causing me more and more pain and the simplist of things was getting harder to complete.   I didn't want tofeel like I was giving in but everything was becoming a struggle  carrying shopping was not easy. I like wandering around RHS Gardens and National Trust properties.  However it hDgot to tge point where I could not do this without tge use of an electric scooter of some description.  I also began a new type of treatment which I am sure you are aware of.  It was  an epidural into my spine to give me some pain relief.  The first injection gave me such relief for 5 months or so. I went back for a second injection after 6 months and the pain relief lasted for 3 months or so.  Then after another 6 I had another injection and the pain relief was there for about 6 weeks and finally I had another injection  and the cautetization of some nerve endings.   This however, onlygave me pain relief for about a week.  Each time the pain relief subsided and the pain returned it was worse than it had been before.  I was now beginning to find things harder to do before the pain became debilitating and life became a struggle.   The medical took the decision to stop the injections. I had a meeting with a pain specialist and was offered the chance to have a 'spinal chord stimulator ' implanted.......

Sorry if I am going on but I promise the next piece is the last.  I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

chiarieds

Thank you again @AndyGT - I am enjoying reading this, if that's the right word, as you've gone through so much.

SueHeath

Glad i stopped by and read your story so far @AndyGT i look forward to hearing the out come.

AndyGT

After having been given the option and having had it explained to me (Implant Lower back attached to spine sending electrical impulses to various points.  I don't feel the impulses - sorry if you are aware of this and I hope I'm not  repeating what you know).  I could rattle on a lit more about the actual implant but I don't see the point.  Anyway I had the implant and I'll be honest it does help. It doesn't stop the pain but does help.  I still have to take a number of tablets, some morphine and pregablin etc.  The tablets make me drowsy and can shatter my concentration. I have worked full time throughout and I can't say anything about my employers other than they have been extremely helpful and understanding.  The immediate team I work with cut me some slack and understand.  However I can't shift the thought that I should be doing more.  I should be be able to accept the increased workload.   However the more I try to keep up the worse I feel both physically and emotionally. 

Trying to fight the pain and just get on with life can make me tired in itself.   The act of fighting the pain and not just the pain itself is tiring.  I am not sure if I have explained it properly but I hope you understand. 

At times,  it feels like I  am facing a new pain or more pain  and to be honest I can't always be sure what the difference is.  It all merges into one. What I getcniw is dizziness.    I will lay down and the room starts spinning.  Sometimes not so fast other times faster.   Of late, it has happened  when I am sitting there working.  I have told you about my concentration but at times I feel I am trying to blank out the pain and concentrate, I am finding I can only do that for a short while before things start spinning.  I could carry on writing  for ages with lots more (because that is is something I have always enjoyed  but this could carry on for ages if I wrote chapter and verse about everything.   Suffice to say that I will list a few things that I am sure some, or most of you haced to a larger degree than myself. So I will list a few points: 
.  I have arthritis in my neck and shoulders.
.  The pain is mainly in my lower back.  
.  I also pain in my joints (knees my left knee crunches as I walk up the stairs, hips, groin and thigh).

The list could go on but there is no point in adding to it for the sake of it. I have carried on working throughout but am now finding it a struggle both physically and emotionally.  I keep going because I don't want to feel like I am giving in and have let myself or my parents (if they were still alive!) down. 
I look back and don't feel like I have succeeded or have anything to show for it except more pain and discomfort.  Things  are such a struggle at times that I sometimes look at myself and don't recognise who I am and think I have turned in to everything I never wanted to be.

Anyway that's it.  That is the abridged version of who I am and where I am with my life.  I never set out to write this piece as it has turned out. I was just posing the question that after 26 years you would think I would be use to the pain able to cope.  Well, I am not yse to it all I know is that it still hurts.   However I can cope and life goes on.


To those of you that have read this and found it interesting, thankyou forvreading.  To those of younthar have read it and found it too wordy I apologise.and to those of you that  think I have wasted your time I also apologise. 

Anyway, take care my friends and I hope all is good for you.

AT

SueHeath

Hi @AndyGT thank you - you sound like your writing for me - i was diagnosed from an early age, i am now 65 and only packed up work a year ago. I have patted myself on the back for showing i could do it and not give in to the new movements in my spine, which took six months to settle each time.
The last movement (spinal stenosis now) has done it for me with regards my working life and my walking hobby.
The pain and side affects of the meds were to much to carry on working. Saying that since i have retired i am in a bit more control with pain, so i would say to you my qaulity of life has inproved that way since i packed up work.

The surgeon has decided my spine is not stable enough for me to have any type of fusion, this could cause worse problems, so i am awaiting to have the pain implant to see if it helps me reduce the nasty drugs and make my brain healthier.

So i thank you for your writing and i am sorry if i have responded by "all a bought me " response but i feel we have a parallel life x

Alex_Alumni

Thanks for sharing your post this morning @AndyGT I'm sure no one reading will think it's a waste of time. Indeed as @SueHeath has expressed, I think how you feel resonates so well with a lot of our members

Dealing with chronic pain and managing pain day to day is something that's difficult to understand unless you have experience of it, but your writing really shines a light on all the varied emotions that come with the physical side of things. 

Things  are such a struggle at times that I sometimes look at myself and don't recognise who I am and think I have turned in to everything I never wanted to be.

It is sad to read that you feel this way sometimes. Society as a whole I think, puts a lot of stock into the idea that "we're never enough" or "never doing enough", and this is especially ingrained in ableist ideas around disabled people. I wonder if it might help to think about how you might feel if that pressure to "be enough" was removed? 

I'll leave you with the question: Who were you before society told you who you should be?

AndyGT

Sue Heath..... I'm glad you enjoyed my post. Things are easier when you know that you are not the only one.  I hope life is good for you and maybe I'll see you around here again. Take care.  Andrew

AndyGT

Alex_Scope I can partly answer your last question easy enough.  I was moe relaxed and enjoyed life a lot more.  Andy