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Facing reality

LynneR Community member Posts: 17 Courageous
Im Lynner and have CRPS and osteoarthritis.  I was also diagnosed with Lupus many years ago and was on high doses of steroids for several years. When I was in Hospital a new Consultant told me, with no tests, that I don't have Lupus.
I have limited mobility due to CRPS and other conditions. Last week I found out I needed a new hip. I have mostly come to terms with all the changes but my husband will not engage. I am at the stage where I'm struggling all the time to walk.  I manage by pushing through the pain but I'm not too far off 70 and I can't do that much longer.  I can no longer drive and unless my husband takes me I'm stuck. I've tried a soft approach,  tried telling him we must face facts, which he ignores, and I'm so depressed and frustrated by his approach.  I was in a volatile first marriage and  avoid big conversations in case I make things worse. I don't have regular medical input so talking with someone is not an option, I feel completely on my own.
I apologise for the length of the post but I literally have no one to talk to,


  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @LynneR and thanks for making this post. 

    I appreciate you speaking openly and honestly about what you are going through, I'm sorry to hear of the situation you are in at the moment.

    I appreciate that you say you have nobody to talk to, but I just wanted to check whether there are are any family or friends who you could speak with at this time who could possibly sit down with you and your husband to have a conversation? It can be hard to bring up difficult subjects, even more so if you have concerns about how somebody could react, but having another person there to provide support can make it easier.

    There is always the option of going to your GP to and talking about how you feel, and what your current challenges are. They may be able to provide some suggestions and support to help you manage better. If you feel as though you are finding it hard to do common daily tasks and mobility, you could also consider referring yourself for a needs assessment with your local authority to see if they can support you at all.

    Do you have any idea why your husband isn't engaging with you when you try and have the conversation with him? Is it that you think he just isn't overly concerned, or that he is maybe just trying to hide his emotions and push on through things?
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  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 4,731 Disability Gamechanger
    @LynneR that's so hard and I can only imagine how alone you're feeling with it :( Is it through fear / worry that your husband refuses to engage?? 
    It's easy for me to say this because I'm not going through it but I think you need to try and have this conversation with him. I get what you mean about your past relationship and why you avoid them but it might be better than this limbo and what sounds like lack of support you're getting?
    I know you said you've mostly come to terms with things but I'd still be trying to process so if you want to talk at all myself and other members are here <3
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