Hi, my name is KCJ81! Any advice on getting additional support for my child?

KCJ81

I'm a mum of one to a brilliantly charming, inquisitive little boy of 7. Unfortunately I am struggling to find inclusive services to meet is basic human need to belong. It appears that to be able to access local universal services he needs a one to one and I am not in the position to fund this as I am not able to work due to my caring duties. 

The moment my child turned 4 he has faced frequent systemic trauma, sustained educational  exclusion, along with community exclusion. This has had a dramatic effect on his mental health and behaviour. This along with a dual diagnosis of ADHD and ASD means he is at severe risk. 

Fortunately I succeed in getting into an indipendant specialist school. But I am now faced with difficulty in securing social engagement in the community independently of me. 

My local authority have already put me off asking for a needs assesment as they have illuded to the fact that he does not meet the threshold for direct payments. 

But I am desperately in need of help to find additional support for my child so that we can get to even slightly resemble a typical functioning family. 

I have lost myself to this entire ordeal. But even so I am still trying to pursue my own goals. I'm trying to get through a Masters course online (difficult as I also have ADHD), I have been offered countless employment opportunities to supplement my learning but have had to keep turning them down. 

Inclusion seems to be a buzz word that nobody knows how to implement. And when I ask for reasonable adjustments they don't appear to be reasonable. 

I can't take much more rejection of my baby. 
Any advise Please help 😔 

Tori_Scope

Welcome to the community @KCJ81 Thank you for joining, and for being so open and honest with us in your first post here. 

It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate right now, so it's completely understandable that you'd be finding all of this quite distressing.

I'd firstly like to point you towards our fantastic family services. I'd encourage you to see whether you'd be eligible to receive any support from them, and to get in touch with them if so. 

I've moved your post into our children, parents, and families category. By looking through this category, you'll be able to see that you're certainly not the only parent in this position. You may also like to have a look through our category for discussions relating to autism and neurodiversity, both for yourself as well as your child. 

social engagement in the community independently of me

I was just wondering whether you'd be able to expand a bit more on what kind of opportunities for social engagement you were looking for?

Is this something the school could help with at all? 

My local authority have already put me off asking for a needs assesment as they have illuded to the fact that he does not meet the threshold for direct payments. 

There may be other kinds of support your local authority could offer. If you feel your family could benefit from a needs assessment, I'd encourage you to progress with this. 

But I am desperately in need of help to find additional support for my child so that we can get to even slightly resemble a typical functioning family. 

Do you mind me asking whether you have other children? Are they coping okay? 

Would you feel comfortable telling us whether you have any support to help you manage family life, such as from a partner, friend, or family member?

I'm trying to get through a Masters course online (difficult as I also have ADHD)

The course sounds great! What's it in? 

Are you able to benefit from any additional support, as you have ADHD? For example, could you have more support from a tutor, or get extensions on deadlines if needed?

I'm also wondering whether you and @lulu221110 may like to connect, as they made a post about their child's recent diagnosis recently.

KCJ81

Hi Tory,

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate the signposts. 

To respond to your questions, I would like to get my son into firstly clubs of his interests, swimming, coding and trampolining or gymnastics. 

However whenever I've taken him along to taster sessions we've either been met with him just being left to his own devices due to a lack of clear instructions, guidance or willingness to engage at a one to one level 'initially' to learn about him. Therefore leaving me to chase him around trying to get him involved. 
Or
groups claiming to be SEN providers with an underdeveloped understanding  neurodevelopmental disorders, utilising an authortarian approach and physical restraints to manage his need to explore the surroundings and ask questions in order to settle himself. 

I would also like to find him an after school club so that he gets the opportunity to play with peers and I get the opportunity to go to work. His school doesn't have that facility but I have enquired about finding a provider and am awaiting feedback.  

Lastly have tried to get him onto a Half term 'holiday' programme at my local youth community centre. To help him engage with a mixture of children. And also support me while I study and seek work. 

But the lack of willingly to try to accommodate him or help me was painfully hard to swallow. 

Although I would prefer that he has these opportunities out in the wider community, even the more specialised services are extremely expensive and are only available for children in receipt of short breaks funding. 

He is either too disabled for one and not disabled enough for the other. 

I am a single parent to just the one child (plus our two kitties) , I don't really have any consistant practical support from my family as my mum Suffers with MS and so can't help with any regularity (and i feel terribly guilty about not being able to support her as much) so it really is all on me. And I'm honestly exhausted. 

I'm studying a conversation in Psychology (thank you for asking) as I refuse to stay stuck and thought the best way to advocate for my child will be through expert knowledge, and I will not let another child slip through the net on my watch moving forward in the profession. I am being supported through the disability services fortunately. I just need to be supported in my community. 

Thank you for your genuine regard it's a comfort to feel heard at the moment. 

Sue_Alumni

Hi @KCJ81
I'm glad that the signposts Tori supplied were useful and do join in the online discussions because your experiences will help other community members and I'm sure you will gain something from hearing about theirs.  Good luck with your psychology course - that is quite an undertaking and I sincerely wish you all the best with that !