'Shifting attitudes requires action on many fronts' - read Scope's new research now

Tori_Scope

I'm so sorry you've experienced these kinds of attitudes @spikey. Have you reported the threats of violence to the police? My understanding is that threats of violence due to a characteristic you have can be classed as a hate crime. 

Do you mind me asking whether you've experienced suicidal thoughts yourself due to the attitudes you've faced?

Tori_Scope

I can imagine the meeting with your future mother in law might have been quite hurtful @daz2 Has she changed her attitude towards you now?

Tori_Scope

That's sad to hear @Jennifer14Owen! Misconceptions can definitely work their way into all areas of life, including education. What do you think could help to stop that from happening?

Jennifer14Owen

Teachers been given a Presentation on Irlen syndrome and what like without Irlen lenses and some people too

daz2

It took a while. I'd say at least five years before she treated me equally like she does other people. She thought it was weird her daughter would want to date a man who wasn't "normal" (whatever normal means). My sister-in-law was worse & I still think she looks down on me after 19 years. I remember once going to a pub with my wife to meet my sister-in-law and her boyfriend. My wife and I were sat down when the sister walked in. I stood up to go to the bar to buy her & her boyfriend a drink when I heard her say "Don't worry, he's just a cripple". I didn't say anything but I was so angry with her that it took at least 6 years before I would be in the same room as her.

Tori_Scope

I'm sorry to hear that @daz2. It's hard to understand how people can hold these views, especially for such a long time. It's good to hear that your mother in law does treat you equally now, though. 

Jules_H

While most people around the town I'm in will step aside for my wheelchair and/or white cane, I get the impression it's not so much out of courtesy, more that they don't want their ankles hit by foot plates. A few things I've noticed.. many in power seem to believe that a ramp giving access to a building is enough to deem the building "Accessible". My doctor's surgery does have a ramp, an automatic door on entrance and a partially disabled toilet, however that's where it ends. The receptionist desk is so high they don't see me sat the other side in my wheelchair. It gets embarrassing having to bang on the desk and shout "Hello I'm down here!". I get scowled at as if I'm the one being rude.  Apart from the one entrance automatic door,all internal doors are heavy fire doors and extremely difficult to try to pull open whilst trying to maneuver a wheelchair through. At one point, I was actually stuck between the fire door and door frame into my doctor's consultation room, he didn't look up from his computer and actually started the consultation while I was still in the doorway! The clinic manager told me the receptionists are supposed to come and open the doors for those who can't manage, yet in four years, not one ever has.
The list of incidents I've experienced is endless. But one I will mention.. I read in a post about whose responsibility it was for lowered kerbs... i came out of my doctor's and apart from the one lowered kerb there, it's over 300 metres (almost to the dual carriageway through town) to the next lowered kerb. I tried to get up an able-bodied height kerb but got stuck, and out of all the people who passed me, completely ignoring me, the only person who came over and offered to help me was a young-ish man on crutches with buckled legs. I've never felt so humbled. Given this young man's disability, I dreaded to think of the consequences had he let go of his crutches, even if to help lift up or pull back my chair from the kerb. But the fact he offered, while so many able-bodied ignored me like I wasn't even there.. it really shows that the disability community, whatever our disabilities, visible or not, we have so much empathy, care, compassion and time for eachother, a heck of a lot more than able-bodied do.

Styal

Jules H. while I agree with much of what you've said (not sure about people being concerned about getting hit by your footplates), I would just say one thing, ASK for assistance when you need it. For example, ASK the doctor's receptionist to open the door when your name is called, ASK for help getting down the high kerb.  I like to be as independent as possible but will ask for help if I need it.  Perhaps people are reluctant to interfere as don't want to be considered to be pitying you.  In supermarkets, I'm often asked by another customer if they can get something off a high shelf for me.  I thank them but am normally able to stand up from my scooter and reach for it myself.  I've often said that if everyone had to spend a day in a wheelchair, they would have a better understanding of the issues disabled individuals face. Perhaps that should be part of the school curriculum!

Jules_H

@Styal Like you I will ask for help in shops, supermarkets etc if I need it and always say my please and thank you's. Being stuck on kerbs, I have had to shout a little as the pathway the majority take is quite a distance (one particular area, there is a large open space with a circular bench in the middle and the path on the other side), but I'm either not heard or ignored. I am very independent but will ask for help when needed, and especially when stuck. On numerous occasions no-one has passed me when I really needed them too.

SueHeath

This thread has interested me and made me think of things differently.
I do feel that forums/groups like our scope has given a lot of us empathy (love that word) we are a very mixed bunch of people all with our own demons and look how much we all care about each other, no judgement about how we look,react,walk,talk is this because we can not see each other ???? i don't know ????
I feel that i have always been a caring person, but there is always the thought - would i offend some one who i think needs help before i see them struggling, or do i hold back to see if they need help or ask, perception can be hard.
I am a trier, i try to do things to test myself before i would ask for help, but this doesn't always work - if i am struggling and hubby doesn't take over i will have a go at him, he will always say you've only got to ask but then i would say you know i can't do it, so i shouldn't need to ask. Bless him he can't win sometimes, but that could be my own frustration. 
I hope i have made some sense and not just waffled on ha ha x

Maurice123

@JulesH
I think you are proving the difference between town and country. I am surrounded by farms and live 2 miles from the nearest village. However I have people leave me eggs, bring me cooked pheasant in season. Others do my shopping, cleaning, gardening. My local pub welcomes me. Most of the customers talk to me and my landlord or landlady welcomes me. There is always somebody willing to help with my wheelchair. My surgery has a ramp and the staff are very helpful. That is why I live here. I hope things improve for you.

SueHeath

A bit like i was trying to explain Maurice - were you live every one knows you and do not look at you any different, in a City i find people more judgemental of any one or any thing, unless they have personal contact or are willing to get to know a person who doesn't fit in their box of what is supposed to be normal.

Jules_H

@Maurice123 Exactly. While I don't tar everyone in this town with the same brush so to speak, the town I'm in is riddled with drug abusers and alcoholics. I'm the first to admit the only drugs I know of are either the ones I've been prescribed or have given to patients back in my nursing career, I don't have a clue about 'street drugs'.. I did learn of one though,  which has a side effect of sudden outbursts of rage and violence. I've lived in towns where, for example, when in a shop queue, people would chatter to the person in front of behind them while waiting. But here, many are too afraid to speak to anyone they don't know as that unknown person could suddenly burst into a fit of rage. Even my neighbours, they go to work, come home, close the door till they leave for work the next day. In 4 years I've only seen them to say a quick hello too as I got into/out of a taxi and they were just coming home/going out. It is scary that during times when I do need help, all I can do is hope really hard that the person(s) passing are safe to ask for help.

I do agree about smaller communities, everyone helping eachother. Having been raised and worked with the military 85% - 90% of my life, the community you have is much like the Forces community, so moving to a town where people are too scared to talk to anyone they don't know really well, it's not only difficult when/if I need help around town, it's harder to make friends. Thankfully the Tesco's staff here are incredible and go out of their way to help, whereas other supermarkets, the staff to customer ratio leaves a lot to be desired. I've gone up and down the entire store several times and not seen staff. I've ended up having to ask the person in charge on self service for help, and that's always been met with a very disgruntled look and a mutter of "oh gawd I don't have time for this". I was raised with manners, but sometimes wish I had the nerve to say "I can hear you"... but I'd feel I'm no better than her with rudeness.

Maurice123

@JulesH
Sue has her husband. I think she is very lucky, but we all become frustrated at times and we are liable to take it out on people who are trying to help. I am lucky enough to live in Devon and for the last five years have enjoyed politeness and genuine help latterly when I needed it. I have only been disabled since last March. Is there any chance of you moving to another area. You do sound as if you need a change.

SueHeath

Have you ever lived any were else @Maurice123 I know exactly were @Jules_H is coming from - I live on a large housing estate on the out skirts of a large city, this sort of behaviour is common fact - this is what frustrates me because i know not every one has low/no empathy there are a lot of really nice people in this world, just that some areas people are to busy,ignorent,rude, or worried about street cred or even worried about them selves, being verbally attacted just for offering a helping hand. The cities have got to large, people do not have the neighborhood friend ship we had in the past.
I am very lucky to have a loving husband, and i try not to take things out on him, but as you have no doubt experienced Maurice, living with a disability can be very frustrating, 
In my eye's you are extremely lucky also, you live in a lovely area, but i can imagine, there are the larger areas in Devon that would have the same type of things happening as we do in Cities.x

Maurice123

@SueHeath Since I had my life changed last March I have only lived here. In fairness I knew all these people before I lost my leg. They were very friendly before and are equally friendly since. I have not been rejected because of my loss. Yes you are right Sue the two largest towns near me have dreadful drug problems. In one Torrington I was told
that the police do nothing because they know the main suppliers and if people want to kill themselves that is up to them. In Bideford the problem is even worse. I am sorry that both Jules and you suffer but it seems worse for Jules.
I am told that pushers rarely take drugs, they just take money off the dregs of society.  If parents are rude and have no manners the children will be the same.

daresbury1978

I understand that the U3A organisation intends to make itself more attractive for disabled people. I hope that by doing so they will help increase contact between disabled and non disabled members and reveal the huge diversity within the disabled community. Thus increasing disability awareness and promoting informed and positive attitudes towards us. More and more disabled people are gaining success in the public sphere as entertainers, sports champions, politicians and actors etc. and this should help change public attitudes.

Jules_H

leeCal said:

My son has cerebral palsy and he receives a bit of abuse on the streets, and he uses two crutches to get along! It’s very sad, he has enough to put up with.
 - 

I moved to the town I'm now in four and half years ago, it severely lacks matching dropped pavements... so I can come out of the doctors, go down the dropped path but unless I want to use my wheelchair along the road with the car's just to locate the dropped path on the other side, I have to struggle with steep kerbs. I got the front wheels up but couldn't get the back ones up. Loads of able-bodied walked past me like I wasn't even there! The only person who came over and asked if he could help me was a young lad with CP on crutches.     My heart melted at this offer.   In twelve years when I've been outside the house, only two people have offered me help when I've been stuck or in danger of being hit by a car.. an elderly lady and the young lad on crutches with CP. To everyone else, I'm treated like I'm invisible.

daresbury1978

Jules_H said:

While most people around the town I'm in will step aside for my wheelchair and/or white cane, I get the impression it's not so much out of courtesy, more that they don't want their ankles hit by foot plates. A few things I've noticed.. many in power seem to believe that a ramp giving access to a building is enough to deem the building "Accessible". My doctor's surgery does have a ramp, an automatic door on entrance and a partially disabled toilet, however that's where it ends. The receptionist desk is so high they don't see me sat the other side in my wheelchair. It gets embarrassing having to bang on the desk and shout "Hello I'm down here!". I get scowled at as if I'm the one being rude.  Apart from the one entrance automatic door,all internal doors are heavy fire doors and extremely difficult to try to pull open whilst trying to maneuver a wheelchair through. At one point, I was actually stuck between the fire door and door frame into my doctor's consultation room, he didn't look up from his computer and actually started the consultation while I was still in the doorway! The clinic manager told me the receptionists are supposed to come and open the doors for those who can't manage, yet in four years, not one ever has.
The list of incidents I've experienced is endless. But one I will mention.. I read in a post about whose responsibility it was for lowered kerbs... i came out of my doctor's and apart from the one lowered kerb there, it's over 300 metres (almost to the dual carriageway through town) to the next lowered kerb. I tried to get up an able-bodied height kerb but got stuck, and out of all the people who passed me, completely ignoring me, the only person who came over and offered to help me was a young-ish man on crutches with buckled legs. I've never felt so humbled. Given this young man's disability, I dreaded to think of the consequences had he let go of his crutches, even if to help lift up or pull back my chair from the kerb. But the fact he offered, while so many able-bodied ignored me like I wasn't even there.. it really shows that the disability community, whatever our disabilities, visible or not, we have so much empathy, care, compassion and time for eachother, a heck of a lot more than able-bodied do.

daresbury1978

I just want to comment on the idea about a building being "fully accessible". Whilst there are many issues relating to whether or not a building is easily accessible (e.g. steep stairs, heavy doors etc. ) I also know from my own experience and needs as a disabled person that it is also what goes on in the building that also needs to be "fully accessible". I have routine treatment needs so should I wish to attend a conference I need the programme to make allowance for this. Not unusually a lunch break included in the programme    might be barely long enough for me to undertake my treatment and by the time I get back to the conference facilities all of the food has gone! Also, since Margaret Thatcher was in power the treatment facilities I need have almost disappeared. She created the requirement that every square foot of floor space should be capable of making money. Thus, treatment facilities either just disappear or possibly get used as a profit making business.