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Wife wants me to leave

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Wibbles
Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
edited August 2022 in Coffee lounge
My wife /carer of 20 years has just asked me to leave the marital home - I am unable to walk or speak or do virtually anything.
She wants me out today - I have nowhere to go
She has cared for me for 20 years without a break
I own the house and my wife is financially dependant on me.
What is the standard procedure at a time like this ?
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Comments

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
    edited August 2022
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    She is angry with me for something that I have no control over
    I have Parkinsons amongst other problems 
    She really suffers from anger issues and wants me to leave TODAY !
    COVID has meant that she has been unable to visit her parents (who live 150 miles away) for almost three years - her dad is 93 and not in the best of health - and now, when we are clear to go - HER cat is ill and needs medication twice a day - so we are unable to leave him.....
    She blames me for decisions that I made 18 years ago - when I had an opportunity to move house closer to her parents and decided at the time to stay put - I own the house !
  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
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    This is where the council have failed me - I asked for a care needs assessment - and I have been ignored
    My wife needs a carers assessment as well - but I don't think that she will accept one
  • Biblioklept
    Biblioklept Community member Posts: 5,022 Championing
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    That's a sad situation for you both @Wibbles and you both sound under a lot of pressure and stress. :( Have you talked more about it with her? <3
  • bg844
    bg844 Community member Posts: 3,887 Championing
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    I think it’s very unreasonable to expect you to move out straightaway, maybe different bedrooms. It’s your house too.
  • elizabeth01
    elizabeth01 Community member Posts: 23 Connected
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    Wibbles said:
    My wife /carer of 20 years has just asked me to leave the marital home - I am unable to walk or speak or do virtually anything.
    She wants me out today - I have nowhere to go
    She has cared for me for 20 years without a break
    I own the house and my wife is financially dependant on me.
    What is the standard procedure at a time like this ?
    I advise you ring citizens advice, you have rights in this matter, you can find additional info and what they advise here: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    Hi @Wibbles I am really sorry to hear this.
    Do you have a young family ? If not why should you go !!!!!! 
  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
    edited August 2022
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    SueHeath said:
    Hi @Wibbles I am really sorry to hear this.
    Do you have a young family ? If not why should you go !!!!!! 
    No family at all
    In any case she's calmed down today
    I'm staying put
    Why do they always assume that the person in trouble is female? Last time I looked I was male 
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    Sounds like she was on one ha ha yep keep your head down, only you know how bad things are behind closed doors.
    I still think you both need to sit and talk about things calmly, has she ever seen anyone about her anger issues ?
  • Cartini
    Cartini Community member Posts: 1,108 Trailblazing
    edited August 2022
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    I`m sorry, but I fail to understand why, if you own the house, can`t talk and are unable to do pretty much anything, why you should leave the house.  If you own it, she should be leaving. 
    If I were in that position, I`d pay for her train ticket (or whichever suitable transport) to her parents and tell her she can leave.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
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    Cartini said:
    I`m sorry, but I fail to understand why, if you own the house, can`t talk and are unable to do pretty much anything, why you should leave the house.  If you own it, she should be leaving. 
    If I were in that position, I`d pay for her train ticket (or whichever suitable transport) to her parents and tell her she can leave.

    Exactly 
  • Spoonie_Naila
    Spoonie_Naila Community member Posts: 464 Contributor
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    Hi @Wibbles so sorry you’re going through this. Relationship ‘road bumps’ happen to us all. I really hope you can work through this together. Have you thought about contacting Relate, or any other type of relationship counselling? It might be what you both need to help you move forward. Wishing you all the best xx
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 57,289 Championing
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    Wibbles said:
    SueHeath said:
    Hi @Wibbles I am really sorry to hear this.
    Do you have a young family ? If not why should you go !!!!!! 
    No family at all
    In any case she's calmed down today
    I'm staying put
    Why do they always assume that the person in trouble is female? Last time I looked I was male 

    I don't see that Sue mentioned anything about you being female. She asked if you have a young family. You can have a young family whether you're male or female.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
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    Wibbles said:
    SueHeath said:
    Hi @Wibbles I am really sorry to hear this.
    Do you have a young family ? If not why should you go !!!!!! 
    No family at all
    In any case she's calmed down today
    I'm staying put
    Why do they always assume that the person in trouble is female? Last time I looked I was male 

    I don't see that Sue mentioned anything about you being female. She asked if you have a young family. You can have a young family whether you're male or female.
    I meant Elizabeth01 a link
    Have you seen what it says? 
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 57,289 Championing
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    Wibbles said:
    Wibbles said:
    SueHeath said:
    Hi @Wibbles I am really sorry to hear this.
    Do you have a young family ? If not why should you go !!!!!! 
    No family at all
    In any case she's calmed down today
    I'm staying put
    Why do they always assume that the person in trouble is female? Last time I looked I was male 

    I don't see that Sue mentioned anything about you being female. She asked if you have a young family. You can have a young family whether you're male or female.
    I meant Elizabeth01 a link
    Have you seen what it says? 
    I did yes and it mentions men as well as women. It gives information on what to do whatever gender you are. 
    You quoted Sue’s comment which was why I commented what I did. 
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 55,933 Championing
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    Hi @Wibbles sorry your having problems, if you own the house then you don't need to leave it. Sounds like your wife might want to go see her parents and sort things out there, but stuck with all the obstacles that's been in the way like covic etc, now the cat. Is there anyone that can help with the cat? 
  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
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    In case anyone was concerned - things are now back to normal again !!
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    I was concerned @Wibbles i don't like to hear of people going through bad time at home, especially when there is someone whose health is bad. 
    Did you both manage to talk things through or just got back to norm ? x
  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community member Posts: 1,804 Trailblazing
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    SueHeath said:
    I was concerned @Wibbles i don't like to hear of people going through bad time at home, especially when there is someone whose health is bad. 
    Did you both manage to talk things through or just got back to norm ? x
    No things just went back to normal 
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    So nothing resolved - things can be so frustrating sometimes - hope your both okay anyway.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 55,933 Championing
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    Good news @Wibbles, maybe a bunch of flowers lol
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