My son passed yesterday

[Deleted User]

I am absolutely devestated as my eldest son died by his own hand yesterday morning, and I am still trying to comprehend why ???? I had to find out by reading the local news paper. He lived with my mother and she hadn't told me. He was only 23. I didn't have the closest relationship with him( he was removed because I had schizophrenia and thought he was satan )but he was close to my sister and mother. I feel guilty like it's my fault. Why??

woodbine

I am so very sorry for your loss it must be terrible for you if you need to speak with someone can I suggest the samaritans free call 24/7  116-123.

janer1967

So sorry for your loss it must be very raw right now and hard to understand 

Don't blame yourself you did the best you could by having him cared for by family 

Please reach out for support to get you through this 

Adrian_Scope

Wow. I'm so very sorry for your loss @KerryBemmy. I wish there was something I could say that would make things feel easier for you right now, but I don't imagine there's anything anyone can say and I'm certainly not the best with words.

I won't pretend to understand how you're feeling but I would imagine feelings of guilt are probably normal, when something awful happens we often look for someone or something to blame. I know that in many cases, if there isn't an obvious answer we can internalise it and blame ourselves for things that are beyond our control. 

Given the situation it really sounds like you could do with reaching out for support so you can talk through how you're feeling with a professional. Are you still under a team for your mental health? 

SueHeath

Hi @KerryBemmy i am so sorry about your awful news, A big hug of me x

Tori_Scope

I'm also terribly sorry to hear of you son's death @KerryBemmy. We're all here to support you the best we can

Binky1234

I'm so very sorry for your loss please accept my  condolences.

Help groups are out there I did a quick search and here is the link 
https://uksobs.org/

Sandy_123

Sorry to read about your loss and difficulty you are going through 

[Deleted User]

Hi everyone, I'm holding up ok. Still in shock at the moment, but just about coping. Im still waiting for information off my sister(she's next of kin) about a possible inquest and funeral. I had a falling out with my family so I'm treading carefully. I'm assuming there will be an inquest, due to the railway being involved. I left some flowers near the area and was overwhelmed with the amount of flowers left by other people. Thanks for the supportive messages.xxx

Headcook

Hello

so sorry for your loss 

hope you can find some good support 

mshugz

Hi @KerryBemmy, 

I am so sorry about your loss, I loss my daughter on May 6th this year, totally different circumstances however the same guilt and blame hit me and it still does. 

It is not your fault, I know no matter how much I say that or anyone else the the circle of grief is an awful circle please if you need an additional support they is lots out the for bereaved parents so please utilise that. 

I have bipolar and my mental health team was and still are the most amazing support to me so please contact yours if you need to. 

If you ever need a chat i am only a message away. 

Please take care of your self. 

Tori_Scope

I'm also sorry to hear about your loss @mshugz. I'm glad your mental health team have been so supportive I'm sure that kerrybemmy will take comfort in your reply. 

[Deleted User]

Hi all an update, my son is being cremated next week so I'm going to see my eldest daughter before the funeral. My sister set up a gofundme and it been massively successful so expenses are covered..one less worry at least. I don't think there was an inquest nothing has been mentioned by my family, and it would have been quick if it did happen. So that's surprising. I'm coping ok I have episodes of deep grief but overall I'm managing. I'm excited to see my daughter for the first time in a long while. To be honest my emotions are a bit erratic at the mo. Thanks for all the support from everyone  xxx

SueHeath

Glad you've up dated us Kerry, it's bound to be an emotional roller coaster darling, hope all goes well for you all x

[Deleted User]

Cheers mate xx 

Lou67

@KerryBemmy

So so sorry for your sad loss.
Look after yourself.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care ❤️

Tori_Scope

Seeing your daughter sounds lovely @KerryBemmy  

[Deleted User]

Thanks for everyone's kind words I won't forget all the amazing words I received. Anyway I've decided to leave the site the death of my son has started to affect my mental health really badly and I'm not coping as well as I thought I was, I've been in tears on and off for the past few days and sadly I am upsetting members of this community, I guess I was using this site to distract my mind, it's his funeral on Monday so I'm really struggling. Thanks for everything xxxx  Do you message the community team to delete an account. Thanks.

Lou67

@KerryBemmy

So sorry to hear your so upset I hope your pain becomes more bare able soon.

I hope you decide to just take a break from the forum , till your feeling a bit stronger.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care.❤️

chiarieds

I'm berating myself for not replying earlier, but tbh the loss of my youngest daughter is with me every day altho it was years ago. She was only 23 months old, but I imagine the loss of a young adult is so much worse.

I don't I have the words to say either, other than I carry my youngest daughter always in my heart. If it's OK to say, I will be thinking & praying for you tomorrow, & in the coming days. My eldest daughter & I have grown closer because of the love we share about her, but it's taken time.

As Lou67 says, take a break for now, but do come back; don't delete your account.