Hi, my name is RubyRoss84!

RubyRoss84

Hi all, hope everyone is well. 

I just wanted to introduce myself. 

I’m Roo - hello 👋🏻 
It’s been a pretty awful year for myself and my family as I had a mental breakdown in March. 

Previous to that I was a bubbly, strong(ish) manager of a GP surgery. I got up early and put make-up on my face everyday. I’d drive everywhere and successfully lead a big team. 

Fast forward to today and I’m incapable of work due to my illness, have SORN my car and need help with the simplest of things both cognitively and physically. 

I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful 8 year old daughter. As it stands, they are my only reason for being here. 

I’ve never had benefits, having worked since I was 16, so I’m struggling to get my head around everything. 

Breakdown was due to all sorts of previous trauma. 

I was with our local crisis team for three months, have been seeing a therapist each week and was diagnosed with an eating disorder in September, for which I’ve been accepted onto a treatment plan. 

As I said, I’m struggling to cope with how much my life has changed. I sometimes sit and feel sorry for myself at the injustice of it all. Even though I have suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life, I’m really struggling with how it’s affecting me physically. 

I was awarded PIP this morning. 

It’s all very strange. 

Anyway, sorry for rambling xx 

Cher_Alumni

@RubyRoss84 Hello there and a warm welcome to our community, thanks so much for telling us your story. It sounds like you've had a full on year so far. I'm really sorry it's been so tough. Are you finding the mental health support you're receiving enough? 

I hope you don't mind me saying but one thing that stands out in your post is how far you've come too. I think admitting there's something 'going on underneath' and getting help is a massive step, and for you to be seeing a therapist and starting a treatment plan soon is great. It might not feel it but give yourself some credit and a little gentle pat on the back.

Also, applying for PIP is no easy feat so to be awarded that is a positive too. I hope it will help in some way financially. There is absolutely no shame in receiving benefits. I realise having never been on benefits before that it might feel strange, but they are in place to help when life goes a bit wobbly and unexpectedly off-track. I'd recommend checking you are getting everything you're entitled to, by using the Turn2Us benefits calculator. 

When you say you're struggling with the physical side of your conditions, what do you mean? If you want to tell us a little bit more, we're all ears. Also, feel free to take a look around our mental health issues category to see if you can relate to any of our other members' stories. 

Take care and again, thanks for opening up to us. It will get easier, I promise. 

janer1967

Hi and welcome from me too 

RubyRoss84

Wow thank you all, that’s so kind. 

Thank you for saying those lovely things Cher, I really do appreciate them. 

What I mean when I say physical struggles is like after I have a ‘meltdown’ and I’m so totally exhausted that I struggle to lift my arms so my husband has to wash my hair. The depression can be so intense that I struggle to move. Then the anxiety is intense soon and causes dizziness, SOB and chest pains etc. 
I scratch myself too so that is a rubbish part of it but one I can thankfully cover up xx