How are you? — Scope | Disability forum
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How are you?

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JustPete
JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Pioneering
in Coffee lounge
"How are you?" or "What's been going on?" are 'closed' questions which typically get short answers and more than likely positive ones, like "I'm fine" or "Not much".

Any suggestions for better 'conversation starters' in order to get somebody to open up (especially when you are looking for them to offer up information that you know is troubling them)?

Yes, this is a process of time and trust-building - starting every conversation with the boring "How are you? or What's been going on?" can become an easy question to swerve especially if you are 14.
I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"!  Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.  

What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.  'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 50,856 Disability Gamechanger
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    Ohh I don't know off hand, maybe something like....hey do u want coffee and a chat. 
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  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Pioneering
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    So I should have added it is a chat at a defined time/place/purpose
    I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"!  Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.  

    What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.  'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    I'd echo @Teddybear12 a good way of starting a conversation might be to talk about something they're really into, and go from there :) 

    It might be best not to lead with what you want them to open up about, but rather work your way there gradually.
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  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Pioneering
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    @Teddybear12 Hi,& thanks
    Yep, the 'teenager' aspect is an issue in play here.  However, that's fine - he has spoken to me way beyond what I had expected in our first 4-weeks.  I have used the topics/interests approach..........and will continue along those lines.

    I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"!  Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.  

    What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.  'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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  • iza
    iza Scope Member Posts: 703 Pioneering
    edited November 2022
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    Hi @JustPete, I think you are reading my mind. As simple topic similar you described are really boring for me too. I love conversations which can get deeper and allow to know each others better. 
    I have teenager son and finding out what is troubling him takes a lots of time. 
    As a person I think it could be good approach if you could ask him the person to help you with something and than start conversation about life and once you engage into doing something together you can offer your help to young person as well. 

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  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Pioneering
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    @iza - THANKS!!! What a fabulous idea.  The lad sees me once a week and usually I ask him to do 'minor' physical things for me - 'pass my phone' or 'move my water'.  However, asking him to help figure some 'life' issue/problem out for me would be a great way of instilling "I trust you with my life issues" thereby making him feel he can do the same himself with me.

    I am really going to use this.

    Thanks again.
    I am a Scope Community Volunteer Adviser with knowledge of "life"!  Lived experience including employing personal assistants, being gay, sport & leisure inclusion & participation, mental health issues.  

    What is the bravest thing you've ever said? asked the boy. 'Help,' said the horse.  'Asking for help isn't giving up,' said the horse. 'It's refusing to give up.”
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  • iza
    iza Scope Member Posts: 703 Pioneering
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    Hi @JustPete, you are very welcomed. 
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