How would you be texting a guy through online dating apps? — Scope | Disability forum
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How would you be texting a guy through online dating apps?

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Splatmate24
Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
in Dating, sex, and relationships
I was texting one guy. Did you send a text where you like to go on a date? I sent a reply costa coffee near Asda. I think this is like one of the first dates. Don't know how to know i he testing the water. Yes, I also put my learning disability on my dating profile on dating apps called badoo. 
One of his photos on the bottom page of his profile said he then verified the photo. What tips should I do? I didn't have time to make a video call. One thing that I don't like about some guys that are too tall for me. I was in previous relationships with shorter guys or the average height. It's because I was always out in public for a beer festival. How would you know I'm going to be nervous on the first date. I still don't know what he sent to question that he sent one would you do if I kiss you. I finish work and I am not sure. After setting up the first date. He sent a reply if dates to well I will give you a kiss. Didn't reply back. 
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @Splatmate24. You have done really well reaching out to us today. I can hear you have a few questions and are processing a fairly new thing.

    When you ask what tips should you do, could you tell us more about what you want tips for - for example, is it your safety or something else? I can hear how you are feeling nervous. 

    I just want to make sure we provide you with the best tips we can because that is what you deserve. If you do mean safety, then I would recommend making sure you stay in a public place and maybe take someone with you who you trust if you are not sure. 

    Please feel free to keep us in the loop, we are all here for you and listening to you  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
    edited November 2022
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    I'd also be keen to hear more about what kinds of tips you'd like @Splatmate24, so please do let us know if there's anything you'd like to know about specifically! 

    In general, here are some tips for staying safe on a first date:
    • Meet up in a public place. Somewhere like Costa is perfect :)
    • Tell someone close to you where you're going, who you're meeting, and when you're meeting them
    • Don't give out too much personal information on the first date. It's okay to talk about yourself and your interests, but it's worth considering whether you'd like this person to know where you live, for example, this early on
    • Make sure you arrange your own transport, and know how you'd leave the date if something didn't feel right
    • Familiarise yourself with the Ask for Angela scheme
    It's perfectly normal to feel nervous before your first date. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's important that you be yourself :)

    It's also important that you don't put any pressure on yourself, or them, in terms of what might happen during the first date. If you do end up sharing a consensual kiss- great! If not, that's completely fine too.

    We have a page on disability, intimacy, and relationships that you might find helpful to read. 
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @L_Volunteer. I know about online safety through college and high school but i am still learning about online dating since I couldn't find anyone that I like or be interest in real. has met up with guys before. I always taken my mum and her car since i can't drive myself.  never was interest in any Talls guys. is more about tips with online dating . 
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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @Tori_Scope that might be guys and girls around. i don't kiss on first date.  bad experience some girls when i did have previous relationship while in college.  i know about online safe through college and highs school . the some girsl in my college to tick me into become there friends just get closed to guys that i did have relationship with . it did happen more then one. i kept saying NO and no over to these girls and walk away from them .
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
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    It's great that you already know about safety when dating @Splatmate24 :) 

    I'm sorry that you've had negative experiences of people using you in the past. You deserve friends who value you for you, not for your connections. 

    I'm glad to hear that your mum will be able to drive you, too. 

    When are you thinking of going on the date? 

    I met my current partner through online dating, and we arranged to go for a coffee for our first date too. We then went to a nearby pub for some food, as it was going well :) 
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    the Date is at Costa coffee i also used fast food place as an option. the date will be 20 of November. I can get sometime shy when i meeting people . i also has one flaw that is jealous but i am don't know to control better or get rid of the jealous .  I was never used to be like .
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
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    I think jealousy is something many of us will have experienced at points in our relationships @Splatmate24. I do think it's something that can be worked on. One part of that can be working out what your boundaries are, and what you're comfortable with in a relationship. It's also really important to communicate with the person you're dating, to ensure that you're on the same page. 
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @Tori_Scope. that i would I did try communicating in some previous relationship and some guys just said OK or didn't care. about her. some girls through college and i did get some attention from guys throughout college. i think some girls like to start drama and my college was a special learning disability college that has girls being overly friendly to guys that i did at relationship. some of them ended because some of guys did cheat. don't really talk or text girls anymore or women. also been cyberbully through Facebook and did tell my mum about too other girls that kept spamming video calls or calls. i did blocked them. i  one cyberbullies was from college. I did told member of staff at college.   I had 9 ex boyfriends. I don't like drama but didn't like some girls that seem to be very friendly or flirting by their hands.  btw thinks some of them did have a learning disability. 
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
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    I'm sorry to hear that you were cyberbullied, too @splatmate24 :( It's good to hear that you told your mum, and that you were able to block them. Has that helped?
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @Tori_Scope is having help a bit but i been wondering about one thing seem to be common theme with some guys stop reply after or stop reply after I did set up a date with one guy. 
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
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    It can be frustrating when people do that @Splatmate24! Have you ever heard of 'ghosting'?
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
    edited November 2022
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    @Tori_Scope yep I heard ghosting and seen on TikTok and online dating from YouTube and meant that they stop reply after the person set up the date.  
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,493 Disability Gamechanger
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    Yes, that's right @Splatmate24. It's when someone stops replying. It can be quite upsetting, but I hope that knowing it's something other people have gone through helps you to feel less alone! 
    National Campaigns Officer, she/her

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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @Tori_Scope i did happen a few times. the other thing that i also has noticed is when they do try and set up A date but didn't confirm or hasn't replying to confirm. not possible if you texting to one guy but i am texting multiple guys. other reason could they found someone else that also has been my experience with other guys through Facebook. other guys somehow get a girlfriend also on Facebook. I give up and wait and see if guys to reply or not. 
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    That sounds really difficult @Splatmate24. Would you say that is similar to the ghosting @Tori_Scope has described? 

    I think it is, especially when they don't reply to confirm. Though slightly different when they meet someone else, I can hear how this would be difficult too.

    Would anything, in particular, help this to feel more manageable for you? We are all here for you and listening to you  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @L_Volunteer. yes, it was similar too ghosting and did reply bit too late. I said I couldn't make to meetup since plans did change. after i sent that text. i also messaging a new guy that seem to be bit better.
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    That sounds really difficult @Splatmate24. How are you feeling at the moment about these difficult experiences? 

    It sounds positive that you also messaged a new guy that seemed to be a bit better though. Please feel free to let us know how this goes and if you need any support.

    We are all here for you and listening to you. Good luck  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @ now I am not even sure the new guy . i am not sure about one text he sent oh right I get to know you now . doesn't seem like a good reply . other guys has sent the the hock up line I that i will blocked guys right ways . one guys that did lie being single but he already has a girlfriend that i just found out through snapchat and did blocked him also . I am just looking for a relationship with a person with a learning disabilities . I can't find people in real life has not yet be working . 
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    I can hear you are not even sure @Splatmate24. Would you like to tell us more about your thought process? 

    We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. It sounds really positive that you are continuing to look after yourself.

    Hopefully, you will receive some better luck soon. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to support you.

    We are all here for you and listening to you  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • Splatmate24
    Splatmate24 Community member Posts: 380 Courageous
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    @L_Volunteer doesn't sound that interested. if a guy was interested would willing to make time available and other guys that did match i had to blocked one since he said I didn't care if you have a learning disability . I I'm only looking for guys with a learning disability. the Olders guys are not in my age range . very near to my grandad age and some were 50+.  the guys that are in that 20+ some guys are interested in something else . 
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