Help for my disabled mum

kobie

Hi all,

Kinda on here as a last resort,
my mother is severely disabled and agoraphobic. She lives in a studio disable flat by herself and her little dog. The place has become almost unbearable to be inside, the mess is unbelievable. I have tried to clean it myself but I can't keep taking time off work to keep on top of it. she isn't able to look after herself with things such a shower, cook clean etc.... She hasn't showered in months and I don't know what to do to help her.

She needs help! 

She has a community carer that comes once a day, she pays for the carer out of her disability which is a joke because she doesn't seem to do anything. the carer never comes at the same time so mum has no routine. They don't help to tidy and keep on top of things. They make her some porridge and let the dog out the front then leave.

I'm just wondering if there is any support out there for someone in this situation. I feel like I'm watching my mum slowly die and in the horrible state and theirs nothing I can do. 

Any advice on services or anything at all would be appreciated! 

Thank you!

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

Has your mum has a care needs assessment if not you can self refer on gov website 

Has your mum got a care plan in place for the carer to follow 

You could speak to her gp and ask for help sign posting to relevant services 

Don't take this the wrong way would your mum be better cared for in a care home 

Tori_Scope

Hi @kobie Welcome to the community! 

This sounds like an incredibly challenging situation, so thank you for reaching out.

I'd agree with janer1967 that requesting a needs assessment might be a good idea. You can find out more about that on the NHS website.

If you, and she, are unhappy with the care her current carer is providing, you could also consider making a complaint. You should be able to find some information about that on the care provider's website, but let us know if you have any trouble finding it. 

I'd also encourage her to speak to her GP. I realise this may be difficult, considering her agoraphobia, but many GP surgery's are now offering telephone appointments.

Is she receiving any other kind of support for her mental health?

kobie

janer1967 said:

Hi and welcome to the community 

Has your mum has a care needs assessment if not you can self refer on gov website 

Has your mum got a care plan in place for the carer to follow 

You could speak to her gp and ask for help sign posting to relevant services 

Don't take this the wrong way would your mum be better cared for in a care home 

Thank you Janer, 

Iv never heard of a needs assessment so I'm going to look into getting one sorted asap. She has a care plan with her current carers but they are not very good. I agree she might be better off in a care home but I don't believe you can have dogs? Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it! 

kobie

Tori_Scope said:

Hi @kobie Welcome to the community! 

This sounds like an incredibly challenging situation, so thank you for reaching out.

I'd agree with janer1967 that requesting a needs assessment might be a good idea. You can find out more about that on the NHS website.

If you, and she, are unhappy with the care her current carer is providing, you could also consider making a complaint. You should be able to find some information about that on the care provider's website, but let us know if you have any trouble finding it. 

I'd also encourage her to speak to her GP. I realise this may be difficult, considering her agoraphobia, but many GP surgery's are now offering telephone appointments.

Is she receiving any other kind of support for her mental health?

Hi Tori, 

Thank you for your advice, I am literally at the point of desperation. 

I will be speaking to her GP and see what extra help she can get and with her mental health, she is very old fashioned and doesn't think it's something worth addressing. 

I will book a needs assessment and find out how that works. 

Thanks for taking the time to write this for me. 

All the best,

L_Volunteer

It sounds like a really difficult time at the moment @kobie. With regard to pets in care homes, I found the following information: 

Needless to say, each care home will have slightly different practices when it comes to accepting pets into their home. Some may be very relaxed whilst others may have strict guidelines in place such as your pet being confined to certain areas of the home.

The most common guidelines that you are most likely to come across are the following:

• The home may only accept pets of a certain size
• They may require you to cover the cost of pet food, bills etc
• They may advise that you will need to be able to care for your pet yourself (walking, feeding etc)
• They may not accept pets that are likely to cause nuisance to other residents living at the home

I hope this at least semi-helps. It sounds like talking to individual care homes to find out their individual policies might be the best way forwards with this.

I can hear that you are literally at the point of desperation. Firstly, I want you to know that we are here with you and you don't have to face this, or anything else, alone if you don't want to.

Would anything, in particular, make this feel more manageable for you at the moment - for example, is there anything, in particular, that you want to find out about the needs assessment?

I am wishing you the best of luck speaking to her GP and seeing what extra help she can get with her mental health.

Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to support you further. We are all here for you and listening to you