Roaming and rotting

ResilientNeighbour7

I’m sorry I have very limited non data no home internet right now & I considered contracting other organisations but won’t be Scuse they have all let me down mutlutole times so far then I remembered scope of course again I’ve been using. Most days and just really need to reach out even if it’s not to do with the disability side but more mental and social 

ResilientNeighbour7

I don’t want anyone to come here but I need to at least speak to someone I’m not coping I went out at 4pm and only came back now despite the fears because even when outside I’m paralysed in fears  it’s nothing new 

ResilientNeighbour7

I’m feeling worse than ever before. I wasted my universal credit money on junk I won’t benefit from ie more supermarket food also because hungry but also because I don’t know what else to do I even went into  costs to use their WiFi and had a tes but people please listen when I say my trauma and tension and other negative emotions have worsened 

ResilientNeighbour7

27 years old a Woman ethnic there was no one else around walking as usual just me whilst cars drive by and I’m there aching with every step 

ResilientNeighbour7

Typing this is so hard for me but I’ve no energy nor person to speak to I don’t have the capacity to kill msyekf but I don’t have a quality of lfir

ResilientNeighbour7

I tried to complete final assignment of a short Sen ta course I’ve been working through online from well over. A year Ago that should have fbeen submitted months ago but even though I went all that way to Costa and used their WiFi I got nothing done I’m so upset I am extremely outcast everybody else there was put together they had PEOPLE their people to speak to whether they were young middle aged white asian black not one of them were as dumb diseased downtrodden as me 

ResilientNeighbour7

And I’ve come back to overhear loud horrific awful neighbour who I despise and who is still getting away with their vile behaviour 

ResilientNeighbour7

I don’t even know how to check joe much data I have left but I can’t exactly speak I n confidence here I hate it so much that I roamed about all evening and even upon returning he is banging and making g clown like pathetic noises and I want to scream and bar myself but I cannot I feel so out of touch from everybody else why is there so much wrong with me born into a total oddball family mums one eyed and widowed dads dead  I’ve no big family and of the 6 all over 59 aged step siblings not one has been of use to me despite everything my mother did for them their mother died my dad married my vulnerable useless clueless villager one eyes mother impregnated her and didn’t allow her to develop and I’m absolutely no better off why the **** was I born I know there are babies born blind and many deformities out there and I know I am so jrkssrd in so many ways but rright now I don’t feel blessed I feel deeply cursed I overhear and overobsever wheeevrr I go and all I seee and hear and witness are these carefree, privileged, clued up, car driving, winning, clear skinned archetypes all around me whilst I literally am shaking and walking cluelessly I don’t even know why I went out and bothered at all I’m and why did I buy more **** from Asda when I am in debt overdraft and on a debt relief order and only on a foundation account and when there is food in eh flat this time I didn’t need to buy bagels and biscuits but I felt angry 

ResilientNeighbour7

Guys can I tell you I’m sorry but once again I just stormed around the supermarket crying and talking to myself well actually I was talking aloud to whoever the creator is whoever is listening crying asking swearing (nobody paid any bother of course as usual as no one cares arnout the strange little ethnic woman roaming alone with no experience of privilege or power ) and I feel no better I used both the praying aloud plus buying things to Tory and realease anger but never helped why am 
sometimws I think is scope even real or am I just I imagining o dreaming rag people have been kind to me are you all going to shift your attitudes and be hateful to me just like the police, housing association, council and others I’m so scared I hate this and my physical symptoms are no better did it tell anyone here that after yesterday s ohottherpay session I developed a New rash all over red bumpy itchy stinging and they did nothing when I rang and even sent them pictures and they said oh are you sure it was ohotoetehaoy and I said yea as no change in medication or ointments or clothing type or from gods sake what is one minute I need to charge my phone and find my charger 

ResilientNeighbour7

Sorry I’m back hello teddy no doctor doesn’t give a and no I can’t call samaraitians not them again please I am sorry I promise you I tired them several times including just under 3 weeks ago I found it so unhelpful it was when I had not even universal credit nothing ina count  walking to hospital apps in torrential bloody stupid rain soaked through before and straight after my treatment in fibromyalgic pains and whilst the operator showed a bit of aw I’m sorry your going though that it’s not helpful is it ! I don’t know how to explain how bad all aspects are physically mentally socially financially emotionally in all aspects like I overhear every confidrataiosn and I can’t relate to any of their freedoms, privileges, experiences, family dynamics, conveniences,backups,achievements, beauties, my arms ******** AChE my whole body is burning in pain and itch and fatigue as. Pain and I just want help to die please isn’t there like a euthanasia or assisted dying support available please again I know people are in vegetative states but I can’t go on like this day after day what use am I to anyone I’ve no it’s humiliating being bullied by ejighorus neighbours and brings naosugibg laughing stock wleshwhte Elise where too what do I have and what have they done better than me do to deserve such ease and flow of abundance in their systematic lives and I’m here like thtt it so this rocking back and forth in discomfort scared and distressed and I hate myself I am so sorry to everyone for being born I am fully aware how dumb hideous useless ethnic inconvenient I am but I promise I tried so hard to do well and to get a job and to achieve success but I failed more and trust me ours not it’s not my fault that I’m like this too much is still going wrong I need to know what can I do to fix all of this now?

Sandy_123

Hi @ResilientNeighbour7 I'm sorry to read that things have not improved for you.  Do you not keep in touch with any of your family like your mom? 
You said that your neighbour had recieved the complaints letter  which means the housing are following protocol. It won't happen fast but at least they are on to it. 

Tori_Scope

Hi @ResilientNeighbour7 I'm also sorry to hear that things are still tough for you at the moment. I've sent you an email from community@scope.org.uk, so please do keep an eye out for that. 

I can assure you that we're real! 

As you've mentioned being in debt, I'm wondering whether you might find it helpful to get in touch with StepChange. They may be able to help you get back on track with your finances.