Xmas Jokes

Elysium
Elysium Scope Member Posts: 94 Empowering
in Coffee lounge
Life is all a bit pants atm - tell us your best (or worst) Xmas Jokes to cheer us all up & make us smile :)<3 …I’ll start…


Comments

  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,925 Championing
    I love this thread so far! Thanks for initiating it @Elysium.

    I am looking forward to hearing everyone's Christmas jokes if anyone else wishes to share. I would share mine but I'm not half as creative as you wonderful people are!  o:)
  • Elysium
    Elysium Scope Member Posts: 94 Empowering
    L_Volunteer said:
    I love this thread so far! Thanks for initiating it @Elysium.

    I am looking forward to hearing everyone's Christmas jokes if anyone else wishes to share. I would share mine but I'm not half as creative as you wonderful people are!  o:)
    No please share yours! We’re only as creative as each other xx
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,925 Championing
    Why does Santa like carrots? Because Santa needs to carrot on through the night  :D
  • Elysium
    Elysium Scope Member Posts: 94 Empowering
    L_Volunteer said:
    Why does Santa like carrots? Because Santa needs to carrot on through the night  :D
    Omg L so bad but goooood more needed please I’m laughing hard and it’s best medicine  :D
  • Elysium
    Elysium Scope Member Posts: 94 Empowering
    Teddybear12 said:
    What did one snowman say to the other?
    "Is it just me or can you smell carrots"
    Mwahahahaha  :D 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,925 Championing
    Glad I managed to make you laugh at least @Elysium. I agree, laughter is the best medicine.

    Thanks @Teddybear12 for sharing another joke! I will look forward to hearing everyone else's Christmas jokes if anyone else wishes to share  :)
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,906 Championing
    Why is a foot a good Christmas gift?

    Because it makes a good stocking filler.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    edited December 2022

    My wife had a romantic Christmas meal planned, “there’ll just be the two of us” she purred, “oh pity” I said “I was expecting a Turkey.”


  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,925 Championing
    More good ones! Thank you @Ada and @Hannah_Scope. 

    I had one on my advent calendar today - I won't quite claim it as my own. However, it said it is Monday but it is the best Monday because it's the last Monday before Christmas  :p
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    What’s the noisiest present under the tree?
    The one covered in rapping paper!

  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    If Santa Claus was Brazilian would he live in the Amazon jingle?
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Championing
    How is Christmas exactly like your job?

    You do all the hard work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,925 Championing
    You are making me chuckle this evening. Thank you @leeCal and @Geoark!  :)

    Please feel free to keep the jokes coming  <3
  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Championing
    What do you call Santa's little helpers?

    Subordinate Clauses.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing

    For Christmas I bought my brother a ball and chain, as I told him if you wear it you can’t go far wrong.

    When I was a child we never had Christmas, my dad explained that I was because we lived in rented accommodation and the contract was very strict. When I’d grown up I asked him what it was in the contract that banned Christmas. He said “ it was a get out Claus.”


  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    My aunt Maddy is coming to stay for Christmas, she was in the resistance during the war, actually she never had children so she must’ve been pretty good at it

  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 657 Pioneering
    edited December 2022
    On one occasion I bought some Xmas crackers from my local market place. They were imitation. They had no jokes, hats, presents or "crackers". You just pulled them apart and they were empty and silent. My boss, who was also my best friend, was coming to Xmas lunch with her new boy friend, and I got a tad stressed about meeting him. And when there were no jokes or anything inside the crackers I over-compensated and told the filthiest joke on the planet about aliens, which did raise a laugh. And when I read this thread it reminded me, 'cos it starts with a joke about aliens. Anyway, on that particular Xmas Day I was so stressed I got drunk and went to bed. We were meant to play cards,  but I knew I would spoil the game (because I was so tipsy) so I thought "go to bed". But I did do everything correctly. I served Xmas lunch and washed-up, and everything was fine until I went to bed. I woke up and needed a pee. I staggered in to the lounge and peed in to a wine decanter! I had no idea I had done this. I must have impressed my bosses boy friend! 
  • Elysium
    Elysium Scope Member Posts: 94 Empowering
    Tell us the filthy alien joke please!
  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 657 Pioneering
    I can't tell the joke, I would be kicked off the forum and expelled forever. They would probably send a hit man around to shoot me! So I am sorry, but it is a no-can-do.

Categories